The kinds of things best discussed delicately. And out loud. It turns out. Uh, hypothetically.

Have you ever had an entire conversation in your head and then later emphatically remembered it as something that actually happened?

Like, in your mind the conclusion you came to was decided between you and another person? Rather than something discussed all in your brain and agreed upon by you and...you?

Me neither.

But if I did do that sort of thing, it might be as follows:

(And aren't hypotheticals fun?)

Just to set the scene: You know Nick and I had this baby two months ago. Our second child. Our last child. We really wanted two; we have two. We are old, we are tired, and by the time they are both in college it's going to cost a million dollars a year. Approximately.

So I invite you picture us sitting in the living room of an evening, about a month after the birth. I'd still be sitting in the big red command center chair where I'd been nursing all day. I'd be reclining limply, clinging firmly to a glass of freshly-poured wine.

Nick would have one as well, or maybe a beer. We'd both be exhausted, and unwinding a bit before heading up to sleep.

Being a person who needs more sleep than your normal human, the lack of sleep would be taking a huge toll on me. I'd be thinking about how insane we were for having had another kid. And much as we love them both, how we would not - absolutely not - be having another.

And since we'd already decided what we were going to do, it wouldn't seem out of place to turn to my husband and say, "So, when do you think you're going to get snipped?"

Which would elicit the following response from Husband: Blank look. "Snipped?"

"You know. Snipped." (Duh.) For clarification, although why clarification might be necessary would be beyond me, this would be said with a pointed look at his fly and a raised hand, two fingers making a snip-snip motion, such as a scissors might.

In case you're wondering, I would venture to offer that whether you've had a prior conversation or not, a scissor snip-snip motion is perhaps never the right thing to do when having a chat with a man about his manly bits.

Also, if you've never in real, out-loud life had the prior conversation in which more than one of you - the one without the manly bits - decided that snipping would be the next logical step, you might meet with some, ah, resistance.

And furtherly also, one might be best off not to refer to it as snipping.

Is how I imagine it, I mean.