Friday, March 14, 2008

I think it's time to pass on the cow hooves

I think it's time to pass this on to a single woman. You want it? It's yours.

I cut it out of a magazine a number of years ago, and it's been on my fridge ever since.

It made me laugh, and for so long I could identify very strongly with it, actually. In my 20s I knew people my age or younger who would begin relationships with the expectation that they would be forever. I thought there was something weird about them.

Me, I would begin relationships with the expectation that they would end.

Because of course there's nothing weird about that.

For the longest time I was all, "Don't get attached to me, I might be moving on. This is nice for now. and I love you now. But don't get attached. Because I'll probably leave you. Not because of you. Just because, well, you never know."

How much did it suck to get attached to me? Immensely. I have huge regrets about a couple guys I really, really hurt.

And, shockingly enough, you can't hurt someone and then all of a sudden after a while be like, "Yeah, I meant it before when I didn't want to commit and would rather bob for cow hooves in live maggots and swim in shark-infested water, but now, as a person, I'm ready. I've changed."

I mean, you can try it.

But you might have more luck navigating shark infested waters.

I could talk about time and place and who I was then and who I am now - because all of those things figure in.

And I believe people hit the readiness to commit point at very different times. Sometimes you meet someone amazing and everything about them is perfect, except they're just not in the right place. And until they are, it doesn't matter how incredible you are.

Because it's not about you.

For me, it took getting to a point where I was really good with myself. I simply couldn't appreciate another person enough to have a very loving, healthy relationship before I got to that point with me.

So I was terrified of committing. I was more used to change than constancy. Motion was comfortable. Change was the solution to everything. Even if change kept me frenzied and off-kilter, well, sure those states were uncomfortable. But familiar - oh so familiar.

As a result, I have had a ton of jobs, a plethora of boyfriends, and lived in myriad places.

Committing to someone for ever and ever - which, except for kids, is the biggest commitment imaginable - made me twitch so hard.

I don't know how many cow hooves I'd have agreed to swim with, but for many years, it would have been a lot.

10 comments:

  1. Ever read something and feel the author is speaking directly to you?

    I'm kind of having that feeling right now.

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  2. You have summed up the place that I'm in better than I ever thought possible.

    Wow.

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  3. hmmm...

    I read that, and I thought, "Can really fit a cow hoof in your mouth?"

    Can you?

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  4. I bet she could.


    $5 bucks to you lis if you try.

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  5. Hey Kerrie - I'm flattered. Big hug to you, my friend.

    Nicole - Wow.

    VVK - You know I've thought about this...I was more picturing that you'd grip the top part, where the hoof used to be connected to the leg, in your mouth.

    Slightly Disorganized - Not a chance. But thanks for the voted of confidence! :)

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  6. Yeah its good to get to the place where you would rather have a hoove in your mouth than waste time with a douchebag, very good ot get to that place. I hope I get pickier soon.

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  7. Yeah its good to get to the place where you would rather have a hoove in your mouth than waste time with a douchebag, very good ot get to that place. I hope I get pickier soon.

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  8. I think my question would have been, "How cold are the shark infested waters?" because if my teeth start chattering and the hooves fall out, I have to go back and start all over again. There are only so many times I am willing to swim through shark infested waters before I finally give in and commit (I think it would be a pretty high number of times though).

    I'm very much in that place at the moment, I just don't have the ability to explain it as clearly you just did.

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  9. We touched elephant hooves at the Academy of Natural Sciences this weekend, and I thought of you!

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  10. Lisa, a little late here. But after I read this paragraph:

    And I believe people hit the readiness to commit point at very different times. Sometimes you meet someone amazing and everything about them is perfect, except they're just not in the right place. And until they are, it doesn't matter how incredible you are.

    I thought to myself...you're a mind reader.

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