Scary monsters and super creeps

My brother and I were raised immersed in the religions of the cultures we lived in--Buddhism, Hinduism, Jainism, Islam. We never attended church services, but grew up visiting temples and mosques and churches as cultural outings rather than religious ones.

Then, when I was 14, my parents got worried that eventually my brother and I would freak out about our lack of religious upbringing and run off and join the Moonies. So they started hauling us to Mass. But, for me anyway, it was too late for the ritual to appeal.

Despite my parents' fears, I've never sought out a cult, and as far as I know, my brother hasn't either.

Nick and I haven't raised our kids with any religion, although I'm starting to think we should at least offer them some religious education.

I can't remember if I told you that last year my daughter came home one day and said, "Mama, do you know who Jeez is?"

Right.

Now, Jordan knows a lot of bad words, but he also knows that kids shouldn't say them. And when I run my mouth when I'm driving, he will say things like, "Mama, maybe instead of using the asshole word, you could say he's a jerk."

I always thank him and say he's right.

And yesterday the kids were watching teens and adults play basketball at the park. Jordan later told me that he heard some very bad words. I said I expected that was true, and I trust him to know not to use them.

So recently at dinner Jordan said, "Mama, is 'hell' a bad word?"

Nick had bought Jordan a King Kong comic book. And apparently someone in it says, "Holy hell!"

I said it depends on how you use it. I went on to explain that Christians think hell is a place where bad people go after they die.

Fortunately, they didn't delve into this, because I don't have much more to say. The bulk of my knowledge of hell comes from Dante's Inferno.

Anyway, back to the hell at hand.

I said, "Talking about hell as a place is fine. But if you say something like, 'Oh, hell!' then it's a bad word."

"What if I said 'Holy hell' because a 50-foot-tall King Kong was chasing me?"

"Sweetheart, if any giant beast is chasing you, you go ahead and say whatever you want."