OK, so I was going to tell you how excited I am go to go Minneapolis this weekend.
I mean, I am telling you that. Yes, I'm soooo excited.
Nick and I leave tomorrow (just the two of us!), and on Saturday we see cousins I haven't seen since the early 80s. Seriously. Since Reagan's first term. I cannot even express how happy I am to get to see them again, to introduce them to Nick, to meet their partners.
And we're going to this lovely wedding, for which I have been flitting around choosing shoes and jewelry and oooh, shiny sparkles! We're dressing up!
But then I started thinking about flying tomorrow, and how it's so nice that Nick and I will be together. I mean, of course because I love being with him.
But also because if the plane goes down, at least I'm with a loved one.
Which led me to the HOLY CRAPness of then Jordan would be an orphan.
And Betty could take good care of him, and they're crazy about each other, but having a one-year old full time would just be so exhausting for her.
This further led me to: I'll be damned if Nick's family would get him. I loathe his older sister, and anyway, she has three kids, horrendous taste in men, and very poor judgment. And his younger sister is fine, but not for my kid. Just no.
And I have no relationship with my brother, although I believe he's a really good dad. I'd rather have J stay in my family. But they don't even know him.
Thinking about it has my stomach all upset.
Why do I do this?
When I went on dates I would meet the person, and mentally fall in love with, marry, begin to loathe, and divorce him before the second drink arrived. And now, now I've gone from, "Must remember to take underwear" to "WHATEVER will happen to our orphaned son?"
Sometimes I find myself exhausting.