Monday, February 11, 2013
Nobody likes getting their penis stuck in their waistband.
I Talk Like a Mom Volume One:
"Oh, honey, I know that was uncomfortable. Nobody likes getting their penis stuck in their waistband."
"Please take your finger out of your bottom. We don't put our fingers in our bottoms."
"We don't need to save the poop until Daddy comes home. Let's just take a picture. He'll be very impressed."
"Wow! That IS the biggest booger ever!"
"Please don't put your tongue down the drain."
"We don't eat wood chips. Why? Because rats walk on them at night."
"The dead crab is gone. You will not get dead crabbed. I promise."
What kinds of things do you find yourself saying?
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OMG, dying with laughter here!
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad to hear it!
DeleteYou'll have to keep him away from wooden blinds when he's older.
ReplyDeleteYou just made me laugh so hard!
Deleteand I thought all I had to warn my son about was zippers....
ReplyDeleteIn response to, 'Mommy! My poop is BLUE!' Me: It's ok, honey. It must have been the Cookie Monster frosting in Jason's birthday cake. Remember how much of that you ate yesterday? Who knew the blue goes all the way through??!! (then me giggling at my own wit..ahem)
ReplyDeleteBrief silence from son.., then, 'Mommy, that wasn't THAT funny. But you rhymed great!'
:-)
I LOVE that he complimented you on your rhyming!
DeleteAnd the blue dye going all the way through is super gross, isn't it? I grew up on loads of terribly dye, but somehow the blue makes me extra twitchy.
Right? Between Kool Aid, jello and very few rules about 'safe' dyes during our childhood..yikes we ingested a lot of weird stuff.
DeleteBut blue is creepy...really. :-)
HAHAhhaaaa, yes that is hilarious, and uncomfortable imagery for someone who doesn't have a boy! Hope you keep adding to this series!
ReplyDeleteThank you! I plan to keep track, as these things are so random and really, these ages and conversations are so fleeting!
DeleteHa! Great!
ReplyDelete'Please don't lick the television'
'That's not what we use toothbrushes for sweetie'
'No, no, no, the tampons do not go up your nose'
'I know it looks fun but the toilet brush is really not a toy'
Oh, Miranda! Hilarious! Particularly tampons up nose! I had forgotten how compelling the toilet brush is. I suppose that will start soon with India. Ugh.
Deleteoh indeed it will! I said to my sister the other day 'Remember when Jo (her son) used to toddle up to the toilet and put his hand in while saying 'no no no no!' She said 'Ummmm, no' And I realised that that must have been Jordan! See how you guys have infiltrated our lives (in a good way!) Also I keep talking about another Lisaism - BLD - hopefully happening soon, as soon as I get the engergy up!
Delete"Please don't kiss the cat's booty"
ReplyDelete"That is not for eating" (said about many, many things)
And as an opposite to that one:
"five second rule!" (If she drops something that actually IS for eating) :)
Kissing the cat's booty has me choking and laughing. So awful and so very funny!
Delete"We do not chew on the carpet!" (And here i thought that only needed to be said to dogs...)
ReplyDeleteYes! It's remarkable how many things pets and kids have in common, actually. Thank you for pointing that out!
Deletefrom a grandmother (nana) perspective..... Abby - 3 years old in a restaurant bathroom. She is sitting on the potty. Abby: I need pwivacy please." Me: "What?" Abby: "Bathwoom pwivacy." Me: "Oh, okay" (turns to the side). Abby: "No nana, you have to go out there." (pointing to the door). Me: no, I'll just stay here and turn away. Abby: "ok." Abby (20 seconds later): I'm all done, will you wipe my butt?" hahahaha I love that age!
ReplyDeleteSo cute!! I love how turning around can mean privacy to them. They don't want you to go very far. Like, Jordan doesn't want the bathroom door closed, but he wants me to go into the kitchen. Talking distance, but out of sight.
DeleteI'm shaking with silent laughter here! This is what I get for reading this during a board meeting. The post and the comments are hilarious. And I know they're true because I've said "Stop licking the curtains, please."
ReplyDelete"Well, good thing it's not a bad STD."
"There's never a good reason to take the whole container of brown sugar to your bedroom."
"So what? I only knew Daddy for two months before I moved in with him."
"Please stop mooning your sister."
"No, I do NOT want to be cropdusted again."
"You know, I can see that condom wrapper peeking out between those ceiling tiles."
"A pipe? At first I thought is was a butt-plug."
Hahahaha! I know you've lived through it all. And I would like the context for the entire container of brown sugar in the bedroom.
Delete