Jordan: Mama, how did Daddy survive and marry you in all that crowd?
Nick: At this point in my life I have handled so many of my children's bodily excretions: vomit, poop, urine, mucus, blood...
Me: You know, I don't prefer the poop, but I can handle all of it except the vomit.
Nick: I know. It really gets you.
Me: I don't even think urine is a big deal. You could pee all over me and I wouldn't care.
Me: It's not an invitation.
Me: Jordan, do you have to pee-pee?
Me: Then why are you holding your penis?
Jordan: I'm not holding it. I'm scratching it.