So you know I did the IVF.
For me that entailed a bunch of shots and having my blood taken 85 million times and then having my eggs sucked out and then having a couple of them put back in. When they suck out your eggs, they give you an IV with some very nice drugs, I have to say.
When they stick them back in, they're so itty bitty that the doctor has to take his syringe thingy into the lab and have them look in a microscope and tell him whether he got them out or not. So he did, and they determined that they were, in fact, set up in their new home, and they drew a little line on the sonogram screen to show where they were, and sent me on my way.
They were always all, "Good job!" Which of course is exactly the kind of thing you want to hear, even though really, you have absolutely no control over what's going on.
Anyway.
Nick's piece of the process entailed giving me a bunch of shots, being incredibly supportive of me ALL THE TIME GODDAMMIT and then leaving his, uh, contribution on the day of the egg-suck-out-ing.
He said they really need to improve their customer service towards men. They make you feel cheap and dirty. You walk in and they don't really meet your eyes and they hand you a cup and they're all "There's the bathroom."
He said he really wanted to ask them if he could leave the door open, and if they'd mind watching.
Me, I see no reason to joke in these circumstances. If you get a humorless nurse who thinks you're an icky icky creep, I'm the one who is going to have to see her multiple times a week. And even if you don't. For God's sake, man.
So then, without saying anything idiotic to the nurses, cup in hand, you head into the bathroom. He said there's a variety of porn to appeal to a variety of taste. The one he mentioned as example was called Whorientals.
Seriously.
I didn't ask for details, because I just don't want to know.
Also. Whorientals? Who picks these?
What he needed to do is say, "This is for who again? OK, just checking." That'd thrown them off their game.
ReplyDeleteThat is horrifying.
ReplyDelete... and I kind of love it. In a horrified manner of course.
HAHAAAA seriously??! This is so funny I'm sending the link to Nathan...
ReplyDeleteNo matter how I respond to this one it doesn't come out sounding anything but naughty. I'm roaring with laughter though.
ReplyDeleteHahaha Nick slays me! And FoggyDew, you are funny too, haha :)
ReplyDeleteBut really, not only would it be you dealing with her most of the time, but also: she's, er, handling the, um, goods... and it would be better if she were inclined to handle them with care, yes? Not that I'm saying she'd be less than professional, but maybe better to stay on her good side.
-Laura (A.S)
Seems like the drugs are applied at the appropriate step in the IVF process. I mean, it wouldn't be fair if the guy gets the porn and the drugs.
ReplyDeletei'm lol-ing (l-ing-ol?). i am of the ilk that i still USE the term "orientals", for shock value, of course. so this may have just made itself into my repertoire!!!! (tell me if that's spelled correctly; you've been all over the world, i've never been further west than pittsburgh...)
ReplyDeleteI wheeze-laughed out loud at the Whorientals bit. That's about as much of a compliment as I can give. Oh Lord, that's funny.
ReplyDeleteFoggyDew - Oh, that made me laugh.
ReplyDeleteHillary - My response is the same as yours.
frugalveganmom - I was pretty amused with the whole thing. Except for making comments to the nurses. Not amusing.
Lynn - I'm so glad! It's all kind of naughty in such a weird way.
Laura - I'm nice to people as a matter of course, but definitely thought about the fact that these people are handling the most precious stuff we've got. Be polite! Don't horrify any of them!
HK - This made me giggle. No, that wouldn't be fair at all.
Coleen - I have been all over the world but my geography sucks and I am hugely reliant on spell-check. But I believe it to be spelled correctly. :)
freckledk - Thank you, sweet. :) I know, so strange and so funny.