Thursday, October 14, 2010

You start with your toothbrush and underwear and then you give away your child and in the process you make yourself very tired

OK, so I was going to tell you how excited I am go to go Minneapolis this weekend.

I mean, I am telling you that. Yes, I'm soooo excited.

Nick and I leave tomorrow (just the two of us!), and on Saturday we see cousins I haven't seen since the early 80s. Seriously. Since Reagan's first term. I cannot even express how happy I am to get to see them again, to introduce them to Nick, to meet their partners.

And we're going to this lovely wedding, for which I have been flitting around choosing shoes and jewelry and oooh, shiny sparkles! We're dressing up!

But then I started thinking about flying tomorrow, and how it's so nice that Nick and I will be together. I mean, of course because I love being with him.

But also because if the plane goes down, at least I'm with a loved one.

Which led me to the HOLY CRAPness of then Jordan would be an orphan.

And Betty could take good care of him, and they're crazy about each other, but having a one-year old full time would just be so exhausting for her.

This further led me to: I'll be damned if Nick's family would get him. I loathe his older sister, and anyway, she has three kids, horrendous taste in men, and very poor judgment. And his younger sister is fine, but not for my kid. Just no.

And I have no relationship with my brother, although I believe he's a really good dad. I'd rather have J stay in my family. But they don't even know him.

Thinking about it has my stomach all upset.

Why do I do this?

When I went on dates I would meet the person, and mentally fall in love with, marry, begin to loathe, and divorce him before the second drink arrived. And now, now I've gone from, "Must remember to take underwear" to "WHATEVER will happen to our orphaned son?"

Sometimes I find myself exhausting.


  1. Catastrophizing. It's what allows my therapist to buy a new SUV every six months.

    That, and you're going to be a mere 5 hours away from my fair city. Boo!

  2. You're in need of chocolate my friend. It's normal to go from a packing list to "what if" and it makes it harder being a Mama. A wonderful Mama who cares about her family as deeply as you do.

    Have a great trip to MN and safe travels. Dance, have a slice of wedding cake and have a lovely time!

  3. If you could stand the thought of him living through Texas summers, we'd take him. Betty would have to move here too, though. Also, I think they have underwear in Minneapolis if you forget.

    Fortunately neither of those things are even remotely likely to occur.

  4. I do the same thing but I'm childless so I'm sure it's less traumatizing for me. I tend to use booze to quell the crazy but it's probably not the best plan.

  5. Well, that is pretty exhausting. But I do the same thing. The same exact thing.

    I am so jealous that you're coming to Minneapolis and going to a wedding other than mine! At first when I started reading I thought, "oh! Minneapolis! I should totally tell her to crash my reception!" but alas, it shall not be. It's going to be a beautiful weekend here... if you're staying downtown and you see a blonde in an ivory Grace Kelly looking dress, it's me. Wave and say hi!

  6. I'm right there with you. I do the exact same thing. Especially the loathing of the sister in law and the belief that my parents would have to take Jess becuase I love my brother but. . . .

    Don't worry, whatever you forget, you can buy in Minneapolis. And you'll be home to J in no time!!

  7. Just go take a nice hike! (tee hee, couldn't resist)
    Can I say that I'm pea green with envy about the weekend? The hubby-wife part only, not so much the Minneapolis.
    And of course the answer is that Sabine would take Jordan because, as she points out, she is one week older than him and as such, is totally the boss of him anyway.

  8. At least you have options if something were to go wrong! We have no one. My parents and MIL are in their late 60's. My brother is unmarried and irresponsible, clearly not capable of taking care of himself, let alone a baby. And my sister-in-law is simply evil. If my husband and I were to die, there's just no one "good" to take our boy. And that stresses the hell out of me.

  9. Kate - I've done this for years! Why am I only now learning this word?!?!

    I know - there are so many people I'd like to meet and no time!

    HKW - You are so right, lovely Heather. I need chocolate, stat!

    And thank you! It's going to be great!

    textpatriate - Oh, hugs to you. That totally makes me feel better. I'm OK with parts of Texas - your part, for sure!

    Hillary - Glad to hear I am in good company. Booze is not an option at work today but a fine suggestion nonetheless.

    Kate Bee - I would LOVE to crash your wedding! Oh, how fun.

    I'm bummed that we have so little time there. There are a number of bloggers (or ex-bloggers) I like that I would love to meet, and I just didn't contact them because we fly in, go to rehearsal dinner, meet my cousins, go to wedding, fly out. No time!

    But I will keep my eye out for you downtown Saturday night! (We are staying downtown and the wedding will be at International Market Square, which I think is downtown??)

    cla517 - I am glad to know I'm not alone in this. I hadn't thought about it before and it makes me really upset.

    And so true - it's not like there's anything we can't buy there.

    BrunchBird - She is so totally the boss of him, it's true.

    As for the hike, I shake my fist at you!

    And I am so excited about the being adults with no baby part, but I'm also so incredibly delighted to be going to Minneapolis. We don't have time to go to Duluth, which is where my dad is from, but my cousin who lives there is going to drive down.

    Luna - Oh, no. That is totally stressful. My mom and Nick's parents are all in their 70s, so I understand what you're saying on the parent front. It is terrible to think about.

  10. hmmm An adults only weekend away? You and Nick could work on a sibling for Jordan while you have the opportunity lol.
    Seriously though I can totally understand where you are coming from with the worrying.
    You will be just fine and so will J and he will love his weekend with Betty and you and Nick will have a fantastic time too. Eat chocolate and drink wine and enjoy your weekend hard out.

  11. I have to stop myself from going to Worst Case Scenario on a regular basis. Enjoy your adults only weekend!

  12. I always go through this. I'm envious of the ones that glide through it all. It's hard not to do what ifs when you have a child. But trust in the good hands J will be in (Betty is the best) and have a great time! All will be just where you left it when you return.

  13. I do this also! Imagine awful things... Natural for a mom since we are responsible for others Now! Have a great time and remember J will be safe and here when you come home!

  14. Over here in Britian we have godparents. I understand that not everyone will be interested in the religion part of it, but you could do it without the religion. You pick 'parents' who are suppose to help bring up your children in the horrible situation you couldn't. I think you need to pick 2 people you would trust - typical your bestman at your wedding and your maid of honour/chief bridesmaid if you follow tradition.

    Enjoy your weekend.

  15. Can I have him? I mean we are practically related seeing as how I live in North Dakota. I will send him to the finest schools, raise him in a crime free environment,tell him how cool his mama and papa were and I even have room for Betty! Please pick me! :-) I am running out of boys. My last one is ready to fly the nest and I still have this big house! Oh and I'll for sure take him to the big city every chance I get. Any other questions?
    oh fine then, have a great time in MN and enjoy your cake!
    Hugs to my nephew!

  16. Everyone's already said this, so I'm just repeating, but maybe it's worth repeating: I do this too, and it's totally normal. It's what parents do, once they become parents. (We had the weirdness of the relatives we once *thought* we'd want to take our kid become the relatives we definitely do NOT want to take our kid... awkward!)

    I hope you're enjoying Minneapolis! We stay there a couple days every time we drive out to South Dakota. We LOVE Mpls--check out all the lakes!


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