If I didn't have a mouth like a sailor, people could totally pay me to promote their sh*t

Seriously. Because when I like something, I get all "Oh my God! Wow! Yay! This is the best thing ever!" about it.

But sincerely. Because if I don't like something, I won't necessarily denigrate it, but I certainly won't say anything positive. In fact, I won't offer anything at all.

Unless asked. In which case I will say, for example, that I hated the new Fresh mascara that I bought in a moment of "I need long lush lashes for my date tonight!" and I'd have been really bitter about the $25 ($25! for too wet, gloppy mascara!) except that Sephora was so great about letting me exchange it. Love Sephora!

Mostly, I'm kind of a cheerleader. OK, I actually was a cheerleader. But I feel it's mitigated by the fact that it was high school. And it was only for a year and it was India. Don't you think?

Some people still guess, out of the blue. I think because of how ridiculously jump-up-and-down-happy I can be. Plus the short flippy skirts and pom-poms might be a give-away.

Anyway, my point is this. That when I'm excited about something new, I am soo excited. I show everyone, I take pictures, I talk about it, I write about it. Really, it's a good thing I've never had breast implants. Or anything intimate pierced.

New cute shoes? I want to wear them EVERY day! And post them on the Internet! New fabulous lip gloss? Ooh, it's so fun and tingly! I love it SO much! EVERYone should get some! Those Trader Joe's milk chocolate peanuts? They're VERY delicious. Want some? Because I'm delighted to share! Something new and fun? I want to do it ALL the time!

New boyfriends? They tend to be really psyched about this approach to things.

But anyway. So last week I went on a date to that hypnotist at the Improv. And I had the best time. I laughed my ass off. I wrote a post about it. I told everyone I know.

And my lovely friend Laura of the turquoise boots, she said she really wanted to go. With me. Because wants me to get up on stage and see if I can get hypnotized. So tonight I'm going with a group of people who were so delighted hearing how much fun I had that they all wanted to go.

Now, this group includes my parents. And initially I thought, oh, pray God if I get hypnotized I don't say anything really embarrassing. Like about sex or anything. But then I figured that I'm unlikely to horrify them more than I do here.

So I think I'm going to try it! There's a good chance I'm too scared of losing control to get hypnotized. But if I do and it works, you'll hear all about it!