Ooh, I like this one!

Is your self-esteem connected to your hair?

I think that for a lot of women this is the case.  I don't know about men. They don't seem to fret about hair as much, or anyway, not publicly.

When I was up in Vermont, Maude said something that made me realize that while my self-esteem isn't necessarily connected to my hair, my hair has historically been a mirror for how I felt about myself. And the worse I've felt, the shorter I've had it.

When I was in college, when I had gained 40 pounds freshman year and perhaps needed my hair the most, I chopped it short. And again in grad school, when I was miserable and had gained a bunch of weight, I got a pixie. By the time Maude and I were driving cross-country to San Diego, I basically had a crew cut. It was awful.

I felt ugly inside and I felt just as ugly outside. It would've been easier to have hair, I think, but I wasn't actually aware of what I was doing. I just wanted it off. Off!

And even now, when I generally feel pretty decent about myself, and reasonably attractive on a consistent basis, whenever I feel a big need to shake up something in my life, it tends to be my hair. Today's haircut is the first one that I've given significant advance thought and research to. I knew I wanted a change, but I wanted a deliberate one.

I have dyed it a multitude of colors: apricot (by accident - lesson learned: never listen to a Victoria's Secret salesperson about temporary hair dye); dark brown (very terrible); platinum blonde, both at home (not recommended, as it can skew chick yellow or purple, both of which I've done) and professionally; and highlighted blonde.

Blonde works best with my skin, as it brightens up the pale. Even though I'm not actually blonde anymore, I still have the blonde skin and the blue eyes. I love rich brown hair, particularly with blue eyes, but I don't have the skin for it.

Long hair is sexy - I don't think anyone would argue that - and if I could have luxurious, thick long hair, I would do so. I love seeing women with a rich cascade of hair down their backs. I grew my hair as long as I could handle it, and I think it stopped being attractive a few inches ago.

However. I learned that I love having a pony tail, and surely I'll go back to it.

But I think I feel best with a short, modern sort of cut. What that means, I'm not sure - but it definitely means not a crew cut, and not a chop in desperation, trying to somehow cut off the pieces of me that I hate.

It's so weird that this head covering, the styling of this extra protein that grows out of our scalps, can have such importance. Isn't it?

But it does. And I have to say, this one feels great.