I know it might be a weird thing to say, but I'm so thankful I'm this pregnant right now.
The boy has been kicking and squirming, and it's just the best reminder that something fantastic is happening. It feels so good to have these regular nudges saying, "Hey, get ready! I'm going to be joining you all very soon!"
And I've also realized I'm so happy I'm having a BOY. Somehow, this is incredibly helpful.
As some of you know, I've long hoped that he looks like my side of the family. Or at very least, doesn't have Nick's older sister's nose. Or (either of) Nick's father's chin(s).
Because I try to trust in the goodness of the universe, let's assume neither will happen. And everyone has said I'll think he's cute anyway.
But I hope fervently that he has little recognizable pieces of my dad in him. That would make me really happy.
It's been a strange week of goodbye and reconnection, and yesterday I had a long talk with B, my most important relationship person prior to Nick. And longest, really, as he and I were together, even not including the on-off, many years more than I've known Nick.
He knows me really well. Or did, up to a firm and painful cutoff point. And still does, in many ways. He knows my core.
It's a story for another time, really, but it was so positive and cathartic to talk. His memories are of how interesting, charming, and generous my father was. These are good to hear.
But back on point: while discussing the kid as part of our catch-up, he assured me of the following. That while he's never met Nick, he knows how strong I am. And he fully expects my strong, stubborn genes to win out.
I decided to take it as a compliment.
Happy Memorial Day weekend to all!