Wednesday, February 27, 2013

And I'd be all, "You should know we run a clean dungeon around here..."

What do you imagine you would do if you left your current job?

It used to be that whenever I’d get sick of my office job, I’d think, well, you know, I could always turn to foot prostitution.

Since writing that long-ago post, however, I’ve been informed by a variety of foot fetishists that in fact, I could not. I don’t  have the feet for it.


Which, you know, is kind of like being told that I’d be a bad lesbian. I want to be all, I would so be good at it! But, I’m trying to work more within my limitations. Plus my husband is completely opposed to the idea.

So the other night we were talking about what I might actually do if I weren’t in my current job. I was trying to come up with business ideas. One possibility for me would, of course, be freelance writing and editing. Which Nick suggested.

“What about something totally different?” I asked.

Because, you know, I spend my days writing and editing. And while I like it, I kind of feel like if I’m not writing my own stuff, why would I leave a good job to do the same thing, but without colleagues or benefits? If I do something else, I want to do something completely else.

“Which would be…what?”

(Nick, it must be said, gets a little tired of my existential crises.)

“Maybe I could be a dominatrix! It's not about sex.”

“Huh.” It was one of those, fuck, not this kind of random mental masturbation conversations again huhs.

“Listen! We could stop renting out our basement, and turn it into a dungeon! We could have different theme rooms!”

Nick just looked at me, poured himself more wine, saying nothing.

"Yes! I could be all, 'And here's the laundry room, where we'll be spending our next hour...'"

This intrigued him. "And then you'd make him iron naked!"

"While I stepped on his feet in spiky heels!"

"And then you could start a laundry service..."

Pretty much.


  1. I simply love this post. I can visualize Nick pouring more wine in silence and your face all lit up, imagining the laundry room.

    Aside from photographer, I'd love to own a Bed and Breakfast (I love to host! I like the idea of a job where your job is to make people happy, chat with them, send them on an adventure).

    Never thought of an S&M B&B. I don't think I could pull that off. I haven't even read 50 Shades of Gray.

    1. Thank you, Heather!

      You know, I could totally picture you running a B&B. You would make things so beautiful and inviting - people would love staying there!

      I haven't ready 50 Shades either. And I can't actually imagine being a dominatrix. Although I would love to have someone do my ironing!

  2. That is hilarious.

    Once I suggested to Nathan that I be a surrogate mother because a) you get paid a lot b) it's a nice thing to do for someone and c) the first baby I pushed out of my vag didn't hurt very much.

    He said absolutely not.

    1. It's an incredibly nice thing to do for someone. Me, I would pay someone a lot to be a surrogate, but I would never, ever do it myself. I could see you doing so, though - as you did have quite a smooth pregnancy and your labor sounded idea. And in fact, (and I know this sounds weird) I would totally trust you with carrying my baby! You eat so well and you were so careful about everything during pregnancy.

      I bet most partners would not be OK with it.

    2. That should be the new ultimate compliment: "I like you so much I'd trust you to carry my child". Hahhaaa.

      I was only a tiny bit serious about it. Like, maybe if Nathan had been incredibly enthusiastic I would've checked it out and then definitely changed my mind for one reason or another.

  3. My dream job would be a travel writer. Pay me to go places and do stuff and then tell you about it! Perfect.

    Of course, I have a husband and a daughter, so that's pretty much out at this point.

    I could never do the dominatrix thing. I'd be all judgy. "You want to do what? You're disgusting! How did you even come up with that?!?"

  4. Being a travel writer would be awesome. Would be perfect if they would pay for your family to go along, wouldn't it?

    And I couldn't either. But I do like leather and thigh-high boots and studs. Really, when it comes down to it, what I like about the idea is the potential outfits.

  5. Love this post, made me laugh out loud. What a great idea to get the ironing done!


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