tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2117136912052729666.post6359090320468196416..comments2024-03-15T14:47:21.170-04:00Comments on Lemon Gloria: Can you change your type?Lemon Gloriahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07280085058516960260noreply@blogger.comBlogger15125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2117136912052729666.post-5075189652710803662007-10-02T09:56:00.000-04:002007-10-02T09:56:00.000-04:00Lisa,I know I'm coming to this party a day late, b...Lisa,<BR/><BR/>I know I'm coming to this party a day late, but this post has been percolating through my brain. Especially this part: "And I said in my experience with really successful men, all of them are driven either by anger or fear. Predominantly anger."<BR/><BR/>There is no "anger or fear." Scratch the surface of an "angry" person and you'll find fear -- usually the fear of losing control, fear of losing dignity.<BR/><BR/>There's nothing wrong with fear and anger, unless you're <I>driven</I> by them. Being driven by fear and anger makes a person (or a dog) dangerous -- not only to his adversaries, but also to his loved ones and himself.<BR/><BR/>So, second, I have to wonder what "success" is that only toxic males can achieve it. Certainly not Darwinian success -- emotional toxicity doesn't help one mate and raise successful offspring (clearly).<BR/><BR/>For that matter, "getting up at 5 am and working till 11 pm" doesn't make a person successful. Lots of people do that just to keep their heads above water.<BR/><BR/>A man in the red zone, controlled by fear and anger, is not living but surviving. No matter the trappings he possesses, the guy who isn't content isn't successful. <BR/><BR/>No amount of intelligence can substitute for self-awareness. No matter the toys he has, the guy who acts out of fear is still a child. Maybe that's why they get you really intensely, pull you in and make you care.<BR/><BR/>Mark.Mark Bennetthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04128739833441582127noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2117136912052729666.post-54123721730160143672007-10-01T14:48:00.000-04:002007-10-01T14:48:00.000-04:00I know Anon/Carrie very well and now I think about...I know Anon/Carrie very well and now I think about it, she's definitely proof one can change their type, be happy and never look back.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2117136912052729666.post-53757192109691955972007-10-01T14:07:00.001-04:002007-10-01T14:07:00.001-04:00Also to Carrie - I'm so glad that you've found a g...Also to Carrie - I'm so glad that you've found a good guy and a happy situation!Lemon Gloriahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07280085058516960260noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2117136912052729666.post-1870934081775350962007-10-01T14:07:00.000-04:002007-10-01T14:07:00.000-04:00maybe if you put out more, you wouldn't seem so bi...maybe if you put out more, you wouldn't seem so bitter?<BR/><BR/>BobAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2117136912052729666.post-41832314282185848922007-10-01T13:45:00.000-04:002007-10-01T13:45:00.000-04:00kate.d. - Thank you. It's true - things that seem...kate.d. - Thank you. It's true - things that seem out of our control aren't, and feelings are temporary. And can be shifted.<BR/><BR/>Carrie - Wow - this was very useful and gives me a lot to think about. And to work on. I so appreciate you sharing this with me.Lemon Gloriahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07280085058516960260noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2117136912052729666.post-87757428522212911902007-10-01T13:27:00.000-04:002007-10-01T13:27:00.000-04:00fyi - I'm not anon. I just don't have a blogger I...fyi - I'm not anon. I just don't have a blogger ID, so...<BR/><BR/>I have to strongly disagree with you on this one (and I really enjoy reading your blog). <BR/><BR/>You can change your type. But it's not just an "I choose to like X now instead of Y." Without quoting any great psychologists or anything, I'd say the key to this is deciding who you want to be in the future and what kind of person is standing next to you in that vision. <BR/><BR/>I say all this b/c I consider myself one who changed her type. I dated all kinds of the same loser for years and, of course, couldn't figure out why I wasn't getting where I wanted to go. <BR/><BR/>So, I stopped. <BR/><BR/>and I figured out where I wanted to be in 5, 10, 15 years. And I figured out what kind of guy fit in that vision.<BR/><BR/>so, I went back to get my MBA, and while there, I accepted a date from a not as tall as I'd like, kind of balding, actually owned a car and had a real career and 2 parents who were still married, Big 10 lovin', Mr. Laidback (to my Type A+) guy. (go big 12!)<BR/><BR/>And now we're married with an 18 month old daughter. and I love my career and relationship and home.<BR/><BR/>Don't get me wrong, we fight like any one else and we're not the white picket fence types either... But it works, and it's right. and you can do it.<BR/><BR/>btw - we live in downtown Chicago... maybe making the move will be the catalyst for you, too. worked for me.<BR/><BR/>CarrieAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2117136912052729666.post-31313886522624666762007-10-01T13:02:00.000-04:002007-10-01T13:02:00.000-04:00a sugardaddy. ah hahaha. too funny.this is a reall...a sugardaddy. ah hahaha. too funny.<BR/><BR/>this is a really interesting question - i think the psychology side of it is probably a tough thing to overcome. but like you said, it's more about how you react to people than how they react to you, so it seems like something that, in the end, could be malleable. <BR/><BR/>one of the more useful psychological tidbits that i've picked up in my short life is that feelings are only that - feelings. we often think we're at the mercy of them merely because they exist -people say "i am mad" when they really mean "i feel mad." but just because you "feel" mad doesn't mean you have to "be" mad - you actually have control over the movement from point a to point b there.<BR/><BR/>what's my point? i guess just that things that seem utterly out of our control are often much more tame-able than we think.kate.d.https://www.blogger.com/profile/09967162934828397188noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2117136912052729666.post-11806995467647956882007-10-01T11:41:00.000-04:002007-10-01T11:41:00.000-04:00Anon - Oh, my god, thank you so much for commentin...Anon - Oh, my god, thank you so much for commenting anonymously and sharing your insight! I so appreciate hostility and anger! If you're a guy I could probably love you! Oh, and also? Grow some anonymous balls.Lemon Gloriahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07280085058516960260noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2117136912052729666.post-84898524571544681642007-10-01T11:23:00.000-04:002007-10-01T11:23:00.000-04:00Perhaps the issue is your inability to admit that ...Perhaps the issue is your inability to admit that you really want someone to take care of you.<BR/><BR/>You want to be a housewife.<BR/><BR/>You are ashamed to admit it.<BR/><BR/>Get over yourself, quit looking for a sugardaddy and look for a partner - an equal.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2117136912052729666.post-1269875827434990032007-10-01T10:12:00.000-04:002007-10-01T10:12:00.000-04:00DCup - I don't suppose there has to be a common th...DCup - I don't suppose there has to be a common thread, but I assume there might be one.<BR/><BR/>Red - Good point. Some of it is who you attract, but it's not that these are the only men I attract - they're just who affect me most. <BR/><BR/>Jess - Yah, I think the more aware you are of how people affect you, the more able you are to figure out what works and why.<BR/><BR/>HKW - I'm glad to hear that. I think that should be right.<BR/><BR/>Dagny - Interesting. Yes, take that, Freud.Lemon Gloriahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07280085058516960260noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2117136912052729666.post-86889286620660659332007-10-01T10:01:00.000-04:002007-10-01T10:01:00.000-04:00I choose men who are like my mother, apparently. ...I choose men who are like my mother, apparently. Take THAT, Freud.Jessicahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11838430978051872591noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2117136912052729666.post-37014188130580014302007-10-01T09:58:00.000-04:002007-10-01T09:58:00.000-04:00I think it's true women naturally gravitate toward...I think it's true women naturally gravitate toward men similar to their fathers or brothers, at least certain characteristics. <BR/><BR/>I do believe one can change type - happiness has infitine defitions and no two people are alike.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2117136912052729666.post-49687225734812851492007-10-01T08:50:00.000-04:002007-10-01T08:50:00.000-04:00It really is hard to break a pattern, I think. But...It really is hard to break a pattern, I think. But I do think it's possible. In my experience, the guys who were the worst for me I was attracted to like a drug at first -- like this line from "Tell Me You Love Me" last night. But when that wore off, I realized how little there was to our relationship. I think realizing that makes me more likely to back off when that's the primary feeling a guy gives me.jesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13240622924482291003noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2117136912052729666.post-43212681044578858712007-10-01T06:38:00.000-04:002007-10-01T06:38:00.000-04:00Some chick once said that when she changed herself...Some chick once said that when she changed herself and how she viewed herself it changed the men she atracted. That's when she met the right guy and he wasn't her usual type.Redhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09352040657558160048noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2117136912052729666.post-65412473822988553512007-09-30T21:49:00.000-04:002007-09-30T21:49:00.000-04:00This makes me wonder what the common thread is bet...This makes me wonder what the common thread is between the men I have loved......Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com