Tuesday, May 01, 2012

Because you don't eat your broccoli. Duh.

Our Jordan is struggling with The Baby Sister.

He likes her - generally - and he's intrigued by her. He just didn't realize, all those months leading up to her arrival, that when she came she was going to stay. Like, for good.

Jordan loves me, and he loves my mom, but when Nick is around, we get kicked to the curb. He is all about his dad. Which is why I was surprised that he was so upset I was gone for a couple days. Nick said he cried easily, and when he was upset, he'd cry, "Mama! Maaaaaama!"

It made me think that since I'm always the one around, he kind of takes me for granted. And then suddenly, the rug was pulled out from under his firmly planted little feet. Although I'm not sure I like being the rug, now that I've put it that way.

I have this sudden image of one of those braided oval rugs. Like the kind you might keep in front of the kitchen sink, because if it gets dirty or greasy or whatever - which it invariably will - it doesn't matter as much.

And I'm not feeling sorry for myself at the moment. I swear.

Anyway.

The first few days, I had no time for just him. Every time he saw me, I had India in my arms. As the days have worn on, I've spent more time just the two of us - picked him up from day care or given him a bath or put him to bed. Eventually, we can go on adventures together.

Nick was lavishing Jordan with attention and adventures, but J was very emotional, clearly bothered. It's improving, slowly.

A couple nights after India and I came home from the hospital, Jordan began sobbing disconsolately at 3 am.

I'd just nursed India and put her down, and was lying down hoping to nap in between feeds...and there was my boy, sounding heartbroken. Since I was already fully awake, I hurried down to his room to see what was wrong.

There he was, in his bed, sobbing and sobbing. I leaned over and reached out my arms for him, and he sat up, thumb in mouth, tears streaking his face.

"What's wrong, my love?"

"Why?" he wailed. "Why did you put my bed in the alley?"

21 comments:

  1. Aw, poor little dude. It's hard for the older kid when the new baby comes. Zeke was very emotional for a couple of months after Josie was born. We did all the things you're doing - made special time to spend just with him, etc. - but mostly he just had to figure it out on his own. And now they're best friends.

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    1. I'm hoping they grow up really close. We are trying to keep a focus on him and make sure he feels like he's getting a lot of attention. He can be such a jerk, though, which makes me not want to deal with him, which is the opposite of what he's seeking...

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    2. He can't help it. This is a major life-altering event for him, plus he's 2 1/2. The changes going on in his brain are huge, and render him the equivalent of an insane midget.

      (Remind me of this advice when I'm about to clobber my 4 1/2 year old for being a jerk, which these days, is often.)

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    3. And as an aside, I would like to lodge a formal complaint regarding the appalling dearth of India photos on this little corner of the internets... ;)

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  2. OK this broke me down. Why must everything so good have to have that wretched badness come along too? I know you'll all figure this out, but I am sending lots of love and hugs to Jordan. Love You Jordan Little Buddy.

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    1. I know - it's so sad, isn't it? What a heart-wrenching little dream to have, to be shoved out in our horrible rat alley! I'll give him extra hugs from you. :)

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  3. Oh, the poor dear. It'll take a little while, but he will get used to things. And he will adore her. It just takes a little time.

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    1. Yah, that's what everyone has been saying. It is definitely getting better. But it's coincided with this tantrum-y age and he vacillates between so sweet and tremendous raging asshole. Ugh.

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  4. Oh my goodness, that is so sad! And yet I can't help thinking it must have been hard not to laugh a tiny bit. The things their little brains come up with..

    Also, cutest picture ever! Trio of cuteness.

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    1. I did suppress a giggle. But oh, he was so sad. We sat in the chair and cuddled for a long time and I told him I would always, always love him so much and he is so very important to us...

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    2. Ah, that is a beautiful picture. Poor little guy. Lucky little guy.

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  5. Melt your heart. Dealing with change is such an adult problem/skill. Lovely photo of your sweet son and daughter and Betty.

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    1. What a good point you make! And lots of adults don't deal with change that's been forced upon them very well.

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  6. Oh that's heartbreaking! Poor little guy, so many changes. And it's going to be quite a while before India is going to seem worth it to him, but [in grown-up time] soon she'll be fascinated by her big brother and he can enjoy that for a while. Then she gets a bit older and becomes a pest ...

    I know about the rug. I know all about the rug. I tried to think of something positive to say about it, but I don't think I'd do any better than I did with the big brother bit, so never mind.

    Just remember to keep writing to us about it so we can all laugh and then try to find encouraging things to say.

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    1. Yes, it's going to be a bit of time before she seems worth it. Right now he's always like, why is she sleeping? I want to wake her up. Why is she crying? And yes, eventually he'll be like, why does she want to follow me around and do everything I do???

      I will blog whenever I can. I love writing, and I love the connection to all of you!

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  7. Esme brought flowers to the twins in the hospital and doted over them like they were dolls. But the day they first came into the house, after a few hours of chatting and laughing and enjoying the family, she stood in the middle of the living room and burst into tears.
    It's hard to be the big sibling. Which just gave me an idea, can you send me an email with your address? I have a book I'd like to give Jordan.

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    1. Oh, poor little Esme! And there were TWO of them at once. That must've been so hard for everyone.

      That would be awesome. Will email you.

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  8. Oooh, poor little guy. It's gotta be tough to have your world change, but not know how to explain it!

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    1. Yes. This morning he took Nick's oatmeal and wanted it all to himself. Nick said they could share. And Jordan, who is usually very good at sharing, said, "WE DON'T LIKE TO SHARE."

      Hmmmm.

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  9. You know, I think it's a very good thing that Jordan is so articulate and is able to say so much about his thoughts and feelings. No, we don't like to share, do we? Not when it seems as though we're suddenly losing so much. Being articulate and being capable of some rather sophisticated abstract thought means not only that you and Nick and Betty can better help him to cope, it also means he's better able to work out a lot on his own. Jordon knows a lot about what he's feeling and that's a very good thing. It may seem a dumb observation, but many people actually don't and I think that makes it worse for everyone.

    And, of course, it means that you'll have so very many things to tell us about Jordan and India and everything.

    Not that your hands/arms/entire life and every waking hour aren't already very full, but I'd love to know how everybody's room has turned out or is looking now as I was enjoying those posts as well. Hugs to Jordan and you can tell him we'd love to see his room and big boy bed [unless that would upset him more right now, then please forget I said anything].

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    1. Nick is the one who was like, hey, this is a big message he's giving us. Doesn't want to share! He's a sensitive little boy, even though he's a huge lumberjack-sized kid.

      The rooms...Jordan's is still chaotic as we have the bed and the crib, and since she's sleeping with us, the nursery isn't really a nursery yet, but is actually a pretty room. Thanks for reminding me - I'll take and post pictures!

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