How to make me feel extremely stupid in three to seven floors

There was that guy that I went on a few dates with several years ago. And then bumped into in my office building.

The other day we were in the elevator together. This has happened a number of times. And each time, I feel like there's this deliberate not looking.

So I decided to just say something. So in the future we could say hello as polite acquaintances.

This time, it was just the two of us. We stood in the lobby silently, got in the elevator at the same time, moved to opposite walls, and he became very intent on his BlackBerry.

So I said, "Hey! I think we know each other!"

And he looked me up and down. Slowly, deliberately, assessingly.

With his mouth he said - although sneered really was closer to the truth, "Really? And how would we know each other?"

But with his face and eyes he said, "I assure you there's no way I know anyone who would wear a pink hat and coat together. And are you actually tromping around in clogs?"

Because he is always dressed in the kind of carefully, seemingly casually put together European-y way that you know is labor intensive. My ass his hair doesn't take more time than mine in the morning.

Not that it wouldn't behoove me to spend more time on my hair. Also, on another topic, he probably doesn't use the word tromp.

But anyway.

His response caught me so off guard. I never know what to do with what seems like deliberate dickishness.

I considered saying, "Well. Once you bought me drinks. And once you took me out for dinner. And once you kissed me - very awkwardly, I might add. And we never went out again."

But I didn't. Because then it occurred to me that maybe he doesn't remember. That would make things even more awkward.

And maybe he thought I was hitting on him! And not only that, but clearly he thought I wasn't attractive enough to even chat with in the elevator!

This sequence of thoughts made me all flustered.

And so I said, "We, um, we used to bump into each other in the neighborhood."

Same casual, dubious voice. "And what neighborhood would that be?"

So I told him where I lived, and he confirmed it was right around the corner from him.

Which I knew. Meany butt wiener face.

By then I'd: 1. recovered enough to say, "I thought you looked familiar." and 2. to realize my floor was fast approaching.

This was a dumb thing to do, but at my floor I pushed back my hair with my sparkly ring hand and said, "But then I got married and moved to Virginia! Bye!"

Dread.Ful.

And the next time we're in the elevator together? I've never seen him in my entire life.