Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Fictional schmictional. We all need a Bates. And a Pamuk.

I don't know about you, but engaging in idle speculation, no matter how frivolous or pointless, seems to be one of my favorite things.

This morning I was huffing and puffing as I put on my sneakers, and Betty asked if I needed some help.

I told her that the other day Nick had come upstairs to see if I was OK, because I’d been grunting and groaning like a stuck pig. He could hear me all the way from the living room. And I was all, “Oh, I’m just trying to put on my maternity tights.”

“Did Nick help you put them on?”

“He didn’t! You know what I need? I need a valet!”

(Of course, being all Downtonified, I pronounced it vall-et rather than the American vallay.)

Nick said, “You wouldn’t have a vall-et. You’d have a lady’s maid.”

“I don’t want a maid. I want Bates.”

“No you don’t. You thought he was pasty and squishy, remember?” (Trust my husband to remember that.)

“Oh, right! Yes! Right! But handsome in his clothes! What I really need is a Pamuk!”

Betty asked, “What’s a Pamuk?”

“Remember Poor Mr. Pamuk? The Turkish delight who died in Mary’s bed? Best looking man on the whole show.”

“Oh, yes. Did he have a heart attack?”

“I think so. Which, actually, is kind of sketchy, since he’d only be like 25 or so.”

“Maybe he had a heart condition?”

“Or maybe he was doing drugs.”

“Maybe...”

Nick broke in. “Maybe it doesn’t actually matter, since we’re talking about a fictional character?”

12 comments:

  1. It's one of my favorite things too. If Nick hadn't broken in, I wonder how long the imaginative speculation would have continued?!

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    1. Sadly, not that long - I had to go to work.

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  2. I love Bates, but his labored stoicism pisses me off at times. I want an Anna.

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    1. You are totally right - he does get annoying. And Anna is just so lovely. Clearly what I really want is an Anna.

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  3. Whoa whoa whoa doesn't matter? Is Nick new here?

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    1. I know! Sometimes I think I don't even know him.

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  4. maternity tights? seriously? you enjoy torturing yourself????

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    1. Actually, they're kind of like lighter-weight leggings, and they cover my belly, and sometimes them with a dress is just so much comfier than pants.

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  5. Chloe and I were driving to the airport yesterday and spent at least half that time speculating and discussing Downton. I may have to live with her when she gets married and has children because MathMan doesn't understand the pure pleasure of Downtoning.

    Now that I'm going back to work, I could use a Mrs. Hudson and a Carson to keep things under control. A Daisy and Mrs. Pattmore would be fabulous, too, but I mustn't be greedy.

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    1. I am totally going to use your word - Downtoning. I don't care if the season is over. Downtoning is still a great pastime.

      Even just a Mrs. Hudson. Although I think I'd choose a cook over anyone, now that I'm really thinking about it. If I could only pick one.

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  6. I really need to check out this show. It came up last night and someone told me they have public Downton Abbey parties somewhere around here... I wondered if people dress up like at Mad Men parties and the person didn't know, but how fun would that be?

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    1. It is delicious, it really is. And if you've not seen any, you have two entire seasons of delight ahead of you.

      I would LOVE to wear clothes of that era. So beautiful.

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