Wednesday, August 15, 2007

And then your ex-girlfriend marries you off to Hermann Goering

"World domination," I stated authoritatively, "is very difficult to maintain for long periods of time."

This I announced to a group of John Neighbor's friends last night over margaritas at Lauriol Plaza.

They were talking about superpowers, and how the Brits, and then the US, effectively ran the world for a while. And speculating on who will be next. (Incidentally, yesterday was the 60-year anniversary of the partition of India and Pakistan. This article is fascinating.)

Of the group, I only actually know John Neighbor, and not all that well.

"Hi! My name is Lisa! You people have no idea what you're in for! Can I have another margarita? And do they have any butter?"

Yikes.

On a slight, or maybe huge, tangent, the night of my birthday I was looking through old photos before I went to bed, and in the process came across all these lovely cards B had written me the first year we were together. They were amazing. He really, really loved me and had visions of spending eternity with me. Before I hurt him and made him angry and vindictive.

And so I went to bed sad about him, nostalgic about the nice times we had together, and sad about the fact that we have absolutely no contact now. It's my choice, and it's better for me. But still occasionally makes me wistful.

That night I dreamt that he and I were on a bus, of all things. I don't even think he takes buses. And I have no idea where we were going. But we were stuck together in this confined space. And so we started talking.

We talked about us, and how we would never be together again. He said that he still loved me, but just wasn't willing to open things up again. Ever.

And then, he said, he was getting married. He was, in fact, soon to marry a German doctor. He didn't love her the way he loved me, but she was a good choice and he thought it was a very practical relationship.

I was telling Christine about this yesterday. She asked how I felt, and I said I was crushed, crying as in my dream as we talked. He still loved me. Why was he marrying her? Who was this German doctor I'd dreamed up?

And she said, "You know, I don't think she's anyone in particular. I think she's a conglomeration of your ex-boyfriends. You put them all together in this German doctor wife."

And that, holy cow, I know it's a dream, but that's so unkind of me. Because while they haven't all been Dementors, there are some serious gems to contend with.

10 comments:

  1. Sorry, Lis, had to rephrase that one....

    Those gems seem to come together in an amalgamation of one fugly piece of jewelry, don't they? I'm sorry for the sad dream, but the true gem is yet to come.

    On the flip side, the butter comment cracked me up!!

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  2. Almost - I love the "fugly piece of jewelry" comment! And the butter I will never live down as long as I work in this building with my current colleagues.

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  3. That New Yorker article is well written. Thinking about the Partition makes me angry and sad. So many of my people have died over the years because a handful of people were too damn arrogant (the Brits, the Congress Party, Muslim League), and because others weren't willing to use their prestige more forcefully (Gandhi)... and so many other mistakes. It just makes me really angry.

    What might have been... :-\

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  4. Dreams can be so insightful, once you sort out all the confusion.

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  5. I'm a sloooow reader, but (finally) agree the article in the New Yorker is interesting.

    There's so much I don't know about both my dream world and the real one.

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  6. Hmm. I actually had a somewhat similar M experience this week.I dreamt that he and I were at his house talking about where we went wrong.And then suddenly it turns out he had 3 kids, that he had hid all through our 2.36 year relationship. And funny enough, they were all Japanese. Hmm. What does this mean about my need for closure? Or my feelings towards towards the Japanese? That I think they are all bastards? Or that I find them to be secretive, or something? I really have no idea, but I woke up, crying and as you know, that is never good. ;)

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  7. PS. Dreams are screwed up. Like really screwed up.

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  8. I guess we all have that one we dream about but in the clarity of day there's reasons they aren't there
    Still I'd rather have the fond feelings of love and loss over the feelings of "That stupid person scr**ed me over"
    But I like monkeys too so what od I know?

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  9. VVK - It is well written. Partition makes me angry and sad as well. So many problems, so much anger and hatred, so many deaths.

    MM - I agree. Hard to sort through, though.

    HKW - It was good, wasn't it? That was nicely put - there's so much I don't know about either as well.

    SL - Yucky dream! Dreams are apparently they're not ever really about what you think they are, particularly the out of nowhere emotional ones. They can really knock you sideways, though, can't they?

    Pidomon - I agree - better love and loss than betrayal. And yes, the clarity of day reveals a lot.

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  10. I'm not even reading this post because the title is so fucking GOOD.

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