I assume this is because I'm an introvert, but maybe it's because I'm me. I don't know if other people are like this as well, but sometimes I am just so not in the mood to hear my husband, light of my life, love of my days, talk.
Sometimes in the evening - and tonight, post-back-to-school-night, was one of them - I just want to sit in the living room in peace. The kids are in bed, Betty has gone up, and I just want to sit here and read blog posts or respond to emails or write or browse the Internet, or hell, I don't know, pick my nose.
Without any talking, without interacting. No music. No extra sounds. I don't want to react. I don't want to generate conversation. I don't want to feign interest. I just want to be in my own little head, in my own little space.
Nick, however, doesn't seem to have this need. He's happy to just talk and talk. We don't see each other enough, and when we do, he wants to chat.
Whereas sometimes I feel like it would be so nice if we could just BE. Not talking. Just being.
It's not that I need to be all alone, although that is lovely on occasion. It's that I don't want to see him. I just don't want to talk to him.
And after a certain number of "Mmm hmm," and "Huh, that's interesting," and "Ah"s, I kind of want to yell, "PLEASE STOP TALKING TO ME JUST STOP STOP STOP TALKING I JUST WANT TO NOT TALK I DON'T FEEL LIKE PAYING ATTENTION TO YOU LET'S PLAY THE QUIET GAME NO MORE TALKING."
But I don't.
Sometimes I get critical. Sometimes I get all argumentative, because I just don't want to engage, and whatever he is saying is irritating, even if yesterday I might've agreed. Because responding is tiresome, and it would be so much more soothing to be silent.
I haven't quite worked out what to do about this.