I know it's hormonal, and it will pass. Probably next week I'll feel like myself again. But what I would like to be able to do, right now, today, is reduce my body to parts, and set some aside.
See, normally my breasts are small and friendly and really not much of a bother to anyone. They don't move a whole lot; they don't do anything crazy. I can mash them in a sports bra and go for a run and it's no problem. I stick them in a normal bra and walk to work and it's all fine.
Most importantly: they are never in my way and I don't have to think about them. I can wear low shirts without worrying about being provocative. I can wear tops with a really low back without hesitation or complication. I wear things tight and don't ever fret that tops are too tight.
Except this week. This week the two of them are totally contentious. And they're everywhere I go.
A couple days ago I was walking to work and they grumped, "Grr. We hate this bra. Hate. It. You need to put on a different one. Right. Now!"
"There's nothing to be done about it. We're halfway to work."
"Owie owie ow! Look at us! We don't like this! No! We're disgruntled and we're going to remind you of it every time you move! Ow! We hate you!"
So I said, "C'mon, be reasonable. You're being really annoying."
To which they responded, "Huh, well, you ate too much sugar this month. And caffeine? Not so helpful either. So anyway, that shirt you're wearing? Ha ha ha! We might just leap out of it later if we feel like it! We're crazy and unpredictable! Suck it up, buttercup! There's nothing you can do about us but wait!"
And I thought, oh, you fuckers, you are so pissing me off. And I'm a hater this week anyway.
So once I got to work I stuck them in a sports bra for the day. Thank goodness Jenny didn't need to borrow it.
I'd like to take them both off, set them on the dresser, and then pick them up and put them back on sometime next week. We'd be happier all around. Or anyway, I would. They're probably enjoying the attention.