So I've hit 30 weeks. And Amy Winehouse's Rehab song keeps playing in my head. I ain't gonna spent ten weeks...
Although of course I am. And I'm hoping it's ten weeks rather than 11 or 12.
At last week's midwife visit, the girl was head down (yay!). The prior visit, they told me to start visualizing her getting into head-down position. I pretty much suck at visualizing (in the same way that meditation is hard for me - I get distracted) but I started regularly singing "Put your head down. Put your feet up."
Because I've been thinking, oh, you, my little friend, you are not going to be breech after all this pursuit of VBAC and following the midwives' dietary guidelines and putting all that money down for a doula...No no no. You are going to stick your head down there and cooperate.
But, of course, mostly I tried to channel happy warm rainbow puppy thoughts about how much more fun it would be to have her feet up.
I love having my puffy feet and ankles up now, and so it was kind of a soothing thing to say. I'm not saying I got her to turn. But I'm happy about it.
Of course, when there seems to be a lot of activity in there, particularly activity that involves lots of poking with elbows and knees, I always imagine her putting her head back up, all, I'm sick of this upside-down shit! You're not the boss of me!
We'll see.
The night before last, Nick saw me lumbering up the stairs and said, "I don't mean this unkindly, but I don't know how you're going to do this for ten more weeks."
No fucking kidding. Get me a palanquin.
I can't get comfortable, particularly at night. I'm hot, so I throw off the covers. Then my skin is itchy, so I put on lotion. Then my hip hurts, so I roll over, with great difficulty. Then my other hip gets sore. Then I readjust the pillows. Then I'm thirsty. I drink water. Then I need to pee.
Etc. Ad nauseum. Blah blah blah. And so on and so forth.
And yesterday we were walking to work and Nick said something that pissed me off. It wasn't anything egregious, but it just flew all over me.
I was immediately enraged, and in my head was all, who is this fucking asshole and how in hell did I wind up married to such a douchebag?
And thus, and I let him have it.
To which he responded, "Could you dial back the sarcasm by about 50%?"
At which point of course I burst into tears all, "NO! NO I CAN'T DIAL IT BACK! I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO ABILITY TO DO SO I CAN'T DIAL ANYTHING BACK AND THIS IS ONLY GOING TO GET WORSE AND WE HAVE MONTHS AND MONTHS TO GO AND DO YOU THINK I LIKE BEING LIKE THIS?!"
My friend Kaysha told me that her boss said I looked tired. And Kaysha said, "Yeah, we were wondering if Lisa would find anything pregnancy more enjoyable this time. And she doesn't seem to be."
No, I certainly don't, do I?
Hey, I was just listening to that song on the way to work! I haven't put that cd in for quite a while. Serendipity!
ReplyDeleteI am so envious of the kicking. I loved that so much. But I do remember the discomfort. That sore hip thing! What is that? I still get that sometimes and I have no idea why.
If you don't have round ligament pain, be very glad. I had it for the last several months of my first pregnancy, and it made me incapable of walking any faster than a snail's pace. Very frustrating for all.
Wish I could take away the discomfort for you. Seriously. Might sound weird but I'd love to be pregnant for a day, especially if it would give you a day off.
I love the kicking! It's quite amazing, isn't it, that you'll never, ever be closer to another human being than the one living in your uterus.
DeleteThank you for the offer. I would be so delighted to hand off the pregnant for a day! Or five! :)
So, I can't really empathize, but I can sympathize a little, because I've got some (comparatively mild, I'm sure) constant discomfort going on - and it's really easy to not realize just how much that constant discomfort affects everything.
ReplyDeleteI think maybe you just need to give yourself a break, and remember that while you might not be enjoying it, you're doing a really good job of it, and it isn't forever and your efforts will pay off. And that people who comment on how tired one looks are annoying.
Well, you definitely know about the chronic pain, that's for sure. And it's true, it affects everything.
DeleteI appreciate your kind words, I really do. And yes, the ones who comment on how tired you look are annoying. I did that to a pregnant friend way before I was pregnant. She bit my head off...and then once I was pregnant, oh, I understood.
Look at this and send these thoughts to her:
ReplyDeletehttp://www.buzzfeed.com/mjs538/things-that-make-corgis-happy
It's a cuteness overload...
*hugs*
That is serious cuteness! And I've always thought corgis were weird. But look how cute!
DeleteHugs!
Don't imagine her being upside down. Imagine her playing at the fun end of the pool.And a foot rub...that's what you need. I swear they make you relaxed, cures what ails, helps with every sort of discomfort, is the best sleeping aid and can prolong the life of your husband. Try one, then two. Make an appointment a week for 8 weeks. Something to look forward to just for you. yes, expensive but so worth it if you consider dividing up the furniture and all. Hugs!
ReplyDeleteI don't mind her upside down, actually. and I do love the idea of feet up. I'll find out tomorrow if she's still where we want her.
DeleteAnd...I dunno. Foot rubs? I can't say I've ever been delighted with people rubbing my feet. Pedicures, yes. But not the rub part. Although if it can prolong my husband's life...:)
are you hammocking? (get on all 4's for ~1hr) a day. I was never able to do more than 20 minutes. it really helps the baby slide into proper birthing position, head down, face up. when I think of other things my doula recs, I'll email you. luv soph
ReplyDeleteThey are having me do the cat/cow yoga poses. It sounds like the same kind of thing? Although they didn't give me a time goal. I have a long meeting with my doula next week - I'll see what she has to say. Love to you!
DeleteYou will not regret the doula decision. I didn't have one the first time round and WHAT a difference it made! I also didn't have a squarch bottle first time round but thanks to you did this time!
ReplyDeleteFound this cool post. http://daddyconfidential.com/2012/parenting/i-challenge-you-to-a-doula/
I heard someone say that pregnancy is divided in two - the first 8 months and the last (unbearable) month. How true! Good luck with the last few weeks!
I really like the doula we chose, and she handled Nick very well when he was voicing some concerns and hostility about last time vs this time, which makes me confident that if he is flipping out in the delivery room, she'll help keep us all calm.
DeleteThanks for the post - I'll read for sure.
And yah, all that first crappy stuff seems easy in retrospect, once you're all tired and bitter hauling giant belly around.