Friday, October 26, 2012

Frankenstorm, emergency porn, butt paste, and bathtub gin. Not together. Or maybe.

So there is this hurricane - Sandy - heading our way (and how come there's never a Hurricane Lisa, I'd like to know?), plus a winter storm and together they are supposed to do a million dollars worth of damage, knock out power and water, and disrupt the election.

People are rushing out and buying food, water, liquor. Jordan's school sent out an in-case-of-emergency message. Everyone is talking about this. I read a comment on someone's Facebook wall saying they didn't have to rush out because their Mormon upbringing meant they were stocked for a year. Which is practical.

The only thing I think we likely have a year-worth of is Japanese rice crackers and butt paste. Although I realize the latter is not food and would not be of use if the storm or the terrorists take out the water and power.

Although, honestly, if the terrorists attack DC, we're so close to the White House that I figure we're goners anyway. Unless butt paste is somehow helpful. We could coat ourselves in it and...sneak off to Canada? I don't know.

But back to Frankenstorm.

I cannot help but think that the media is enjoying hyping this because they are dead tired of talking about the election. As is everyone I know.

YOU GUYS! A STORM! PANIC! HYSTERIA! RUN OUT AND BUY WATER AND TOILET PAPER AND PORN! YOU KNOW, IN CASE THE POWER IS OUT FOR A LONG TIME!

Truthfully, I've not seen a single news outlet suggest the purchasing of emergency porn. I'm just kidding about that one.

So the storm is kind of a nice diversion from this appallingly partisan, divisive election.

And yet, much as I am so fucking sick of it, I still talk about it. I can't seem to stop talking about it. And every time I see a female friend on Facebook say something pro-Romney on Facebook I have to bite my fingers.

Because I want to reach through the screen, shake them and say, "Seriously? Do you want to hand your reproductive rights over to these narrow-minded men who minimize rape, who don't want you to get paid the same as your male colleagues? Seriously? And PS, you're not in the demographic they give a shit about, so if you personally think a Romney-Ryan regime is going to improve your life, maybe just buy a bunch of extra liquor for that four-year shitstorm."

But I don't, because where would that get me?

Plus, WHY CAN'T I STOP TALKING ABOUT THIS?

LOOK, A HURRICANE! LET'S MAKE BATHTUB GIN!

Happy weekend, all!

17 comments:

  1. If Romney wins I'll go to Canada with you. Leave the butt paste here they're going to need it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Lynn, you make me laugh and laugh!

      Delete
  2. Lisa is on the Hurricane name list for 2016. Here it is:

    Hurricane names for 2016

    • Alex
    • Bonnie
    • Colin
    • Danielle
    • Earl
    • Fiona
    • Gaston
    • Hermine
    • Igor
    • Julia
    • Karl
    • Lisa
    • Matthew
    • Nicole
    • Otto
    Paula
    • Richard
    • Shary
    • Tomas
    • Virginie
    • Walter

    Also, if a hurricane does enough damage, they retire the name. There will never be another Andrew, Wilma, Katrina, etc.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Yay for Hurricane Lisa! Let's hope she doesn't devastate too terribly much.

    When I find out that people I like -- even love -- are supporting Romney/Ryan, I comfort myself by remembering that the Salt Lake Tribune has endorsed Obama.

    It doesn't really work, though. Not for very long. It's so confusing why anyone would fall for that pair.

    So, uh, yeah, how's the weather?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The weather...we're waiting. It's weird.

      You know, it seems that every time I open Facebook someone completely gets my goat all over again. FB keeps suggesting I like Romney, because one of my friends does.

      Delete
  4. There was a Hurricane Lisa in 1998. No Hurricane Jessica, though. Not ever. Hmph. And aren't you SO GLAD you kept that bathtub?!?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hahaha! Yes, so glad we kept the bathtub! Imagining making gin in Jordan's bedroom. :)

      Delete
  5. Sophie's Sean10/26/2012 10:02 PM

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hurricane_Lisa_%281998%29

    "Since Lisa remained away from land, no effects, property damage or fatalities were reported; no ships were affected, and no tropical cyclone warnings and watches were issued." In other words, "Hurricane Lisa: The Considerate Hurricane."

    And you would be most welcome in Canada, with butt paste or without.

    I'm trying to picture the Canadian border guards. They would probably notice that you were covered in butt paste but since they are Canadian, they would probably be too polite to ask about it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I don't want to be a considerate hurricane! I want to be a terrible force of nature! :)

      And you so made me laugh with the politeness of the Canadian border guards! Hilarious!

      Delete
  6. This may cheer you up (it's an amazing Simpson animator's illustration of an Obama speech):

    http://front.moveon.org/brilliant-a-simpsons-animator-works-his-magic-on-a-rousing-obama-speech/#.UItEt41J7nE.facebook

    ReplyDelete
  7. This storm is coming. I am going to steal all the Romney Ryan signs in our neighborhood if they haven't already been taken down and blame them on the winds.

    I want to shake a lot of people these days. Just pray that this ends well. I won't be handle the coy faces or stupid remarks on Facebook otherwise.

    And then a bitch slap might just have to happen. Not saying for sure. But maybe.
    Kiran

    ReplyDelete
  8. So in 2016 we'll have to endure election talk again BUT it will be all right because we have monitoring Tropical Storm Lisa to look forward to :)

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  9. Hope you're all safe and sound in DC.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Also, there was the super destructive Gloria in 1985 that ended up getting retired. So you can take comfort in the fact that part of your blog name got to wreak havoc on the East coast! :) (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hurricane_Gloria)

    ReplyDelete
  11. I've had to avoid FB for weeks and weeks in order to keep from losing my damn mind.

    I married a guy that looks conservative that actually IS conservative. I fear for his safety on election night if Romney wins. Because I may kill him.

    ReplyDelete

Tell me about it.