I have now had three pregnancies, even though the third was short-lived.
But it reminded me, particularly having a miscarriage, of how strongly I believe that women should be in charge of their own bodies, in control of their fertility, and able to make their own choices about whether or not to carry a pregnancy to term.
Because even with a loving, supportive husband, I was really quite alone in my pregnancies. Not just this last, brief one. All of them.
It wasn't deliberate and I wasn't neglected. It just wasn't happening to his body, and there was only so far he could be involved.
In fact, with the most recent one, he said, "Tell me what I can do."
And I said, "I think you've done quite enough already."
But what if you were actually alone? Really and truly alone? It is overwhelming enough feeling psychologically alone and knowing you're supported emotionally and financially.
What if you had none of those supports?
As a woman, you are living pregnancy every single minute of every single day. Sometimes you feel terrible. Hormones make you a crazy person. You might be exhausted. Nauseated and vomiting in the bushes on the way to work or in your trash can at work. Any and all of these things at once.
They're totally out of your control.
When I filled my prescription for the little pills that would start the miscarriage process, I started thinking about what women have done and will continue to do if they do not have access to safe abortion.
It conjured up images of home abortions. The wire coat hanger is an enduring and powerful symbol for that. But woman who do not have access to clean and safe abortions have done and will continue to find means to terminate an unwanted pregnancy.
I mean, honestly. Can you actually imagine how desperate you must be in order to stick a piece of wire into yourself, hoping to thread it through your cervix, and also hoping not to rip your uterus or damage anything else inside.
Imagine getting your best friend to do this for you, because you are too terrified to tell anyone else.
I'm going to tell you now that I have friends I trust with my life, but hell if I'd trust them to try to find my cervix and poke anything into it.
I mean, really.
I am not a political person. But this is where I get fired up.