13 years of marital bliss etc.

Dear Nick,

Today is the day, 13 years ago, when we stood up in front of so many loved ones and promised to love and I honestly can't remember what else (although I know for a fact that obey was not in there) forever and ever.

This was right after the exchange of rings or maybe between rings, and is possibly my favorite photo of the two of us.

I remember female family friends telling me to marry a man who made me laugh. (One mom told me to marry a nerd, because nerds make the best husbands.)

At the time, or those multiple times, I imagine I was like, uh, I really just want to marry someone cute who takes me out for nice dinners. But as it turns out, I married a nerd who makes me laugh, and I probably should've listened to way more advice from the moms in my life way earlier.

Anyway.

We asked an old family friend to marry us, which meant getting some kind of internet minister certificate. Which he got but then DC somehow made approval complicated.

And DC also wanted us to get tested for syphilis before they would grant us a marriage license.

Neither of us objected, and both our primary care doctors said they were happy to give a blood test, but then were like, an official form? To prove you don't have syphilis? Where does one find this form?

The DC getting married instructions said doctor's offices would have such form.

They had no idea. We had no idea. It was all proving more administratively complicated for our minister and us than it seemed it should be.

And time was ticking.

So in the week prior to the wedding, we got a marriage license in Alexandria, and headed to the office of a lawyer in Old Town who would marry us.

You drove, and as you parked you said, "Watch the door."

I was like, "Yes, yes..." Because let us be frank: you are a person who gives instructions like, all the time. 

I barely knew you and I knew that.

And then I opened the car door without paying attention and slammed it into the metal post that you were trying to get me to avoid. It made a big dent.

You came around to my side and yelled, "God fucking dammit! I told you to watch the door!"

So I said I'd pay for it, which didn't make an sense because all our finances were about to be joined and so if I was paying for it, you were paying for it. Which you pointed out. You were still mad.

At which point I started to cry and said I didn't think this was a very good way to head into a marriage.

I mean, really.

So you apologized for getting so angry and I apologized for ignoring your request and subsequently walloping your car really hard with an iron pole, and we headed into the lawyer's office.

And then some shockingly brief amount of time later, we were actually married.

It was so easy I was wondering why neither of us had ever done that before. (Ha! I'm kidding.)

But for me the day that matters is the day we spent with our loved ones surrounding us. Which was today, 13 years ago.

I look at the photos and I see the faces of people we dearly loved who are no longer with us. I see people we love and still have in our lives.

I am so grateful they were there with us.

So, I think we would both agree that 13 years is no small chunk of time.

This morning I said, "Happy anniversary! I'd marry you all over again!" 

As I was giving you a kiss, Jordan said, "Yeah. Some days I'm not so sure that's true."

What I did not understand before marriage was that staying married turns out to be a choice you make repeatedly. Some days you're in harmony and life flows and is easy and joyful. And some days are hard. Sometimes those days turn into weeks or even months or longer.

Marriage, it turns out, at least ours, is playing the long game. I never had a long game before.

Sometimes, in our marriage anyway, one might spend months of their first child's life awake and seething at night, dividing up the furniture. Sometimes one's husband might be mad at them for pretty much an entire year. 

Sometimes one might consider and perhaps even discuss not being married, and then decide together that in fact, the two of you would prefer to slog through whatever it might be together.

This turns out to be remarkably satisfying.

And sometimes one of you is having the hardest time ever, and the other is there to support you through it, no matter what.

I never had this kind of certainty. 

Happy anniversary, dear.

Today I'd marry you all over again.

I'd just be more careful about the car door.

Love,

Lisa

Eight songs for a mad king

Eight years ago tonight, we said, "I do" and "I do" and then burst out laughing.

This is one of my favorite photos from our wedding.

We kissed first. Or maybe we kissed too early? And then started laughing? I can't quite remember. All I know is, we laughed and laughed. We were married and we were delighted.

It is the laughter that sustains us and that saves us, every time.

It's not like with the kids, where we've somehow, once again, gotten into a standoff about shoes. Or  breakfast. Or tooth brushing. Even though I try so hard to remember to voice their feelings. "You're so frustrated. You want to play. You don't want to put on your shoes."

Too often in the moment, I forget.

I try to remind myself, but then it is morning and everything is hard and I end up being all, "Just put on your shoes! We put shoes on every day! We have to go! Put them on!"

But if we do get into that spiral and I can break the tension "Look, a squirrel!" or make them laugh, we can reset and move forward.

But with grownups, with us, "Look, a squirrel!" doesn't work.

Our tension is not so easily broken.

Eight years ago on this day, we'd known each other for approximately 10 months. Most of those months our free time was spent watching The Office, doing the crossword, swilling beer in bars, and going for runs along the Potomac.

Those months were easy. We had one big fight, about our honeymoon. Seriously. That was the biggest thing we had to fight about. Which exotic location and for how long.

We both wanted kids. We were raised with a strong work ethic, and to pay bills and only incur debt very carefully and with much deliberation. Our politics and worldviews aligned. We both liked Bells Two Hearted.

We could not talk or talk forever and still find things to not talk about.

And we each found the other funny. Sometimes only mildly amusing. And sometimes hilarious. This was what really got me.

Nick was smart and kind, and he made me laugh. And he loved my humor. Obviously, if he hadn't found me funny, I'd have considered him humorless.

Now we have kids. We spend most of our free time with them. Sometimes this is tremendously fun, and sometimes it's incredibly taxing, and often it's both, all swirled together. But regardless, we both consider it important to parent as well as we can.

But this means we have very little time or energy for the two of us. Our relationship suffers for it.

We have a house that demands a lot, both maintenance-wise and financially. Our politics and worldviews are unchanged and compatible. We almost never drink beer. (Separate personal choices for differing reasons.)

We fight, boy howdy, do we fight. Sometimes the mad lasts for only 15 minutes, or for an hour or two. In the worst case it lasted about a year.

I can simultaneously love Nick with all my heart and be angry enough to loathe him with every fiber of my being. They aren't contradictory, at least not to me. And he is strong enough to handle it.

I don't exactly believe women who never admit to wanting to stab their husbands.

Recently a dear friend asked me if I think she is hard to live with. I said yes. She is hard to live with and I am hard to live with, and so is my husband. It is hard to live with people.

People are annoying when you have to live with their moods and uncapped toothpaste and inside out socks.

So we pick the ones we love the most. The ones whose minds intrigue us. The ones with whom we are our best version of ourselves, because we feel truly good with them. And with whom we can be our worst, most vulnerable versions of ourselves, because we trust and feel safe with them.

The ones who make us laugh, really laugh.

I did, and I do, and I would all over again.

Oh, look! A squirrel!

Like a river flows surely to the sea

Tomorrow is our sixth wedding anniversary.

In six years of marriage, we have: had two children; lost two parents; sold one condo; bought one house; sold Betty's house; moved Betty in; and lived through four years of construction. Have I left anything major out? Possibly.

I'm not a math person, but this is a lot to fit into six short years.

Also, Nick has grown a beard and although I don't generally favor facial hair, I think he looks like a pirate in a good way. But that actually has nothing to do with the issue at hand. Or maybe it does. I don't know.

What I have really been thinking about, however, is our wedding.

We debated having a wedding or taking the money and putting it towards a house, because even if you are not buying a dress and you find a reasonably-priced (for the DC area) venue, weddings are spendy. So we thought about it pretty hard.

And we are both still so very glad we chose the wedding.

Not just because we wanted to have a ceremony in front of our loved ones. Nor because I loved wearing the dress that my mom and her mother had made for Betty's wedding. Nor because I delighted in my only opportunity to wear a veil. Nor because I have ever felt more beautiful. Nor that having a wedding brought great joy to our parents. Or even because we love cake and we had an amazing one.

Although all of these things are true and I reveled in every moment.

The biggest thing I am grateful for is that we had a joyful event with so many of our loved ones. I've been told that people gather for weddings and funerals, and it is true.

If I have one regret, it is that we did not video the part of the ceremony where the guests were invited to stand and speak as they felt moved to. It was my favorite part. I mean besides the rings and the death do us part, of course.

Many people said amazing, beautiful things. And some funny ones. Jane said, "I take partial credit for this. I told her to marry the man with the boat!"

We had everyone sign a piece of paper after the ceremony, and we were going to have it framed with our vows, which were rather simple. But in the end we got it framed alone, and it is simple and beautiful. I particularly love that if you see it on our wall and don't know what it is, you just think it's art.

I look at our pictures on occasion, and I look at the signatures on the wall every day. Some of them are people we loved deeply who are no longer with us. My dad. Our friend Bill, who became a sham Internet minister to marry us. His wife Gouri. Maude's mom. Nick's dad.

Some of them are people who live far, far away, and traveled great distances to join us. Australia. California. England. France. The Netherlands. Macedonia. Poland. Texas. I may be forgetting a country or state of notable distance.

People we would never, ever willingly let go of. People we would see all the time, if we could. And for one evening, we had them all together in one place. We laughed so hard with them. We danced. We hugged them all tightly. And we will always, always have the beautiful memories.

You may have thought, reading the first line, that this would be an homage to love.

And it is.

The first best day of my life

Four years ago, I made my best move ever and married Nick. It was a short walk down an aisle that had been a long time coming.

 

Our wedding was glorious; I wanted it to last forever. At that point, it was the best day of my life - the first of now several. By our wedding day, I'd only known Nick for about 10 months, and we've since agreed that it could all have ended very quickly and badly.

But sometimes fortune smiles down on you, and look where we are now.

This morning, after an awakey-snuffly-baby-with-a-cold kind of dreadful night, as we were scrambling to get everyone ready for work, work, school, and daycare, India was screaming her head off in her crib (DON'T PUT ME DOOOOWN, WOMAN!) upstairs, and Jordan was throwing a fit downstairs (I WANT TO WATCH A VIDEO! I DON'T WANT TO EAT BREAKFAST!).

We looked at each other, clinked our mugs of tea, and said, "Happy anniversary!"

Somehow I got so lucky. I wouldn't change a thing. Except more sleep and less infant and toddler screaming.

*****

Profuse thanks for the video go to one of Nick's oldest and dearest friends, Matt Curran. Lucky for us, one day he had both a shiny new MacBookPro and time on his hands and decided to play with photos; this video is the delightful result!

The only way I could like this more is if it were set to a recording of him singing. Matt's a professional opera singer with this deliciously deep voice and fantastic and random sense of humor. Which explains some of the captions.

Take my hand. Take my whole life, too.

Two years ago today, on a greyish, freshish, maybe-it-will-maybe-it-won't-rain (but if it does it's good luck)-ish day, I did the following.

Got up and ironed the shawls one last time and put them in bags.

Picked up Jen and headed to the salon.

Got my hair all sleeked down curled up and sprayed sprayed sprayed - with an extra can for intermittent spraying throughout the day!

Headed to the fancy schmancy were-assholes-to-work-with-but-in-the-end-it-was-worth-it-because-boy-is-it-stunning location.

Drank champagne and chatted with my dearest friends.

Put on my mama's white dress and headed downstairs.
Walked down the aisle with my dad.

Had the most personal, wonderful ceremony.

Promised to love Nick for the rest of my life.

And I do. And I will.

I said it was the best day of my life. And it was.

What I didn't know then was that it was just going to keep getting better.

So Nick compared my high school reunion to a wedding and it makes me want to wear my veil and I am not kidding

One of Nick's friends asked him how my high school reunion went.

He replied, "She had a great time. It was kind of like a wedding."

I don't know if you have ever donned a veil, but I did, just that once, and it felt like magic. When I was a kid, one Christmas my dad gave me a purple feather boa. I just felt better when I had it on. It was exactly like that.

I'd wear it every day if I could. Honestly.

But I digress.

So he went on to explain the wedding analogy to me: there was the build-up. The anticipation! The excitement! And! Then! The all-weekend party! It was so incredible for all of us to be together! We stayed up late and drank too much and danced and talked and talked and talked and had such an amazing time!

(I'm adding the exclamation points; unlike me, Nick doesn't talk all exclamation-pointy.)

He went on, "And then there was some bratty behavior..."

"Wait, who was bratty?"

"You were. You were kind of a bridezilla."

"I was not! At our wedding!?"

"No. At your reunion."

"What?"

"You were all, this is MY weekend."

(At which point I was immediately all, asshole, it was MY weekend. YOU had your reunion weekend out of town. So you spent the weekend boozing and sleeping in and doing whatever the fuck you wanted ELSEWHERE while I stayed home with the kid.)

But since I'd already gotten 54 kinds of furious about our incident that weekend, thus branding myself as "bratty" I said, "Go on."

Although I maybe muttered "anal sphincter" under my breath a few times in a row. What? Sometimes it just feels good.

He continued, "You all had a great time all weekend. And then it was over and everyone left. And then you crashed."

And this was true. I had a hard week last week. I felt a lack in my world.

(I'd say a disruption in the force, but then you'd know for sure what a dork I am.)

I'd heard about people having the post-wedding crash, where they miss the lead-up and the excitement and anticipation and then they have such a good time! And then there is this void in their lives.

While I loved our wedding like crazy and wanted it to go on and on, this wasn't the case with me.

But post-reunion, I definitely felt like my life was, I don't know, a little less brightly colored. It wasn't Oz vs. Kansas. But somehow slightly diminished.

Realistically, I know that it was a superintense, highly emotional time. We filled Every. Single. Minute. with talk and laughter and drinks and remember when! and hugging and oh!, there is not enough time! Sleep is for when you're dead because we only have a couple days! and wow, I've missed you!

You can't sustain that intensity for very long. I get that. But coming down from it was hard.

And I love my now life. I love my husband and my child beyond reason. I never get enough time with either of them, and I revel in the time we have. I love where we live. I love my friends.

But still, I've realized that there's this little piece of my heart that is missing here.

It doesn't stop me from being happy. I don't generally feel the lack.

In fact, I didn't even realize it was empty, until it was full.

I'm so totally putting on that veil when I get home.

High school reunion dresses: Colors! And way more life history than you bargained for.

This is even less apples to apples than yesterday, as these photos span years, events, and hairstyles.

But consistency is tedious. Also, there's a good reason.

Last night we got a call with the news of the death of a very dear family friend. I don't have the emotional energy to write about it at the moment, plus thinking about it makes me cry. Nick took Betty to their house while I stayed home with J, and they were there all evening.

I started looking through photos, because she was at our wedding. Her husband, in fact, became a sham Internet minister to marry us. This of course led to looking at photos with my dad in them, and onward to other events and happy times.

It was cathartic, actually.

And in the process of looking, it dawned on me - these are the dresses! I've had them forever and worn them 54 million times! While I have different hair, I'm the same size, and actually a little fitter now than in some of these photos.

Favorite brown dress front:

So, confession, this is a tarty picture not taken by Nick, BUT if you walk into the lobby of the W in New Orleans and they have this bordello-y couch, how can you not fling yourself on it? In fact, I was really wishing I had minions to feed me grapes. Wouldn't you?
Also, this is the only picture I have of these shoes, I think. The truth is, they aren't the comfiest, but I could wear them all night if they were the right shoe for the job.

FBD back:

Answering the door for dad as he arrived to get dressed for my wedding.
Red dress 1:

I wore this to my brother's wedding reception. I know I look like a snob but I was just nervous.
It's linen and I love the little ribbon tie. I wore it with little strappy black shoes I no longer own. So I think I would wear it with gold or silver sandals??

Perhaps I'll photograph shoe options tonight. And jewelry! Betty's awesome (and now mine!) jewelry!

RD 2:

Same as FBD above. Seriously one of the comfiest dresses I have ever ever owned. It's like being naked but being able to go out in public without anyone batting an eye.

I don't know what shoes I'd wear.
Silver dress:

This drape in the front of this dress is great, and the back is totally bare. Plus, I love anything metallic and prettyshinysparkly.

I bought it for Maude's wedding, and then wore it for Tej's rehearsal dinner. And actually, then to my rehearsal dinner - and actually, there's a shot of the back during that dinner.

Does it make me pale? Or is that just in contrast to Tej's lovely coloring? And doesn't she look stunning?
The whole crew was in the photo I cropped below, and it's like looking at a former life. Chuck is still alive, and there with his wife. David and his wife are there. Tej is not yet married. None of us but Chuck have kids.

I'm one of maybe three single people at the wedding, and I don't know if you can tell from my face, but all weekend I was smiling for the camera while tamping down that sick stomach panic all, "FML. I am so going to die alone."
Shiny flowery dress:

This might be my favorite neckline. I also love that it's a kind of bizarro color and there's no chance of walking into a room and being all, oh, same dress. Huh.

You can't exactly see the huge hoop earrings, but sort of. They were Betty's and she passed them on to me. But I don't know that I can pull them off with the shorty short hair now.

Also also - WHY did I cut and bleach the crap out of my hair? I like this hair here.
Happy shiny people:

You can kind of see the waist and part of the skirt. It comes to the knee. We accosted strangers at the FDR Memorial to take our picture where we got engaged.
AND the BD2 full-length bathroom shot:

Speaking of being non-religious

You all, we got the wedding pictures from the photographer!

I've been going through them and reliving all of those little moments all over again and getting all happy and giggly and teared up. I intend to include pictures in a few upcoming posts. And this one, for that matter.

Hopefully the idea of more wedding pictures does not make you want to spoon your eyes out.

So while we were getting ready, Tori pulled out a book and handed it to me with great solemnity. I assumed it was a Bible. Surprising, but, um, thanks.

And then - wow, thanks!In fact, hallelujah!

Spring was never waiting for us dear, It ran one step ahead...

Friday night we went to see Quantum of Solace with Nick's office.

I categorically love Bond movies. Even though I generally dislike action films, even though this one got a bad review, even though the plot wasn't great...I love old Bond. I love new Bond. I love Daniel Craig.

This, except for location, has nothing do with Donna Summer and the fabulous flames on her suit in this video. In case you were wondering.

So.

There were cocktails before the film, and I chatted with a number of Nick's colleagues, some of whom I hadn't seen since summer.

A couple of them - women who had enlightened me about the hooking up phenomenon - asked how I'd liked the Love Mix.

The night of our wedding, a CD made its way into Nick's pocket. They'd enlisted one of his partners to deliver "Nick and Lisa's Love Mix." We were supposed to play it that night as mood music.

The Love Mix:
1. We Built This City - Starship
2. Dog and Butterfly - Heart
3. MacArthur Park - Donna Summer
4. Ice Ice Baby - Vanilla Ice
5. Macarena - Los del Rio
6. Mambo #5 - Lou Bega
7. Yummy Yummy Yummy - Ohio Express
8. Ebony and Ivory - Paul McCartney and Stevie Wonder
9. The Devil Went Down to Georgia - Charlie Daniels Band
10. Who Let the Dogs Out? - Baha Men
11. MMMBop - Hansen
12. Puppy Love - Toni Snyder
13. Titanic Song - Celine Dion
14. I Would Do Anything for Love - Meat Loaf
15. Barbie Girl - Aqua
16. The Girl is Mine - Paul McCartney and Michael Jackson
17. She Thinks My Tractor's Sexy - Kenny Chesney

If you're wondering what all these things have in common, it is this. They are, according to Nick and these women, the worst songs ever.

Some - like We Built This City and MacArthur Park - are very clearly Nick's picks. I've heard a number of times how terrible they are. And since Nick loathes Heart, of course he'd hate Dog and Butterfly, which I'd never heard before.

A number of the others they chose.

(What they don't know is that Nick actually likes MMMBop. Really.)

Personally, I don't know what songs I'd put on a worst songs ever list. Because me, I like a lot of these songs.

I love Donna Summer. I don't care if MacArthur Park is about leaving a cake out in the rain. And how can you not love The Devil Went Down to Georgia? This is a fantastic song! The Barbie Girl song is on my running mix. And Nick likes Meatloaf. Actually, I like Meatloaf too. I just do.

So there.

Why indeed?

"Hey, Lis?"

"Yes?"

"What's going on in this picture?"

"We're cutting the cake."

(Duh.)

"I know. . .But why are you doing that?"

Pause. . .

"I guess because it's the kind of thing I do."

In which we have pints at Biddy's, hug random youths in Dupont Circle, and take a lot of pictures of people we do not know

We headed to Biddy's after the reception ended. Because what's better at the end of the night than Guinness? Full of B vitamins and trace amounts of protein! Keeps you strong!Jen and I used to go there often when she lived here, and I'd had spent so many happy hours there, it just felt like the perfect place to go. And it was.My dress had been stepped on 37 million times, so it wasn't like I was going to get it dirtier. So I put on flip flops, pulled up my dress so it wouldn't drag, and walked over. Here I am with my two Janes.

Nick was still wearing the gold jacket.
This gold jacket, coupled with the big white wedding dress, sent a lot of random attention our way. Some of that attention came in the form of pints from the bar and tequila shots from a group of guys.
One of tequila shot-senders had gotten married the month prior. He loved Nick's jacket. So we took a picture of him wearing it. I assured him Nick had not gotten married in it. The guy's wife showed up a little later, and she and I had a good talk about the not getting married in a gold paisley jacket.

We left Biddy's around 2:00 am, and Dupont Circle was empty, so we headed over there to take pictures.
A group of (what we learned from chatting with them were) GW students happened along. They were so young and cute and all, "Hey, a bride! Hi, bride!"

They offered to take our picture. And then, one by one, joined us in photos.
We hugged some of them. In fact, we probably hugged them all. I don't remember, but I'm likely to have done so.
Eventually, we posed with all.

Grandeur! Champagne! Underwear! Rules!

Let me start by saying that I can't imagine a lovelier place to get ready for a wedding. It was so spacious and comfortable and beautiful. I really appreciated it.

Also, photos are not in any kind of order of arrival.

That said. As I've mentioned before, there are many, many house rules where we got married.

One of the things you are not supposed to do, although it has large, grand gates and a driveway, is drive up to the front. Which I knew.

However, when you and your maid of honor have freshly-coiffed hair, and are laden with stuff - very much stuff!, and it's intermittently raining...and you are The Bride, you overcome your first-born-rule-followeryness - and pull up at the front door! Ha!

You are almost turned away, until one of the people says, "The Bride!" - and you smile bridily, and draw yourself up to your full 5'3" brideliness - at which point you are invited to take all your stuff upstairs, and of course you can leave your car while you drop off your things.

I can see why people would take the liberty of running with it for an entire Bridezilla year. It's shockingly empowering.

We were ushered up to a room so large and fabulous that my jaw dropped. Nick organized it when they informed us we couldn't have the room we were supposed to until 4 pm. This room? Larger than my place in DC.
I probably said, "Holy crap!" Which I know is not very bridely. But holy crap!

Ginormous! Fancy! Fabulous!

We immediately spread out, and I'm sorry we didn't take before pictures, because all the shots include things everywhere. Champagne bottles. Glasses. Crinoline. Gift bags. Stuff, stuff, and more stuff.
There were two beds - one bed devoted to crinoline, and the other, to flowers.
There were - and I am not kidding you, and I'm also sorry I didn't take a picture - a list of RULES in the room. If I recall correctly, they were laminated.

Jen picked them up, and said, "The Rules! There are Rules to follow!"

As soon as we came across Rules, we immediately took a picture of me holding up my underwear in front of George Washington.
I feel I ought to clarify. Not the underwear I was wearing at the time. The underwear I'd brought along to wear.

So The Rules. We didn't read them. We took turns guessing instead.

"No music!"

"No laughter!"

"No alcohol!"

"No prancing around in underwear!"

"No nose picking!"

And then we maybe laughed raucously and changed the playlist and did a little underwear dance number and opened a bottle of champagne.
Cheers!

Jennifer, the magic makeup woman, was one of the first to arrive. She herself is so incredibly lovely. And she really is magic. I would recommend her to anyone, absolutely anyone and am happy to pass on her contact info.
My bridesmaids arrived at different times, so the party kept getting better. More friends! More champagne!
One fantastic thing about this room was that we could just keep adding people. So my dad got to hang out with my friends and me.

Because when my dad turned up, tux in hand, to say he was trying to find Nick and the guys to change in their room, we invited him in to change in the closet. The closet. Is bigger than the bedroom in my condo.

This of course engendered many "You can come out of the closet" kinds of jokes. Because as The Bride, I can still act, um, 12.
Jane's boyfriend Matty came up and stayed for a bit. He'd been hanging out with our high school friend Tony, drinking and watching football all day. He'd also had to buy a tie, and had gotten an Obama tie from a street vendor for the event.

This delighted me no end. And, incidentally, got him in trouble with one of my sisters-in-law at the reception.

But I digress.

Betty then arrived all ready, and she hung out as well. She's prettier than this picture, but it's one of the few I have.
And then Tori's very cool boyfriend, who I need to mention was just so amazingly sweet, came in. I'd not met him before Friday night, and he is just such a delight. He picked up sandwiches for lunch for us, and brought coffee in a low-caffeine point.

We (OK, I) had thought about making the historic house people lose their shit by ordering pizza, but Nick very sternly told me to behave and not try and cause a pre-wedding scene and make them mad by having Domino's ring their bell.

This meant we needed someone to discreetly sneak food in. Which he happily did for us.

So nice, no?

And here's Maude, who arrived late (has a baby - much to organize!) and veryverystressed, and was handed champagne and a present, and very quickly transformed from hot, sweaty, stressed to dressed and lovely.
Lovely.

It was the absolute best pre-party.

In which we started out worlds apart and ended up in the same place

We'd decided to stay together at Nick's Friday night, then part in the morning and not see each other again until the wedding.

That morning, I awoke with a start at 9:30. Alone.

9:30! Aaagh! I had 54 things to do before my hair appointment at 11:00!

9:30! Crisis!

I whirlwinded out into the living room. "It's 9:30!"

I was frenzied, pulling out the shawls to iron, throwing things into a bag to take downtown, trying to remember what I'd made sure I wouldn't forget before falling asleep the night before. What the fuck was it I'd told myself to remember?

Me, on my wedding morning, running in circles, flapping my arms. Getting nothing done and causing a whole lot of commotion. So much to do! How to start? And so little time!

I was a little hung over, and a lot tired. I'd been up from 3-6:00 am all thinky. Just excited. I'd assumed I'd nap, and then get up at seven with enough time to go for a run, pack the bags, etc.

Ha.

So at 9:30, I was completely discombobulated.

Nick was calmly sipping tea and watching The Office. He grabbed my hand, patted his knee. "Come watch this, sweetie. It's funny!"

Few things are more infuriating than someone inviting you to watch television when you have many important, critical, immediate things on your agenda. Like, like underwear! And teeth-brushing! And coffee!

And that's just for starters!

And the wedding lipstick! Where the fuck did I put my wedding lipstick? Don't you know I can't get married without this lipstick I purchased specifically for this one particular event?

And you want me to sit down and watch The Office?

"Gaaaah! What is wrong with you? How can you just sit there watching TV when there's so much to do?"

Flap flap.

Except that there wasn't so much for him to do. Really, he had a day of lunch with the guys, getting himself clean, and getting dressed by 4:00 pm.

Plenty of time for the new Office.

But he is a kind man, and he loves me, and plus, there's probably only so much frenzy and flapping you can watch before feeling bad for the person and stepping in.

So he made me some coffee and helped with the shawls, and the finding of the camera charger (I remembered!), and the packing of the bag. And I found the fucking wedding lipstick. And the underwear. And any number of other things. And crammed them all in a bag and flitted out the door.

The breakfast? The good breakfast everyone told me to have, very important, don't miss it?

Not a chance.

Breakfast of champions post-hair appointment? A Balance bar. And ooh la la Champagne.

We'd left his car downtown the night before, so he drove me into the city, parked, foisted Gatorade on me, and kissed me goodbye as I sprinted down the block to the salon.

And the next time we saw each other, he had on his tuxedo, and I had on my big princess dress, and it felt like we had all the time in the entire world.

Fast forward to a brief overview of the wedding ceremony. In brief: getting married is fun!

In response to a demand for pictures! Wedding pictures! I am skipping forward.

Please realize this is totally incomplete, and we don't yet have the photographer's pics (but Tej's husband Raj took a lot of very nice ones, featured here). I only have one of my bridesmaids - Jen - coming down the aisle, and I don't have any group shots.

Really, it's mostly Nick and me. And me and me and me. You will probably be pretty sick of pictures of me by the end of this.

I have been trying to figure out how to organize this whole wedding story, because for me, the wedding was really in the middle of things - both an end and a beginning. But squarely positioned between a bunch of amazingness with my friends and a huge adventure with Nick.

But frankly, I often wish I could TiVo real life situations. So I get it, this show the wedding already! sentiment, and so the following is a brief overview.

First, my friend Tori sang "O Mio Babbino Caro" - the aria from A Room With a View, if that rings a bell. She is a breathtakingly beautiful soprano, and honest-to-God, she made people cry while singing. Alas, no picture of this yet.

However, here she is before the wedding, so you have some idea. Incidentally, this photo was taken in the room we had all day to get ready in. It was sooo fabulous. Enormous, gorgeous, glam!
And then my bridesmaids entered. Here's gorgeous Jen with the orange and fuchsia Gerber daisy bouquet they all carried.
Here's my dad walking me in.
And wishing me well before getting married.
These are the flowers next to (not on top of, heaven forbid!) the fireplace.
It was a non-traditional ceremony, and for part of it we borrowed from Quaker tradition and invited attendees to stand and speak as they felt moved to. Which is why we are seated, just the two of us, listening.

This part was incredible, and I'd suggest incorporating something like it to anyone.
Here we are saying our vows.
Putting the ring on Nick's finger was just incredible. I had no idea it would feel like such a big deal.
The kiss.
Post-kiss. And the same wide-open mouth laughing face I had on for the rest of the evening.
Who knew getting married would be so much fun?