She has problems with drinking milk and being school tardy. She'll loan you her toothbrush. She'll bartend your party.

So our India is now one and one means many things. One of which is milk.

Do any of you have any issues with milk? Because India might, and none of us do, and I'm trying to figure out an approach.

Ah. But here I should mention that if you cannot handle talk of baby puke, you might not want to read further. Because that's my issue of the week. Hopefully we'll be back to hippos and sinkholes and rabies shortly.

Also, for those of you willing to stick with me on this post, I need your wisdom and suggestions.

So the one business.

For starters, we're to banish the bottles. I think we kept Jordan on bottles until he was two, mainly because we like to promote tooth decay. Oh, and also he started talking early and we weren't smart enough to stop the bottles before he was able to say, "bahdu!" He knew what he wanted and how to ask.

So the bottles should go sooner rather than later. I'm in the market for sippy cups.

Also, she can start embracing the whole milk business.

Except.

Except that it maybe makes her throw up. We think. But we're not sure.

See, we spent many hours on Saturday - her first milk day! - driving to New Jersey.  And during that drive, India threw up three times.

She definitely gets carsick, so I can't and didn't blame the milk for the wretched puking episodes.

Also, I should give thanks that we had rented a gigantor car for the trip. Not a Suburban, but something like it. A Yukon, maybe? Anyway, there was plenty of space, so nobody but India had to change. Repeatedly.

Jordan, however, was grossed out. "Daddy! It's gross back here!"

(Which, in Jordanspeak, is actually pronounced GWOTH BACK HEWE. Lisped and emphatic.)

And it was GWOTH. Theriouthly gwoth.

Anyway. We got through it and fortunately had enough changes of clothing and enough baby wipes that she was able to wear something clean to the church and reception and you couldn't even tell that moments prior we'd stripped her in a parking lot, practically holding her with our fingertips.

She's remarkably good natured.

But here's how it's been. We give her whole milk, and then a couple hours later, she throws up big milk curds.

Which makes me think it's the milk. Or anyway, whole milk.

Because she'd had some 2 percent milk earlier in the week, because it's what Jordan was drinking. She had no issue with it. (But she also didn't have large quantities.)

Her pediatrician said yesterday at her one-year checkup that since she's been on milk-based formula, it's unlikely to be milk. She said that only a tiny fraction of the population is actually allergic to milk, and that she's too young to be lactose intolerant.

She said there are a lot of stomach viruses going around, and perhaps that was the issue of the weekend. Her suggestion was to put two ounces of milk in with six ounces of formula, and gradually increase the milk.

This resulted in milk vomit last night.

I don't know if you've ever been vomited on repeatedly, but if you have children, I'd say it ups your odds by approximately 5,000 percent. And if you are like me, you might put on your list of Least Favorite Things.

Besides being gwoth, it's a fucking hatthle.

So the doctor suggested we stick with formula until the weekend, when we have more time to reintroduce milk (and to clean up puke).

I've been reading about allergies vs. intolerances, and I keep running into literature saying what the pediatrician said - that milk allergies are so rare. And it seems to me that the doctor has a point - she's had milk-based formula, and full-fat yogurt and cheese and she has no problem with them.

But then we have the vomiting, which doesn't happen on no-milk days. But then there's this weirdness of India not seeming to have a problem with a couple ounces of 2 percent milk.

Could whole milk just have too much, I don't know, milkness for her little stomach to digest? Should we just ditch the cow milk idea and go with soy milk? Or something else?


Now, on the upside, we discovered Dramamine for the car ride home, and it was fantastic. We turned India's carseat around so she could see forward, we gave both kids a little Dramamine, and they slept (without vomit) most of the way home.

The whole incident left a grand impression on Jordan. It's one of his current topics.

In the same way that you might see someone you know and say, "Hi! How are you?" Jordan will say, "India throwed up! In the car!"

He ended one recent conversation with, "I only throw up in the car after a party."

Which is in fact true. But his small talk needs a little work.