Tuesday, May 24, 2011

While a picture of them on would be more illustrative, I trust you'll understand

OK, so these are my prosthetic camel toe workout pants.

I don't know if you can see the weird pucker in the crotchal area. They just look a bit lumpy in the picture. But when they're on, I swear they poke down in the middle like two little lips. This has not improved with use or washing.

Nonetheless, I refuse to get rid of them, because they're actually really comfy workout pants. And also, I paid a whole $10 at Gap Outlet.

The minus is that every time I wear them I'm hideously self-conscious because, these pants are not even tight or thin, so I'd really have to have some industrial-strength labia to poke through them. Although maybe in some cultures...

So I thought, maybe it's the double layer of fabric in the middle that makes them pooch out. Maybe if I cut out the inside, then they won't poke down anymore.
Not so much. And now they're even worse inside out.

Which is not how I wear them. How I wear them is with a longish shirt and a "You'd BETTER be looking me in the EYE or maybe the BOOBS" kind of look on my face.

8 comments:

  1. Can't stop giggling at the thought of "industrial strength labia"....

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  2. I love how effortlessly you shifted day-to-day from child leash to camel toe workout pants :)

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  3. There IS something mildly disturbing about the picture of the inside of those pants. When you figure someone ogling your boobs is an improvement, that's one dire piece of workout wear!

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  4. HERE is your solution :)

    http://www.cuchini.com/

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  5. Hilarious. You could start a whole new fetish subclass with the industrial strength labia.

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  6. And now I must remind you of the song "Cameltoe" by Fannypack 'cause it's so funny and perfectly apropos.

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  7. OMG. Those pants are disturbing. Seriously, you need to wear shorts over those or suck it up and toss them!

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  8. tamater sammich5/25/2011 10:29 PM

    Oh man, somehow I almost missed this post, which would have been a small tragedy. Because there's a business idea here. Labial wash, labial firming creme, for both day and a night creem. In both regular and industrial strength.

    BTW - where'd ya get those pants?

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