When what you want to say is "Talk to your own friend!"

I feel like a lot of the time, guys in bars act as if you're obligated to talk to them. You're out in a bar, after all. You must be interested in talking to a guy.

Right?

Ugh.

Laura and I caught up at the Saloon the other night. I love that place. There's no standing, so you have to sit. Which means you're always seated, and you never have people shoving against you.

It's great. Unless you're seated next to a troglodyte.

We sat at the bar and had a couple drinks and ate pistachios. She had just come from yoga, and so, while dressed nicely, was post-sweaty and gross. And I'd just come from the hair salon, so had a bunch of product in my hair and was all trying to figure out what was up with it.

We all have our issues, you know?

Anyway, we were sitting there, chatting, enjoying our pistachios, giggling, and just generally keeping each other highly entertained.

There had been two Persian guys sitting next to us, one of whom was talking to Laura before I arrived, and so we'd wished them happy new year as they left, and then had turned back to our conversation, paying no attention to who had filled their places.

There was the briefest of pause in conversation when the guy to my left said, "You know, I was going to talk to you, but this is really hilarious."

I turned and said, "Excuse me?"

"Well, you know, we're sitting here, and you two are having this very intense conversation, so I'm waiting for a break. And then, just as you stop talking, I look at your hand, and whoa! You've got a ring! And so just as I'm going to say something funny to get your attention, that's when I realize that it's pointless."

"Yeah."

The thing is, if you're funny, Laura and I will chat with you. Even if you're the biggest farter in the bar. We like to be amused.

But when we go out, it's to catch up. So while we will engage in random conversation, it's not the reason we go out. And if you're not funny, and insist on talking, at some point, well, honestly.

So. There was a little more talk about the ring. I was engaged? Yes. Was this real? Yes. Blah blah blah.

I tried to turn back to my conversation with Laura, but he was persistent. At this point I think it was really about having our attention, and not about hitting on us.

"Wow. Now I get the reason guys want you to wear a ring. It's all 'she's taken!'"

"Yes, that's exactly what it's about. Kind of like peeing on your leg to mark territory."

He looked uncomfortable. "Well, I wouldn't say it's like that."

"No, it's like that. I think it's just like that. Although of course I'd rather have a ring than have someone pee on my leg."

You'd think this would have deterred him, since he wasn't sharp enough to just run with it. But no.

At some point his friend reached over for a napkin, as he'd spilled some water on his sleeve.

Laura pointed and said, "I think your friend needs some help with his sleeve."

"You think we're gay!"

What do you say to this? "No, I think you're juvenile and incredibly irritating? Talk to your friend - he's just sitting there cringing over your behavior?"

We said nothing.

He then asked if we worked in some senator's office. It was seriously like having a bratty kid saying whatever possible, just to get you to respond.

Neither of us are rude, but we turned back to our own conversation. What do you say? Stop talking to me?

Because why waste your time with people you don't want to talk to, when you see your friends so rarely?