Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Travels with toddler

Being somewhere new is exciting. Traveling, however, it is stressful.

It shortens tempers and lengthens waiting times and just all around brings out the worst in people. It makes you ill-tempered and impatient and snappy. Or perhaps this is just me.

When you check in for the plane to Martha's Vineyard they weigh all of your bags and write the weights on tags on them. And then they ask you your weight. So they can organize the plane.

Nick gave a weight that I found improbably low, and I was all, "If you're lying and you fucking crash the plane and we all die just because you like to eat bacon and drink beer but don't want to own up to it, I'm going to fucking kill you."

See above ill tempered impatient snappy reference.

Jordan was actually great on the planes and in the airports. With the exception of the itty bitty 9-passenger plane in which Nick and I were separated and I had to give them ALL my luggage including my entire bag of tricks so they could stick them in the nose and the wing.

Seriously. They stick bags in the wing. It was that small.

Let me tell you, Go Dog Go lasted through one reading. The safety brochure - "Look! Airplanes! And here's how you buckle your seatbelt!" bought me another five minutes. And then the rest of the flight was spent trying to keep him from launching himself at the door with the enticing red handle. The prevention of which caused Very Much Screaming.

The good news was, those propellers were fucking loud. They half muffled his shrieks, so not everyone in the plane hated us.

But otherwise, very sweet and happy. Just so busy. Very very busy with the busy business of busy. He was fine with the leash, for the most part. And in fact, sometimes he just stuck next to us and held the leash in his own hand and chewed pensively on the end of it.

Which of course is so disgusting after it's been trailing on the airport floor and you know has totally been contaminated with plague and trench mouth and such.

His immune system rocks, I'll tell you.

Here's a picture of Jordan in the very friendly bar that had the beer. He's playing with his two favorite condimnents: SATUPAPA!
Which is all well and good and then you just tip extra for the large black and white satupapa pile you leave in the middle of the table.

On the whole, the trip was great, and Jordan handled it all really well. But you know, I've traveled a lot. I've traveled with good friends and complete strangers. I've had some difficulties and even some huge fights.

What I'd never had, till last weekend, was a trip with someone who so cheerfully and without malice worked against me the entire time.

It's broadening, I'm sure.


  1. SATUPAPA!! Hahaha! Glad you made it home safe. :)

  2. on behalf of servers everywhere, thank you for the extra-large tip..

    and if you could please pass that on, we'd appreciate it.

    *also, if you could put in a few words for giving us the head's up when your child puts the SATUPAPA!! or the contents of the sugar caddy in his or her mouth so that we can wash and/or replace them, that would be awesome, too.

  3. So very very funny with the funny funniness of funny!!!!

    Pardon the borrowing

  4. Hey! You all lived! I am happy to see that. It was touch and go for me for a little while when you didn't post before this.

    I worried. Really I did.

  5. Welcome home! I'm glad Pooh worked out in the end. That little plane sounds terrifying and "cheerfully and without malice worked against me" is one of the best lines I've read in a long time.

  6. Ohhh yes, Alaska ABOUNDS with tiny aircraft and for the longest time I was all, "Does 25 lbs. REALLY make that much difference? And do I want to be on this plane if it does?" Then the Aaliyah thing happened and made me SO much more paranoid. So I totally get the "man up and admit your weight" feeling.

  7. Laura - I'm going to be very sad when he stops saying satupapa! I love it.

    aimeec - We are good tippers and I think every server we've had with J has been so nice. An in any case, and then when you add a kid on top, it's only fair. I will certainly bear in mind telling the server about the condiments in the mouth...this happens far more often than I realized.

    JRF - Thank you! Borrowing is flattering.

    Moue - That is very sweet. We were just so busy with the business of busy. And I was tired.

    Keenie Beanie - :) Thanks!

    J - Those are frightening little planes. Whoever heard of stowing luggage in the wings?

  8. FTW - Nick gave a weight that I found improbably low, and I was all, "If you're lying and you fucking crash the plane and we all die just because you like to eat bacon and drink beer but don't want to own up to it, I'm going to fucking kill you."

    It was probably what he weighed the last time he weighed himself... two years ago.


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