She turns herself 'round and she smiles and she says "This is it, that's the end of the joke"

As it turns out, I've spent much of my life growing out my hair.

I mean, obviously I'm living my life forward while the hair growing is just happening, but it's this annoying cycle where I grow it and then I think I just really need a change and cut it all of and often dye it as well and then spend the next year or two growing it out again.

I have had a bob, on and off, since I think the end of 10th grade.

Some people live their whole lives just having nice hair and living with it day to day and not fucking with it on a regular basis and perhaps you are one of those people, and why can't I be you?

At any rate, the growing it out is tedious and grim and I never know what to do with it to make it look cute in the in between times. And as Fleabag said, "HAIR IS EVERYTHING. ANTONY."

As such, I decided I needed something fun to make it feel less tedious and grim.

I also decided last time was the LAST time I'm lopping it all off, so I might as well take advantage of the short short and do something extreme.

So I bought a tube of Joico semi-permanent magenta dye, which a woman at the gym who has lovely purple streaks recommended.

And then I asked Nick if he would put it on for me.

I showed him some YouTube videos of people applying hair dye with a dye brush.

Because I like to have ideas but then fall down on the planning, I had to borrow a dye brush from a friend, because I couldn't find one for purchase without buying a box of dye.

Additionally, the only gloves we had that Nick could even squeeze his giant baseball-mitt sized hands into were dish gloves that as it turned out practically cut off his circulation.

Then yesterday morning I wondered if the color I'd chosen might be too strong, and Nick was all, "If you're going to do this, you might as well be really bold."

So then I asked him if he thought maybe he could just do the roots magenta, so my hair looked like it had dark pink roots and then the ends were white.

And he was like, "Uh, I don't think I have that level of skill."

So he put it on and when I voiced concern that he might not be getting it all he very firmly reminded me that he is rather detail oriented.

And this is true. RATHER. DETAIL. ORIENTED.

I learned years ago that any man I would ever love would be detail oriented and that detail oriented people do not like being called anal retentive.

So.
 
So I tried to just keep my mouth shut and then India took a picture of me so I could have some idea what it looked like. And then I washed it and was like holy cow is that, uh, bold!

I am not going to lie; I was wondering if I'd made a mistake in color and taken on more than I can carry off.

Although the fact is that with each wash more will come out. I don't know if it will get stuck in the bleached parts or not, but they'll have to be cut off eventually anyway.


India was like, "I love it so much, Mama. You look like Mal."

This warmed my heart. She loves Descendants.

But every time I catch my reflection in the mirror I'm a little surprised.

In any case, this morning I went to a core class. I love the instructor, who makes us do terrible, terrible things. It's amazing.

This is the class where I met the woman with the purple streaks. When I first asked her about the purple in her hair, she showed me a photo of her hair when she'd gotten it professionally done all pink and platinum and it was fabulous. (It had also taken 12 hours and cost $900, which made her sit down and cry. Or maybe she was already sitting. Anyway.)

I was stretching and chatting with another woman at the end of class and she told me she loved my hair, and the instructor agreed. I thanked them and said I was still getting used to it.

I said, "My husband did it for me yesterday!"

One of them said, "Wow! Is he a hairdresser?"

And I was all, "No, a lawyer. Very detail oriented."

Yah, so I might order some XL gloves and some purple dye and maybe next time he can just do the roots?

Cheese in the Bahamas with you...

Growing up, we didn't have family living nearby. We'd see them for a week or two in the summer time. And me, I have so little family as it is.

So our overseas friends became family. They were who we celebrated holidays and birthdays with, who we turned to for support, who we called in emergencies.

You already know Jane, Jane who was in my wedding and took credit for telling me to marry the man with the boat.

You don't know Sarah, but you might meet her sometime when she breezes through town. She lives in Cape Town and has been absolutely everywhere, and every once in a while I get a text asking if she can stay with us (of course) and she's on a bus down from NYC that very moment.

She's come to stay when I've been gone, and friends of mine have dropped in and had tea with her and then when I come home they're all best friends already.

Everyone loves Sarah. People who've met her once reminisce about times with Sarah.

We've known their family since the 80s in Delhi. Candy and my mom became instant friends. I have vivid memories of them giggling in the living room.

Jane and I lived together in San Diego. I'd only been driving a year when she arrived, and she said every since she gives directions like, "In one mile, you're going to need to be in the right lane..."

The photo above is of Jon and my dad at the Pushkar Camel Fair.

Anyway.

I don't know how it is now, because it seems like you can get everything everywhere, but when we were growing up, every time someone returned from the US or Europe, they were always laden with things you couldn't get in whatever country we lived in.

Peanut butter, deodorant, face cream. I think the weirdest thing my dad ever asked for was a tennis ball shooter machine. Or maybe car tires.

In any case, I grew up used to taking requests and carting weird and heavy things. It was just what you did for friends.

The beginning of January, Betty and I spent a few days visiting friends on a tiny, glorious little island in the Bahamas.

Was it as magical as it sounds? It was.

They live in South Africa, so when they said they'd be in the Bahamas for a bit, we jumped on the chance to visit them much closer to home.

We bought tickets last minute. I organized after school care for the kids. My friend Andrea, who happened to be in town and who I'd just had coffee with, offered to walk Wanda.

I asked Sarah if there was anything we could bring. Because I'd heard the stories of the things they cart to Spanish Wells when they go. Everything has to be brought by ship, so it's very expensive, and brands are limited.

Their only request was walnuts, cheese, and nice crackers.

By now it was Thursday night.  We were leaving for the airport at 5:00 the next morning. We searched the house.

Walnuts, we had. And a nice Manchego, almost two pounds. But no other cheese! And no lovely crackers!

I was home fixing the kids dinner, so Betty immediately headed out to the shops around the corner. The one that would definitely have the nicest cheese was closed. But she managed a brie and a couple blocks of cheddar and scads of crackers.

Lest a cheese enthusiast decide to snack on one, I put them all in a ziploc bag in the fridge with a note that said: TAKING TO BAHAMAS. DO NOT OPEN.

Nick came home during dinner and opened the fridge. He saw the sign. And then he said, "Are you allowed to take cheese to the Bahamas?"

Allowed to take cheese? What kind of question was that?

He looked it up and said, "No dairy products."

I said, "Cheese isn't really dairy dairy. It's packaged."

"Lisa. You could get in trouble. What if you wind up in Bahamian jail?"


"We'll just pretend we had a snack for the plane and forgot to take it out."

"You've got like 5 pounds."

My mom said, "It'll be fine."

So I messaged Sarah and told her Nick was nervous and she said to tell him it would be fine. So I told him it would be fine but he remained unconvinced.

I think of Nick as much bolder than me, but he's also a lawyer and gets all liability focused and rulesy which is often very helpful like when I was trying to pick a fight with the police but then other times seems more like a nuisance.

So.

We arrived. Nobody asked anything.

We got in a van that drove us to the water, whereupon the driver pulled all the bags out of the van and loaded them onto his boat and off we went.

As we neared the dock at Spanish Wells, people in the boat started pointing and asking what was going on.

Helloooooooo!

Because keeping pace with the boat were two golf carts full of people waving enthusiastically and tirelessly.

At us! Our friends were waving at us!

We laughed and waved and waved, all the way to shore.


As it turns out, there are cars but people mainly get around by golf cart, so we rented a golf cart. It was great fun, once I got past my twitchiness about a) driving a golf cart and b) driving on the left side.

We did almost lurch into the side of the house one day when I forgot to put it in reverse.

Oops!

But we didn't!

The visit was perfect. I wished I could stay a month.

We went for walks in the soft, soft sand. We watched a sea star scootch along the bottom.

Candy read us her poetry. Candy and Betty hugged and giggled like old times.

Jane and her son and I went exploring and wound up at an outdoor beach bar, where they played in the hammock and tossed coconuts and we enjoyed cocktails with our toes in the sand.

I was going to put this photo on FB and Jane said to caption it, "It's not better in the Bahamas." And to add the hashtag "big lie".

Since I don't tend to hashtag my FB photos, I wrote out the word "hashtag" instead of using a #. Later Jane very sweetly said, "Um, Lis, I don't know if you know about hashtags, but you use the # rather than the word..."

Then Sarah accused Jane of using dumb hashtags.

Hashtag verycontentioussubject

And then, just like that, it was time to go.

Three days is not so long, after all.

And no matter how many days, time is always too short with people you love.

We had a grand goodbye at the dock, and their golf carts followed the boat and waved and waved. We giggled through tears.

Coincidentally, the woman sitting next to us in the boat was also named Lisa. The sweetness of the goodbye brought her to tears as well.

And then my mom asked her if she was a Democrat.

Why, Betty, why? Hashtag why?

The kids sure were glad to have us back.

Nick has been calling us cheese mules ever since.

A decade in review

January 2010

I don't remember being ready to embrace 2010, but I remember when 2009 ended, I was well and ready to see it go.

I didn't think about it at the time as the end of a decade, but perhaps more the end of an era.

2009 was the year of my dad's seventh and fatal suicide attempt. Some people asked if it was a relief, to finally stop being vigilant after years of constant worry.

It was not a relief.

2009 was the year we bought our house, had a baby, and immediately thereafter started construction while living in aforementioned house.

People complimented me on losing the baby weight fast, and here is what I will tell you: I lost my baby weight fast because I had a C-section and I couldn't do stairs, and we had no kitchen on the ground floor, and Nick worked all the time, and my mom was pretty occupied with grief. So nobody fed me.

Nick would come home from work at 9:00 or 10:00 pm and ask what I'd had for dinner and I think that's about the time I started joking about stabbing him.

(I don't really joke about it with him around anymore because he finds it offensive.)

My friend Kathy asked if I needed anything and I asked her for a stash of protein bars. I put them in my bedside table and that's what I'd eat.

Leading up to Christmas, Nick proposed a fake tree, but I wanted a real tree. And then Nick asked who was going to water it and vacuum up the branches and I was all, OK, let's get a fake one.

It was magical. It was already wrapped with lights. We just used it for the 10th time this Christmas. Half the lights died two years ago and the rest of them went last year, so we snipped them all off and now we string our own. But the tree is still lovely.

I remember Nick being so angry that when it was time to take down the tree, because neither my mother nor I took off the decorations.

When I first thought back on the past decade, I initially said it was dominated by having and raising children and renovating our house. 

However, once I read through this piece I realized that loss was an equally important, if not perhaps the prevailing theme.

By the beginning of 2010 I was being treated for post-partum depression, but I was, in retrospect, not adequately medicated and still barely hanging on. I probably should've also been in therapy. I look back at this video and I feel like it could be a depression commercial.

In early 2010 we had snowmaggeddon, where DC shut down for about two weeks. Our boiler gave out that first night and we were lucky that our friend Kurt, the manager of the guest house across the street, was at our house playing Scrabble with Betty when it happened. He brought over all their extra space heaters, and we kept the pipes from freezing.

I don't remember much about 2010 except that giant snow, and that Jordan was, thankfully, a good sleeper. He'd nurse and fall asleep and I would lie in bed silently fuming about my peacefully sleeping husband and thinking about how Nick and I would divide up the furniture.

If it sounds like I harbored a lot of animosity towards Nick in those early years, it's because I did.

Hate might be an extreme way to put it but you know I don't trust women who never admit to wanting to stab their husbands.

Life is not perfect. People are hard to live with. (I am hard to live with.)

I am even harder to live with while taking hormones, which was the fun thing we did in 2011, which led to the arrival of our delightful India in 2012.

Also in 2011, we sold Betty's house and she moved in with us shortly before India was born.

In the GW hospital exit class, I met Meg, a woman who would become one of my dearest friends. Our daughters were born the same day, and we spent our maternity leaves together nursing all around DC, and now we and they are lifelong friends.

We plan for them to take their gap years together somewhere fabulous that their mothers would like to come visit.

In 2013 we lost Nick's dad. India was a year old, and we rented a minivan to drive all of us all to New Jersey. India threw up repeatedly in the car, and we drove straight to the church. Nick's partner Scott arrived at the same time as us, and came over and opened the passenger door to the overwhelming smell of baby puke.

We'd all just gotten used to it over the hours and miles.

In 2014 we lost Auntie Lou, Maude's mama. We still use her recipes and tell funny stories and talk about how much we miss her.

In 2015 we took our progeny and my mother to Spain and I almost died of exhaustion.

In 2016, my cousin Travis passed away, and now I walk in his honor on my Overnight walks. And I wouldn't say this was a highlight, but on the way home from the memorial service, Betty and I both got puked on on an airplane.

In 2017 we lost three people we loved, and it was a year that walloped me. We lost dear Pat, my other mother. We lost John, a dear family friend, whose family I'd known since I was born. And we lost Kim, AKA Australian Builder who remodeled practically our entire house (you may remember him along with Hector Big Wood).

We also went to Family Camp at Winona for the first time, which was the camp experience I never had growing up. It was beautiful and fun and except for the lack of sleep from sleeping in a tent, pretty much perfect.

In 2018, Nick turned 50, and took the day off and took the kids for a helicopter ride. Ever since they've asked if they can play hooky.

I think of helicopters as certain death, and in any case, I'd gone back to office work. That summer I  took the kids to camp in Cartagena, Colombia, for two weeks by myself.

In September of 2018 we had our 10th wedding anniversary. We both agreed that if we could live together through everything we did our first year of marriage, we could stay married forever. There have been periods of time that have tested this notion, but on the whole, we ended 10 years way stronger than we began.

Also, and I am very proud of this, I got my first paid article published in the Washington Post's On Parenting section.

I'm going to say it here: I have a goal of getting three pieces into publications in 2020.

I did practically no writing the last couple years. This is the year I return to it.

And in 2019, the last year of this decade, I was reminded of the fact that whenever I decide to cut off all my hair, it means I'm in crisis. Even if I don't seem like it on the outside. Even if I'm all, oh, I just need a change.

NO.

Next time I'm like, I want a pixie! Just for fun! Please ask me if I need to review my medication (I did) and perhaps make a change (I did).

I don't know why existential crises and the shearing of hair are so closely linked for me, but they are. It's a follicular cry for help, perhaps.

Also, I turned 50 and went to India to commemorate the milestone birthday.

Anyway, I'll be growing out my platinum pixie in 2020.

I think Nick and I ended the decade with a much more solid relationship. Knock wood the big renovations are done, which is good because not only are they expensive, but they take an emotional toll.

And, in November, we got Wanda. We tried to change her name to Carmen (after Carmen San Diego) but we called her Wanda half the time and Carmen the other half and my mom just keeps calling her Gloria after our best dog ever. So we stuck with Wanda.

My goal was to get a calm dog, and she is an anxious piece of work. She's mostly over being scared of Nick, but alternates between adoring him and getting all shifty when he's around. She adores Betty and Jordan. She likes India but half the time India rushes at her and says things like "Booya booya booya!" which freaks a nervous girl the hell out.

But she's gentle and kind at heart, and that goes a long way.

That's my decade in review. I know I rarely blog anymore, and I appreciate those of you who are still with me.

I am constantly reminded that life takes a village. Happiness takes a village, because what matters more than people we love who love us?

Happy New Year, my friends. I'm wishing you all the best in 2020 and beyond.

So much love to you.

Mary Ann and Wanda were the best of friends, all through their high school days...

Wanda

We were thinking about thinking about getting a dog.

And by that I mean, we'd just gotten to the point where we were like, yes, our kids desperately want a dog, and we love dogs, and perhaps a dog would lower our collective anxiety level. This could be a good idea.

Let's not rush into anything.

I told a friend about our dog idea and she said, "But not an anxious dog."

I had to laugh. No, not an anxious dog. We need a reduction, not an addition.

So I asked around about breeds, because honestly, I know next to nothing. Growing up, we had a lovely purebred Lhasa Apso, a couple sweet purebred Shih Tzus, and one very smart, perfect, amazing Peruvian mutt, after whom my blog is named, rescued from the shelter.

Nick's family had a whole lot of purebred Labradors.

We needed a dog that was small enough, sweet, not overly energetic, and smart enough to train but not so smart that it would be chewing up encyclopedias in boredom.

Also, we were pretty sure we wanted to rescue.

Rescue is a daunting task, because you don't know where a dog is coming from, and there are SO MANY rescue organizations, and so many dogs! I started following a bunch of local rescue organizations on Instagram and Facebook.

Dogs! Dogs! Dogs!

And then my friend Carter, who knows a ton about dogs, and whose husband is a vet, reached out and said that her friend Kitson had posted a plea for puppy fosters by PetConnect Rescue on her page. Maybe this would be a good option for us? (She also sent me this terrific piece on forstering that Kitson wrote for On Parenting.)

It was a Thursday night. Friday I reached out to Kitson, and she suggested I fill out a foster form. Over the weekend they replied that they don't let people without fenced yards take puppies under 6 months, because they haven't had all their shots.

But would we be interested in an older dog?

Yes, we would.

Friends suggested that fostering would be a great way to figure out what we wanted and didn't want in a dog. So I figured we'd foster a few dogs, and see how it went.

On Tuesday I got a call from a volunteer who said that Wanda, a part-Beagle mix, would be arriving Wednesday afternoon, and would we be interested in fostering? I had to ask Nick, who was out of town.

So I called him, and he said he need to think about it, and could he call me back?

The kids were dying to foster her. Nick's main hesitation was that I'm not a morning person, and he can't walk her in the morning because he rows.

I promised I could get up. He said OK.

I called them and said OK. But we couldn't meet the transport at 3:30 because of a doctor's appointment. A foster who lives near the rescue out in Virginia agreed to keep her until we could arrive around 5:00.

Kitson offered to lend me a crate. Wanda came with a collar, harness, and leash.

When Jordan and I got to the volunteer's house, three dogs answered the door, and Jordan was pretty apprehensive.

The woman ushered us past them (they're her dogs) and into the closed-off kitchen, where she was keeping six foster dogs for pickup.

There were three adorable, delicious, puppy-smelling Lab puppies yelping for attention. There was sweet nervous Wanda. And there was Buddy, who was a hairless dog with a large underbite and a fringe around his head. He was alternating between peeing on the floor and trying to hump Wanda.

Jordan took one look at Buddy and said, "What IS THAT?"

I told him it was a dog, but he didn't really believe me.

While this kind woman explained to me what to do, Jordan grew more and more anxious. The puppies kept yipping, and Wanda kept trying to get away from Buddy, who was in hot pursuit.

They bumped into Jordan's legs repeatedly. Occasionally Wanda would have enough, and snarl at Buddy, who would only momentarily be deterred.

Ultimately, Jordan climbed up on the kitchen counter in distress.

I thought perhaps we'd made a mistake. This was too much for my son, who I believed badly needed a dog.

And then we took Wanda outside, and she happily jumped in our car. I handed Jordan the leash, and he sat down and buckled in.

It took us more than an hour to get into DC in rush hour. And Wanda spent that hour snuggled up against Jordan. Occasionally he would giggle and say, "She licked my glasses!" Or, "She's squishing my leg with her foot!"

I kept telling him that she must feel good with him to snuggle up against him like that.

He was overjoyed.

The first couple days I took her on walks, so many walks, and she didn't go to the bathroom outside. And then we came in and she squatted.

She spent those days with her tail tucked so far between her legs that it was curled flat against her stomach.

During our entire walks she just looked around all, "Whoa! What's that? And that? And that?"

And I was like, why doesn't she just pee? All our dogs couldn't wait to pee when they got outside.

Now we have one spot in the park where she will reliably relieve herself. We are now people with dog poop bags in all pockets.

She is a sweetheart, she is a leaner. She is smart and curious. She wants affection more than she wants food.

She doesn't know her name. She does not come when you call her. She doesn't know any commands.

But she is gentle and quiet and her eyes are so very kind.

Initially, she was terrified of Nick. This hurt his feelings. He didn't say so, but I could tell.

The advice we got was for Nick to be the holder of high quality treats. From him she could get a bit of meat or cheese--something coveted.

I tell you, it was magical advice.

Wanda has her challenges and frustrations, but at heart, she is a love.

She arrived in our lives on November 13, the anniversary of the day Nick and I met in 2007. This year, we had considered resuming our tradition of going to the Tabard to celebrate, which we haven't done in several years.

Instead, I drove with Jordan out to Fairfax Station, where we picked up a scared but sweet pup.

As of this writing, 12 days later, I've sent the paperwork and a check, and she's going to be ours.

That was fast? That was fast.

Practical gifts for a better world

Yes, OK, yes, I am a sucker for all things orange, any and every platform boot, and most things sparkly, and while I am the only human in the world who thinks I qualify as crunchy, it's also true that I am practical.

And I love useful gifts. Love.

We have lots and lots of house guest, and people always want to bring something, although nobody needs to. When a friend brings a gift we can use, like coffee beans, nice olive oil, snacks, a book...I am more than delighted.

Our last house guest, our friend Susan, brought coffee and seasoned cashews she'd roasted, and each child got a book. Amazing.

We do not need anything decorative or really, anything we have to put anywhere. And I've become more and more concerned about landfill.

The plastic bits and bobs in birthday gift bags leave me gnashing my teeth.

So, some of these might seem weird, but I'd be happy to get any or all of them. I have a number of these items and love them, which is why I've got them on here.

Some of them are quiet small, and may be more stocking stuffer-y. Surprise! Santa likes sustainability this year!

And I've linked mostly to places where I got them, and much of the time it's Amazon, but I don't get any kickback and would always encourage you to google, and to use Bed, Bath and Beyond coupons and such. And thrift store and garage sale finds bring me great joy.

Now I'm in danger of being one of those annoying people who are like, here's my soup recipe but before that I'm going to tell you all about my holiday in Venice and how my husband enjoys sleeping with his socks on.

So here you go, in no particular order.

Photo: Calmityware.com

1. Calamityware Things Could Be Worse mugs

These mugs are an utter delight. I had a set of four, which is how they sell them. And to my chagrin I dropped one. Now I have three.

But you know how sometimes you get yourself something you really want but feel a bit frivolous about, because maybe you have a cupboard crammed with mugs already? And then this particular item makes you so happy every day? That's how these mugs are for me.

They're a lovely size and shape, and they're made of porcelain in Poland. What I like best is that at a glance, it could be a traditional china pattern, and then you look closely to realize there's all kinds of bizarre, whimsical stuff going on.

They also have plates and bowls and if I didn't already have a full set of my grandma's dishes, I'd be asking for them.

Photo: Amazon.com

2. Silicone cupcake liners

I'd just made muffins the last time my friend Alexa was visiting. The following week, she sent me a set of these, and they've improved my life.

I like to make Superhero muffins, which are pretty wet because they have grated carrot and zucchini. They seem to turn out better in silicone than in paper.

I just ordered more from Amazon, and a set of 24 is, inexplicably, cheaper than a set of 12. Apparently you can also use these as storage in lunchboxes. I'm going to try.

The reusability and rainbowness of them just make me happy. I don't care if neither of those are words.

3. Composting Service such as Veterans Compost in the DC area

I realize this may sound kind of like when Joey suggested to Chanler that he give his cheating girlfriend a barium enema as a gift, but honestly, our service is $29/month, and I would be super excited if someone gifted this to me.

I know services vary, and my friend Kathy has an amazing one in Boston that takes everything and only costs $99/year. I could not find something comparable in DC, and it was important to me that they take meat.

With Veterans Compost you can compost meat, fats, dairy, paper towels and napkins...It's great. They pick up and deliver a new bin weekly. And they make it a priority to hire veterans.

Photo: swellbottle.com

4. S'well wide mouth bottle

S'well bottles are kind of spendy, and for me it's nice to get a gift of something you'd use every day but that costs more than you might spend for yourself.

I use the 12" for coffee, which it keeps piping hot without ever spilling in my bag. We have a 16" one for water. The thing I like about the bottles with this kind of lid is that you can chuck them in your bag and never worry about spilling or condensation.

I love the wide mouth, which I find easier to fill and to drink from, and S'well keeps cold cold and hot hot.

Photo: Amazon.com

 5. Silicone Stasher bags

I was feeling like such a jerk with the single-use plastic sandwich bags, and then a friend turned me on to Stasher bags.

These are sturdy and stay sealed and even protect sandwiches from the insane jostling they seem to get in my son's backpack.

The sandwich size, which is the only one I've tried so far, is great for one sandwich, or a cut up apple (with lemon squeezed on it because otherwise it gets brown and weird and how could I even expect anyone to eat it?!). They are also thick  enough that you can put foods like grapes in and they don't get smooshed.

They have a starter kit, which is what I've linked to above, which gives you a lot of different sizes, including two sandwich bags. But there are lots of options for different price ranges.

I must admit that my kitchen never looks like the photo, and neither do my lunches.

Photo: Neideregger.de

6. Niedegger marzipan

If you know anyone who likes marzipan, Niederegger makes the best.

It's expensive, because it's made of really high quality almonds and chocolate. But oh my gosh, it's like magic.

There are a lot of ways to buy it--above I linked to a four-loaf version. I like the large loaf kind better than the small ones, because it's just so satisfying to slice it and I feel like it's moister and more delicious than the small wrapped candies. Plus there is just...more.

But whatever you choose, I don't think you can go wrong with this brand.

Photo: Amazon.com

 7. Dory Fantasmagory books

If you need books for a young reader, like a reader who is starting out with chapter books, these are both utterly delightful and easy books. India started reading them on her own in first grade, but initially we were reading them together.

Dory is hilarious, and imaginative and ridiculous. Honestly, I enjoy these books as much as India does. We have read them multiple times and both laugh out loud.

Photo: lodge.com

8. Cast iron skillet + silicone handle holder

I was new to cast iron a couple years ago, and Nick's frying pan is huge and so heavy, and also, he is very particular about it. I was always afraid I'd do something wrong. So I never used it. 

And then his sister sent me a small cast iron pan like the one above. I use it all the time for omelettes, frying eggs, or making grilled cheese.

Cast iron heats and cooks so nicely and evenly, and you can stick it in a shockingly hot oven. It has no chemicals like Teflon pans. And it puts a little iron into your food! You have to use a lot of fat, which in my 20s would've been unthinkable, but now is a delicious joy.

My understanding is that if you come across an old one, like at a garage sale, they're ideal because they've been smoothed with years of use. I am keeping my eyes open.

Now I have the confidence to use Nick's huge pan for pan-roasting a chicken or for making Dutch baby in the oven. I have not as yet managed to make scrambled eggs without them sticking, however.

In any case, I love my little pan. And if you get one, wherever you get it from, make sure to get a silicone handle for protection, because those handles get HOT!

9. Silicone straws

I'll be honest: I'm not actually a straw person.

I mean, when I was a kid, I loved bendy straws. I would bend them back and forth and back and forth. But for a while it seemed like you couldn't get a drink without a straw. (And so much ice! What's with all the ice everywhere?)

But you may need a straw, and I personally dislike the metal ones.

Anyway, what it comes down to is we have some straw enthusiasts in our house, and I thought these would make a good gift.

Photo: PamChamJewelry

10. Unique handmade jewelry such as this bubble necklace

OK, this is sort of not exactly practical, unless you think of joy as practical, which I do.

My friend Pam makes charming jewelry with humor and whimsy. She lives in Maine, but I know her because she used to be Maude's housemate when we all lived in Friendship Heights. I spent a great deal of time at their house. Pam was always soldering something cool.

I have a number of pieces of bespoke Pam jewelry, and I've given items as gifts. As a person, she is really cool and funny and kind, and she takes custom orders as well.

(Pam doesn't know I'm writing about her, but I'm so happy to, and you are welcome to mention me if you get in touch.)

11. Technivorm Moccamaster coffee maker

This is far and away the most expensive item on here. It never occurred to me to spend so much on a coffee maker.

We had this really terrible little coffee maker that made weak, tepid coffee. It was so bad it was insulting. So I asked for suggestions on Facebook, which is my favorite place to ask, because I always get the best answers.

As a result, we got a coffee maker worth more than my car.  (True fact: we looked in the Blue Book.)

This one goes to 11.

Here is why I include it on my practical list: the coffee is amazing. If you get this machine, I predict you will only want to have coffee from home from that point on. You will invite friends over for coffee rather than meeting at Starbucks.

The machine is really fast and the coffee is perfectly hot and delicious.

The one I linked to has auto-shut-off if you take the pot away. There's a slightly cheaper model that doesn't have the auto feature, but I felt like it was worth it to avert coffee disasters.

Another reason I include it here is because making great coffee at home has meant way fewer stops in coffee shops. I make coffee, pour it into my S'well coffee bottle, throw it in a bag, and go.

I really wanted a red, purple, or orange one, but we got the sedate silver one pictured because marital compromise.

Photo: capresso.com

12. Burr coffee grinder

OK, so we got recommendations for the above amazing coffee maker. And then our friends said, if you are going to get a great coffee maker, you need to get a burr grinder, because they grind evenly and don't heat up the beans.

And then they said, if you're going to get a burr grinder, you really should get a scale to weigh your coffee.

Yes, it was very much like If You Give a Mouse a Cookie.

So we did all those things, and the fact is that we use less coffee now because we are precise about it. You know that I am a more is better kind of person, and weak coffee makes me mad. But good quality coffee is expensive, and for me it's nice (and delicious) to use the exact amount.

I was at first resistant because who needs more gadgets AND more tasks? But now I like it. It's part of the ritual, and as it turns out, I like rituals.

And  along the same lines...

12. Kitchen scale

As I am not a person who researches gadgets thoroughly, I bought both the grinder and the scale that were recommended to me, and I am very happy with both.

As it turns out, kitchen scales are very useful.

Apparently it's also easy to use too much flour if you are scooping by the cup rather than weighing it. And then you can end up with flabby baked goods or something.

I have to admit that laziness has kept me from weighing my baking ingredients. But I do wind up weighing random pieces of food like chicken breast and such.

photo: Amazon.com

13. Wool felt dryer balls

I just have plain white ones, sadly. I mean, they do a great job. But. These penguins are so cute and I feel like they'd make an adorable, practical gift.

I love wool dryer balls. Dryer balls cut your drying time, ostensibly by 20-40%, and I think this is accurate. They keep clothes separated. Clothes are still static-y in the winter, but I do think they reduce static.

Some years ago I learned that dyer sheets coat your clothing, which is how they get rid of static. But have you ever used a towel and it feels kind of slippery and doesn't dry you? That's the dryer sheet coating.

So I ditched dryer sheets and got plastic dryer balls, which are loud. They CLUNK around your dryer. The wool ones make no noise.

These particular ones are soft, organic wool, but there are lots of kinds. You can even make your own if you have wool roving and like to felt balls. (Heh.)

14. Peanuts flannel blanket

My mom got each of my kids one of these blankets last year. They love them. They're a good, heavy weight, very warm and cozy, and they wash nicely.

Sometimes my kids drag them around the house and cuddle under them when they're watching TV. These are a totally practical present that my children appreciate on a regular basis. I know their blankets just make them happy.

15. Peanuts towels

My mom also got each kid a bath towel. My kids were tremendously excited about both gifts.

We got the dancing Snoopy and Woodstock design (same for both, so no fights), but there are other cute designs too. The towels are thick cotton, soft, and a nice, big size.

It is true that we now have a lot of Peanuts going on here. When I was a kid, I had these blue Snoopy and Woodstock sheets that I just loved.

I don't know what happened to them after we left Bangladesh. But I do have vivid memories of them.

(Incidentally, I link to the Vermont Country Store for these items, and they have a lot of Peanuts items. There are great PJs for kids and adults. We haven't yet tried the adult ones, although I do knod of want some. The kid ones are really warm.)

Photo: Anthropologie.com

 16. Cloth napkins

A house guest sent these to us earlier this year, and we use them every day.

These particular napkins don't wrinkle, and my kids each have a preferred design.

I don't know why it didn't occur to me years ago to start using cloth napkins. We do laundry with alarming frequency, and so it's not like we're using more water on napkins. And it feels good that we're not discarding paper napkins after one ues.

17. Reusable mesh produce bags

I try to leave my produce loose, but it's not always possible. And then I feel guilty about the plastic bag.

A friend just suggested these, and they sound like a great idea. I myself have not tried them, but it  seems like it'd be so easy to keep a few of in your shopping bag.

This particular set has nine reusable mesh bags that way less than 1/3 of an ounce.

Photo: worldwildlife.org

18. Symbolic animal adoption

The World Wildlife Fund has a wide array of adorable plush stuffed animals, and for $55 you can symbolically adopt one of them, and get the stuffed animal version.

I chose the bison because of my Midwestern roots, but there are so many cute ones. So it's a low-guilt way to add to someone's stuffy collection. (Or is it spelled stuffie? We didn't call them this when I was growing up.)

Photo: SmithjackJapan on etsy

19. Furoshiki wrapping cloth

One of the things about me that has annoyed numerous people over the years is how slowly and deliberately I unwrap gifts. I carefully open the tape and try to avoid damaging the paper at all.

I think it comes from growing up in countries where wrapping paper was not readily available, and we reused it. It's such an old, ingrained habit that I still do it, and I do reuse paper when possible.

But every Christmas we put a tremendous amount of glossy paper into landfill. No longer.

My friend Eileen just told me that she's using Furoshiki for wrapping gifts now, and they look beautiful. It's a lovely idea, because it's a gift and then also wrapped in a reusable gift of beautiful cloth.

So this is a suggestion for wrapping rather than a gift to give, although I suppose you could do both.

We decided last Christmas that we're going to potato print newspaper this year. We are absolutely not buying any gift paper.

We have not yet gotten to the printing, but my mom has already wrapped a few books in newsprint, and they look really cool. I think with red or green ribbon, they'll look festive. And newsprint is easy to fold.

20. Set of Injinji toe socks

OK, these are not going to be everybody's cup of tea, but I love getting socks for Christmas. And I almost exclusively wear Injinji toe socks now, and I personally would like this set of four.

Earlier this year I was diagnosed with neuromas in my feet. So the nerve leading to my second to last toe on each foot gets squozen and it bugs and now I have these princess and the pea feet and it's really annoying.

However. These socks help immensely. I loved them before I had these foot problems and I love them even more now.

Injinji makes lots of sock weights and lengths. I've come to understand that lighter is better for me. You have to account for the amount of room they take up in shoes.

They have a lot of fun designs, but seemingly only one boxed set.

They also have an upcycled cotton product line.

So that's the story on the socks.

Photo: ranchogordo.com

21. Heirloom beans

I've started cooking beans quite often lately, and I have learned that if you buy really good beans, they're lovely on their own with just olive oil and salt. But if you had a great recipe for a dish, I think it would be delightful to give a bag or two of beans along with the recipe.

Rancho Gordo has a terrific selection of beans, and I have ordered (and eaten) the sampler I linked to above. You can order pounds of beans individually, but it seemed to me a better deal to order a sampler, plus I wanted to try a variety.

The Rancho Gordo Xoxoc Project sampler intrigues me, because the goal of this project is to help small farmers continue to grow rare indigenous beans in Mexico. There are beans I've never heard of, and I like the project goal, and 5% of the cost gets donated to No More Deaths, a humanitarian aid group that provides water and other assistance to migrants and refugees along the US border.

22. Silk dental floss in a refillable glass container

I love to floss. Sadly, I didn't as a child, and have paid the price. But for years I have been a  completely anal flosser. I do know how that sounds.

With my general enthusiasm for flossing, I kept thinking about these nylon strings I was throwing away daily, and then the plastic box that I'd eventually discard and replace.

So I bought this silk floss, which they call dental lace, and it's great. I mean, I don't know that as floss it's that different in feel and performance from another floss, but the fact that it will biodegrade and that I can refill the container forever is a win for me.

As dental floss goes, it's kind of expensive, which for me puts it in the nice little sustainably-minded  gift category.

23. Save the Children gifts

I particularly like this option, because one, you're not giving a physical that someone has to put somewhere, and instead you can be like, "I bought two goats in your name." You're giving a gift that helps humans in the world, and you're doing so in the name of a loved one.

There's a huge range of options in terms of price and items--animals, medical care, clean water, refugee services...

Photo: whogivesacrap.org

24. Bamboo toilet paper

So, when I mentinoed this post, my friend Lauri was all, wait, you going to suggest things like bulk packages of toilet paper? Or REALLY GIANT rolls?

And I was like, no, I was thiking more like dryer balls and silicone bags.

But then it turned into a toilet paper conversation, because that just seems to be the way of the world. Which was a good thing, because my friend Karen gave me this link to Who Gives a Crap toilet paper.

No trees, profits help build toilets, supposed to be soft on your butt! How could I resist?

It is toilet paper made of bamboo. They donate 50% of profits to build toilets for people who need them.

And you can order the holiday version! So maybe you know someone who would like a festive box of 48 rolls of toilet paper?

I'd be delighted. I'm not kidding.

25. Homemade jams, pickles baked goods...

Do you make jam? Pickles? Other preserved foods? Do you bake?

When I was a kid, I always felt like my homemade gifts were inferior to store bought ones. (And you know, my dad always said "store-boughten" and I don't know if that was a Minnesota thing or particular to Duluth or just him. Hydrox cookies were his favorite store-boughten cookies. I don't think they make them anymore.)

But now that I have kids and realize what precious commodities time and effort are, I am overjoyed when I recieve something made by a friend.

My mom came home from visiting Maude in Denver with several jars of Maude's homemade jam. It was such a treasure and a delight. Every morning we talked about the fact that we were putting Maude's jam on our bread.

My friend Jess is this extraordinary baker, and we have been recipients of an extravagance of holiday delights. It's not only a delicious gift, but loving and thoughtful. We are loved and lucky.

(Incidentally, she brought these phenomanal marzipan bars to my dad's memorial service, and I basically appropriated one whole tray. I was six months pregnant and had just lost my dad, and felt entirely justified.)

26. Membership to a museum or zoo

DC has a lot of terrific, free museums, and the zoo is also free; we are spoiled in this way. But this is not the norm in most places. And here, a Smithsonian membership (linked above) gets you a magazine and discounts. Becoming a Friend of the National Zoo (linked above) gives you benefits like free parking, discounts at restaurants and stores, and free carousel and seasonal rides.

If you have young kids, it's great to have a membership to the Building Museum (although it looks like they'll be closed December-March 2020, which is a bummer, because it's such a helpful place to go with kids in the winter.

The National Geographic Museum is not free, and has terrific exhibits. Jordan receives the kid's magazine--he got a subscription as a birthday gift--and loves it. 

As for me, I'd personally love to have a membership to the Phillips Collection.

27. The gift of an outing

You can write or print out a piece of paper that offers any kind of outing you and your child (or parent, friend, or significant other) would like. An offering of time, just the two of you, doing something that brings you both joy.

An afternoon at the movies. Ice cream. A trip to an aquarium. Dinner anywhere, just the two of you.

I love this gift, becaue it's so personal, and really the message is: I love you, I want to spend time with you doing something that makes you happy, so we can enjoy it together.

 28. Grooming products with no plastic containers

A few years ago I ditched antipersperant and switched to just deoderant. In fact, I did this for Nick and me at the same time.

I discovered two things: 1. that gross underarm buildup you see on tee shirts in the wash immediately stopped happening. And 2. it's hard to find deoderant for woman at CVS that doesn't also have anti-perspirant. First I bought men's. I found a better selection at Whole Foods.

Recently a friend started talking about using shampoo bars to get rid of plastic bottles, so I began looking for sustainable bath and body products.

I came across Silver Falls Sustainability Co., a two-person (plus one baby) company in Oregon. Packaging and shipping materials are plant based and compostable. They do no animal testing.

I ordered the kit above to split with my mom. So far I've used the deodorant, which is very effective and leaves my armpits smelling like coconut macaroons. (For me this is a bonus.) I've also been using the lip balm, which I like, and I'm picky about lip balm.

It is a little strange to use cardboard containers rather than plastic, and they only swivel up, so you can't retract them. But these seem like minor inconveniences.

Photo: Amazon.com

29. Secura electric kettle

We have a black plastic exterior version of this kettle, and looks-wise I like this one better. But here's why I am recommending this particular brand, which took us some hunting to find.

I got all hell-bent on a kettle where the water was not boiling in plastic. The idea just freaks me out. There are lots and lots of cute plastic kettles. Or kettles that are metal, but then the water gauge up the side is make of plastic.

I use an electric kettle so many times a day. For tea in the morning, for heating water for pasta or to boil beans, or steam broccoli. It's so much faster and more efficient to do it in the kettle.

Plus I love that you can walk away and know that it will turn itself off if you see a squirrel that immedately distracts you and reminds you that you need to clean out your closet...until you come across your winter boots, which reminds you that you'd better see if your kids boots still fit...and maybe you should look at Lands End while you're...wait, what was I doing?

Electric kettle. Biols fast. No plastic. Auto shutoff.

Photo: goldenmoontea.com

30. Golden Moon Tea assortment

And if you're going to treat someone to a new kettle, why not indulge in some lovely tea as well?

Golden Moon has delightful loose teas, and I linked to a gift sampler above. But if you know the kind of tea you like, buy it in bulk. Nick orders from Golden Moon regularly. They send 20% discount codes.

If loose tea is not your bag (ha!), you can never go wrong with a lovely tin of Harney and Sons. Me, being a bit more pedestrian in my taste, I do love PG Tips, but this summer a British friend told me that Yorkshire Gold is really the way to go.

Honestly, though, I've never had better tea than in India, and I mean in the cheap tea stalls or at the train station. Not at the fancy hotels. Maybe I need to start boiling my tea with powdered milk and sugar...

Photo: alexadelosreyes.com

31, An energy balancing session

I've written before about my friend Alexa, and how she has helped me with her energy healing.

Alternative treatments such as these aren't covered by insurance, and as such, what a lovely, healing, calming gift for someone, particularly during the stressful holiday period.

I know this might be reminiscent of Fleabag getting the counseling voucher from her dad for her birthday...But it helped!

 32. Candy ribbons

And finally...I felt like I had to end on a sweet note. I couldn't resist putting in old-time candy ribbons.

These are candies of my childhood. They never made it through the international pouch to Bangladesh unscathed, and my brother and I would search excitedly to find the most complete ribbon possible.

I guess they're only practical in that they're comestible, and may trigger happy memories of holidays past. 

But they're beautiful and such a dollop of nostalgia.

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Thanks for reading!

If you have suggestions, I'd love to hear them.

Big hugs and much love!

Lisa