Saturday, February 06, 2010

How to be embrace the fact that you never gave up on profanity

1. Live in a house with radiator heat.

2. And also one old boiler that supplies all hot water for the house, including aforementioned radiators. (Note: foreshadowing!)

3. Wait for Snowmaggedon DC 2010! Biggest snow of the year/the decade/the ever! Lots of snow! Freezy fucking freezing!

4. Suddenly notice that it has gotten progressively colder in the house.

5. Realize that not only does the thermostat register coldy-cold, but in fact, radiators are no longer radiating.

6. Ask husband to fix the situation. Have full confidence, as not only is he handy, but he's remedied this before.

7. Be told by husband that the pilot light for the boiler, the goddamnedsonofabitchemeffing boiler, is off and refuses to go back on. And the boiler guy, whose number husband apparently has on speed dial, cannot come over (see #3 Snowmageddon). Until Monday.

8. Swear profusely. Repeat this step as often as necessary. Also maybe stamp feet. For warmth. And emphasis.

9. Ask neighbor, who is over hanging out, to borrow space heaters.

10. Pray that the power doesn't go out.

Fuck fuck fuckity fucking goddamn fuckaliciousness fuckity fuck! For example.


  1. Oh Lisa :( I hope things are up and running soon! Baltimore miraculously has not lost power, but who knows how long that'll last!!

  2. Do you have or can you buy or borrow electric blankets? We have no heat in the bedroom (the people who owned the house before us added very pretty built ins that blocked all the vents in the bedroom, and electric blankets make everything better.)

  3. moosie - Nick got it going in the wee hours of the morning...and it's still on! But it's been on and off since Friday, so please keep fingers crossed! And glad you still have power!

    Jaclyn - We do have a couple, actually - I hadn't thought of that, but what a great idea! Betty has this fantastic one that is an underneath one, like a mattress pad. She's the queen of electric blankets.

  4. Wow. I hereby donate the remains of my profanity allotment (being from NJ, I get more than most, but used quite a few when I realized the snowplow had left 4 feet of packed snow behind half of my car) to your cause.

    Hope you're nice and toasty, now!

  5. Dagny, my profane Jersey friend, please curse up a storm for us. Heat is out AGAIN. We got a good 5-6 hours of heat this morning...however, back to brrrr!

  6. Been there-and it sucks! It came on and went off again? That sucks even more. Curl up with cutie pie Big J and Nick under that heated blanket. We lost it a few years ago for 5 days-all power-in January/Upstate NY. Temperatures at night were down to zero. Keeping the pipes from freezing was the main worry. When it's zero and you have a smallish fireplace, there aren't enough logs to keep a family warm! However, us adults did much better because we had the presence of mind to keep the liquor cabinet stocked! Hope it heats up soon for you!

  7. Ouch... *hugs* and warm thoughts.

  8. Umm just to be an utter bitch.....we are having 30 degrees temps here in NZ at the moment. Its so frekkin hot blah.....aww,look at all the pretty snow.....ahh wish I had snow to close my work for a day or two.....Think I might need to live in DC for a while to appreciate the fact snow is not all that much fun when its a constant.

    Ummm and a question??? with the UK and US going through some of the worst coldy bits on record....where exactly does global warming fit into this scenario??

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  10. I this deserves a snOMFG.

  11. Lisa - are things any better? That really, really sucks. I am glad the power did not go out on you though. We got 32"! I am still reeling . . .

  12. kayare - I can't even imagine this scenario in upstate NY! For FIVE days! Yikes!

    VVK - Thank you. Yes, ouch!

    Go-Betty - You know, I really liked you until you had to go and mention how HOT it is in NZ! I would practically kill for summer right now!

    As for the global warming business, I don't know. I really don't.

    Kiran - I KNOW! I just saw you all got the record for the area - I was thinking of you!

    Noo - Nick has been down at the boiler 54 million times today, but nothing. We've got the space heaters going and Jordan's, Betty's and our rooms are warm. We just ate dinner in the kitchen with the oven open. :)

  13. kris - Somehow I missed your piece of brilliance! HAHAHAHAHA!

  14. I'm glad Nick got it going! I hate to think of you burning piles of furniture for warmth.

  15. I'm so sorry you had to deal with this! I'm hearing so many horror stories from back home and can't believe you guys are getting the snow and we area getting rain! One of my friends ended up being by herself with her three kids because her husband's flight back from vegas was canceled. Then the snow storm took out her power and her water (well). She ended up going to a friend's house. I hope you get your heat back soon!!!

  16. Susan - He got it going and then it went away. Boiler man is supposed to arrive between 10 and noon...The furniture is safe, though. We have wood floors and so we'd have to burn the house down.

    mrsmac - Wow - we have it totally easy compared to her. That really really sucks.


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