You'd think that after three weeks I might have something important to say.
And honestly, I do have all kinds of things to talk about: leaving my job; struggling as a stay-at-home mom; goodbye happy hour antics; top-to-bottom water damage in our house - wee things like that.
However. You know when you're really stressed you just want to to into your comfort zone?
So let's talk poop. Specifically, how Jordan informed the entire ladies' room in Target about my activities in the bathroom stall.
You see, we were walking through the store drinking our coconut water, discussing the merits of one collapsible storage container over another, when all of a sudden I realized that if I didn't find a toilet right. that. very. minute, things were going to get all kinds of emergency ugly in my pants.
So I stashed our basket at the end of an aisle, ("Mama! Someone will take it!" "Nobody is going to take it!"), grabbed my kid's hand, and started dragging him towards the bathroom.
"Where are we going?"
"I have to find a bathroom!"
"I don't want to go! Someone will take our stuff!"
STARTING TO PANIC, HOPING I HAVE ENOUGH TIME.
"Nobody will take it! Come with me!"
"I don't want to go! I want to stay!"
DRAGGING CHILD, CLENCHING ANAL SPHINCTER, BREAKING INTO COLD SWEAT.
"Come on, honey."
"I don't...."
"COME! NOW!"
Picture me practically running, Jordan horizontal flying through the store, clinging to the end of my hand.
We arrived at the bathroom and the air hand dryer was blowing like a jet plane taking off and Jordan covered his ears, turning to leave, "It's too loud!"
"It's fine! Get in here with me!"
So there we were, face to face in a stall, me hovering in the air because there weren't paper thingies to put on the seat.
I was so very, very thankful to have made it in time. Dear Lord. Thank goodness. When...
"MAMA! YOU'RE POOPING! YOU ARE POOPING! LOOK! YOU'RE HAVING A POO POO!"
I put my finger to my lips, and very quietly said, "Shhhh."
So he downgraded to a whisper really just a degree below shouting. "YOU'RE STILL POOPING! YOU ARE POOPING!"
It feels good to be back.
Haha! I can't wait to hear more about all of the changes in your life!!! SAHM??
ReplyDeleteTia, I have to say that I have considered asking for my job back approximately 739 times in the past almost-two weeks. I know things will get more normal once the newness wears off. Plus we had travel, a house flood, and we now have a houseful of water mitigation people and drying machines. So at the moment I'm kind of WTF?!!
DeleteOh, I'm sure it's an entirely new "normal" that you have to find. You had a routine, even if it was one that made you miss your kids, and now it's all screwed up. I think about being a SAHM sometimes, but then I realize how much I enjoy talking to adults too. I'm tapering down to working 65%, and I think that will be a nice balance.
Deletethat's awesome that you are staying at home! I'm sure your kids will appreciate it so much in the long run!
ReplyDeleteI feel extremely lucky that we've gotten to a point where I'm able to do this, at least for a while. So far, the kids are treating it like a constant party. Mamamamamamamamamama!
DeleteBabies have this thing about making your day better. Or worse. Depends on how you took it. But then you take comfort in poop. This means that it must've been an improvement to the existing condition of the day.
ReplyDeleteIndia is still a challenge. A sweet challenge, but exhausting. Jordan has gotten to a delightful age. We really have fun together most of the time. He's a great conversationalist and lovely companion.
DeleteAAACK! I get it, though. I always used to jokingly say to Jessica if she was acting up "Don't make me beat you!" Well, we were in Target one day when Jess was around 3 and I said it. She then screams at the top of her lungs "No mamma, don't beat me!" I wanted to die.
ReplyDeleteAnd I can't wait to hear about all the changes!
Oh my hell, Cheryl! That is so funny! So terrible and so very funny! Don't beat me!
DeleteSAHM and Blogger still, I hope! Boys are obsessed with poop. My 3 year old still asks where my wiener is all the time!
ReplyDeleteHahaha - where's your wiener? Awesome. Our whole family is obsessed with poop, so I cannot specifically blame Jordan. We really have too much poop talk. And now it's coming back to bite me.
Deletescrew Google Reader for disappearing. I feel like I've missed so much in your little corner of the internet! so...
ReplyDeletewelcome to SAHMing. let all the drama and side-eye soak in.
sucks about the aqua damage, hoping that all gets taken care of for you soon.
and so glad you made it to the bathroom in time! that feeling of "am I really going to shit my pants in Target?" is The Worst.
I just laughed so, so very hard!!
ReplyDelete