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Wednesday, March 21, 2007

If I didn't have a mouth like a sailor, people could totally pay me to promote their sh*t

Seriously. Because when I like something, I get all "Oh my God! Wow! Yay! This is the best thing ever!" about it.

But sincerely. Because if I don't like something, I won't necessarily denigrate it, but I certainly won't say anything positive. In fact, I won't offer anything at all.

Unless asked. In which case I will say, for example, that I hated the new Fresh mascara that I bought in a moment of "I need long lush lashes for my date tonight!" and I'd have been really bitter about the $25 ($25! for too wet, gloppy mascara!) except that Sephora was so great about letting me exchange it. Love Sephora!

Mostly, I'm kind of a cheerleader. OK, I actually was a cheerleader. But I feel it's mitigated by the fact that it was high school. And it was only for a year and it was India. Don't you think?

Some people still guess, out of the blue. I think because of how ridiculously jump-up-and-down-happy I can be. Plus the short flippy skirts and pom-poms might be a give-away.

Anyway, my point is this. That when I'm excited about something new, I am soo excited. I show everyone, I take pictures, I talk about it, I write about it. Really, it's a good thing I've never had breast implants. Or anything intimate pierced.

New cute shoes? I want to wear them EVERY day! And post them on the Internet! New fabulous lip gloss? Ooh, it's so fun and tingly! I love it SO much! EVERYone should get some! Those Trader Joe's milk chocolate peanuts? They're VERY delicious. Want some? Because I'm delighted to share! Something new and fun? I want to do it ALL the time!

New boyfriends? They tend to be really psyched about this approach to things.

But anyway. So last week I went on a date to that hypnotist at the Improv. And I had the best time. I laughed my ass off. I wrote a post about it. I told everyone I know.

And my lovely friend Laura of the turquoise boots, she said she really wanted to go. With me. Because wants me to get up on stage and see if I can get hypnotized. So tonight I'm going with a group of people who were so delighted hearing how much fun I had that they all wanted to go.

Now, this group includes my parents. And initially I thought, oh, pray God if I get hypnotized I don't say anything really embarrassing. Like about sex or anything. But then I figured that I'm unlikely to horrify them more than I do here.

So I think I'm going to try it! There's a good chance I'm too scared of losing control to get hypnotized. But if I do and it works, you'll hear all about it!

18 comments:

  1. When I snap my fingers, you will cluck like a chicken.

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  2. I'd like you to demonstrate this power at your happy hour.

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  3. I'm more of an ask nicely than "or else" kind of person. Mostly because nobody is every afraid of me. Even when I wear my tough girl boots.

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  4. I'd like you to demonstrate the short flippy skirt and pom-poms at the happy hour.

    I bet I-66 is with me on that one. ;-)

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  5. I can't wait!! That will be ONE FUNNY POST!

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  6. LMNt - I totally would, of course, but you know I'm kind of shy when I first meet people.

    G&D - I hope so! I'll definitely let you know!

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  7. Eh, you already know me. Bad excuse. :-P

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  8. Oh, poo. I thought you might let me get away with that one.

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  9. This is all being officially documented as Lisa's excuses disappear before our very eyes. LMNt is the magician, and I am the hypnotist.

    I-66 hypnotism efforts come with a 0% guarantee

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  10. Haha! That was excellent! Fine - you totally got me. I am lying about turning up at the happy hour with a little flippy skirt and pom-poms. Don't think I'm not calling you Clarendo when I meet you, though.

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  11. > I'm more of an ask nicely than "or
    > else" kind of person. Mostly
    > because nobody is every afraid of
    > me. Even when I wear my tough girl
    > boots.

    I sometimes wish nobody was afraid of me... I tend to get the opposite response.

    While its interesting to have strangers apologize to me because I got in their way, it gets old after a while. And it is nice that people don't mess with me, but when I realize that it's because they're afraid of me, it makes the nice guy in me feel strange.

    Oh well... the grass is always greener and all that...

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  12. VVK - Why are people afraid of you? Are you really big and intimidating? I think for me, I'm just not big enough. I'm only 5'3" and I look younger than I am. And so not only are people never afraid of me, a lot of time I feel like I have trouble getting strangers to take me seriously. Which is why I wear my glasses out a lot. I think they help.

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  13. LMNtal Magic (also known as LMNtal Attraction) comes with a 100% satisfaction guarantee.

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  14. Lisa: I'm:

    - 6' 4 or 5" (I honestly don't know)
    - I've got very short hair... I shaved it (yes, with a razor) a little over a week ago. I shave it about once a month.
    - a goatee.
    - closer to 300lbs than my goal of 250lbs
    - brown (Indian-Indian, not Native American)

    So people tell me I look intimidating... I personally think that the big, goofy, grin I've always got on should count for more than all of that, but what do I know.

    Also, glasses are hot. :-)

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  15. LMNt - I'm not a numbers person, but you've got a much better guarantee than I-66.

    VVK - I am sure people are totally intimidated! Nobody wants to mess with a big guy. Even if he's smiling!

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  16. I saw one of these hypnotist people once, and must say that him making a sorority sister of mine cluck like a chicken (true story!) was well worth the admission.

    Also, share those damn peanuts! There are no Trader Joe's here :(

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  17. Oh, Moosie, my ass has doubled in size in the last week due entirely to these chocolate peanuts. Someone needs to bar me from buying any more of them.

    And I'm sooo glad I didn't have to cluck like a chicken!

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