Tuesday, November 29, 2011

I've got a fieber and the only prescription is more, uh, cowBieber?

I don't know if I'd be as horrified about my attraction to Justin Bieber's nail polish if I didn't get hung up on grammar.

Although I probably would. Wouldn't I?

Also, I know my hand looks kind of deformed and clenchy, but it's kind of hard to take a normal looking photo of your own hand while trying to show your nails. You try it. I'm not kidding.

So I was in Target all by myself and just that fact alone felt like magic and then I didn't have time pressure and so I headed over to the nail polish section. And driven by my love of all things shiny and sparkly, I immediately noticed this clear nail polish with large silver sparkles. Exactly what I neeeeeeed.

Upon inspection, it was Justin Bieber for OPI. His One Less Lonely Girl collection.

Did you know about this? I didn't. Which was OK with me, really.

One Less Lonely Girl. Naturally, I was all: It really should be "One Fewer Lonely Girl." Girls, as we all know, are nouns you can count. In which case, fewer is appropriate. Not less. Unless, of course, she's just less lonely when she's with you. But still lonely. In which case, you're still an idiot.

An idiot whose nail polish I really like.

The specific name of the concoction I chose is Make U Smile. From the Justin Bieber One Less Lonely Girl collection.

Puke.

But...it was so...full of prettyshinysparkly! I put it in my basket. I carried it around the store. I liked it, and yet, it was so stupid.

I texted a friend. He said to walk away. I walked away...

And when I returned, it was gone. There was only one bottle to start with.

I thought about it for a whole week. Yes. Because I have nothing better to think about like my family, my job, pregnancy, nutrition, etc. I mean, intermittently. Not solidly.

But still. I spent a week of my life, time I will never get back, thinking about Justin Fucking Bieber and his glittery nail polish.

And then, when I dashed into Target to get snacks for the ride home from Thanksgiving, I minced by the nail polish aisle. And there it was! One of two bottles!

Made Me Smile!

My nails, they are less lonely now.

12 comments:

  1. U Make ME smile, LG. I totally want to go shopping with you at Target.

    I think Bieber should leave the nail polish collections to Taylor Swift or Selena Gomez. A rose by any other name though....your nails are sparkly and fun :)

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  2. Oooo, sparkles! Love the sparkles! The Bieber? Not so much.

    It's fun to know there's someone else out there who obsesses, er, enjoys some of life's finer and simpler pleasures.

    I mean how can you not smile looking at your pretty fingertips?

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  3. You make me want to go home and paint my nails after work, but I know H will want hers done also. What 2 year old brings several bottles of nail polish to you and begs for her nails to be painted pretty?

    Also, I think if you hold the polish bottle in your hand showIng off both your nails & the bottle, your fingers are less clenchy looking.

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  4. This was a laugh out loud post. Especially the part, "she's still lonley, just less lonely when she's with you. But still lonely. In which case, you're still an idiot." hahaha! Wow, and the name is so obnoxious - the One Less Lonely Girl line? Makes me want to box that little bastard's ears. Glad the polish made you smile!

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  5. Hey if Mama aint happy, aint nobody happy (sorry about the aints) Do what ever it takes. Even if means more digeraBieberdoos!

    My spell check just imploded.

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  6. Score!! And haha, are you sure your nails aren't a little FEWER lonely?

    I never bothered paying attention to the distinction between less and fewer until I met Moses and he corrected me every single time I did it wrong. Ha!

    -Laura (A.S.)

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  7. haha grammar and bieber! god love you!!

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  8. Oh my god! That whole scenario is so ME! And maybe an outstretched hand photo instead of the clenchy fingers?

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  9. Also, why not spend the three bucks on something pretty, even if it's silly?

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  10. LOVE. I'll be buying that soon. my issue with sparkly nail polish is that usually the sparklies are so small that there is no point! Those are BIG. One for me, and one for my daughter's Xmas stocking. And I agree with J. if it's cheap and it makes you happy, why not?

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  11. HK - Hugs 2 U! (Oh, I hate text abbreviations!) Yes! Let's go Target shopping together one day! :)

    Stevie - The simple little pleasures go a long way, don't they? The sparkles totally make me smile!

    Jenn - Jordan has just started noticing when my nails are a different color. Your girl is way ahead.

    And yes, you're right. I think that's how the magazines display them, no?

    Kate - You saying "box that little bastards ears" made me laugh out loud. Hilarious.

    Lynn - I had relatives who used "ain't" - doesn't bother me one bit. But I'm sure your spell check melted with digeraBieberdoo! Ha!

    Laura - I wish my title had said "...the only prescription is fewer Bieber" - but I didn't think of it!

    Most people don't make the distinction and it's like nails on chalk to me. Count and non-count nouns! is what the ESL grammar teacher in me screams.

    Cristina - I cannot get past this stuff! I just can't!

    J - I tried the outstretched hand. It looked weirder. And it wasn't about the money for nail polish...it was about the Bieber!

    cla517 - Exactly - these are the perfect big sparkles! Such fun stocking stuffer!

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  12. I can't bring myself to buy a bottle, but I have no qualms about borrowing yours. May I?

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