Oh, owie

Sorry, guys. My back hurts and it scares me. I'm feeling very sorry for myself today.

My back has been hurting for weeks, but small, tight hurts in specific spots. And everything you read is all, "You're carrying an entire human on your front. Your back is going to hurt."

In an attempt to mitigate it, I've been exercising and stretching regularly. I have strong abs. Plus, I'm working with a trainer once a week - in the gym with the pretty red button - and I've been doing exercises to strengthen lower back.

So for the most part, it hasn't been terrible. And, quite honestly, I'm not sure what else to do.

If you know any great back stretches or exercises or have any suggestions, I'd love to hear them.

Because what I want to do, which is wash down a whole bunch of Advil and maybe a smidge of Valium with a bottle of wine, is so far from anything I actually can do at the moment.

As if that would ever be a prudent solution to anything in the first place.

But back on topic. Last night, my back, it huuuuuurt. And so I stuck a pillow behind me. But then I wanted a pillow in front of me for my belly. And then I had to readjust them every time I turned. Which was a lot.

Tejal gave me her Snoogle, but I haven't quite figured out how to use it.

So I staggered out of bed tired, unrested, feeling kind of pitiful.

And then, bending forward to wash my face, my lower back spasmed - the kind of pain that makes you yelp, knocks the wind out of you, and brings tears to your eyes. The sharp, hurty hurt of something bad.

I don't know if you've ever hurt your back, but it's like no pain I've ever experienced. I pulled a muscle in my back a couple years ago.

Your back turns out to be connected to your everything.

I did it doing nothing unusual, and by that evening, could barely move, despite obscene amounts of Advil. By the middle of the night, I was nearly incapacitated

At some point I had to pee desperately. So I slid as gently and low-motionly as possible to the floor, and crawled into the bathroom. I was able to hoist myself up on the edge of the tub. I figured, I'd get myself up there, and then just shift to the toilet, which was right next to it.

Shift? Ha. I peed in the tub.

It was all I could do. I considered sleeping on the floor, but eventually hoisted myself into bed. The next morning, I called a doctor - sobbing. I was pretty sure I'd never get underwear and pants on in order to leave the house, but after about half an hour of effort, I did.

I spent the next couple days in bed, on Vicodin and some really strong muscle relaxer.

I wouldn't do it recreationally, but you can pretty much entertain yourself for hours doing absolutely nothing on meds like that. Seriously. Things like wrinkles in sheets can be fascinating when your reality is all Alice.

All this to say, this morning scared the shit out of me. It's the exact same place on my back, just not as bad. But what if it gets worse?

I have a doctor's appointment set up for tomorrow.

I'm not a pain person. It can't happen to me again right now. I can't deal with that kind of pain without insane medication. I just can't.