What about you, India?

There are nights that I pour myself a big glass of wine with dinner.

I sip it with my fish sticks/mac and cheese/pasta with butter no sauce! and NOT touching the broccoli. Now, I know that you drink white with fish, but I like red, and really, what doesn't go with fish sticks? 

So if it is one of those glass of wine nights, it accompanies me upstairs to the bath.

In full glamor mode, I sip that wine while sitting on the bathmat next to my kids while they splash around in the tub. Sometimes I sit on the closed toilet seat. This helps me pretend I'm at an outdoor cafe in Paris. The noise from the savages in the bath? Tourists on the Champs-Élysées.

One night a while ago they kept taking big mouthfuls of water and squirting them at each other. I was all, "You guys, the water's all soapy! It's bad for your tummy. Please! Stop!"

Not deterred. Then I had an epiphany.

"India! Jordan! That water is full of butt germs! You're putting all that super yucky butt germ water in your mouths!"

This only served to make it ALL THE MORE AWESOME. "Want some butt germ water, India?" Squirt!

I hesitated to share this, because maybe you will judge my parenting.

Just to be clear: she's drinking butt-germ bathwater, not wine.