Monday, February 06, 2012

Crabby kid, crabby mom, and choosing from 735 varieties of weird. At least.

Last night I asked our across the street friends and neighbors if they would be up for trading Jordan for their adorable French bulldog, just for a couple days.

I was kidding. Sort of. Anyway, that's how they took it.

Although very candidly, and I know this will make me sound dreadful and hateful, this weekend I was totally fantasizing about a kiddie kennel/hotel. If I had somewhere to send Jordan for a month week couple days where I knew he would be totally safe and happy, I would do it.

I just want time to do nothing in the evening, without feeling guilty, because it means someone else is picking up the kid slack. Last pregnancy, I laid in bed and ate frozen yogurt and read the Twilights. It sounds like the epitome of luxury to me at this point.

Anyway.

Jordan was sick last week and Thursday morning Nick took him to the pediatrician, who said he didn't have another ear infection (yay!) but to watch him. And then Friday I came home early because he had a 102 fever. (He was up and down all weekend but has kicked it and is back to fine, thankfully.)

What I have now realized is this: Jordan, much like my dad, is very sweet and docile and malleable when he's really sick. It sounds terrible, but my dad was at his most agreeable when he was particularly feeble. It was always the nice respite after big trauma.

And Jordan, when Jordan is all feeble he will snuggle against you and cuddle and ask you to read to him and it's so deliciously sweet. And you don't want him to be terribly sick, of course, but it is delightful to have a very calm little snuggle-boy.

However.

When he's not really sick, and improves to the point of feeling sort of bad, as far as I can tell, he's kind of a belligerent asshole. And neeeeeeeeedy. Oh, needy. Cannot play with toys without you being RIGHT THERE. And at his beck and call every moment. And screamy cry-y when you don't do his bidding immediately.

My mother keeps reminding me that he's two and I'm the adult. And I try to be all take a deep breath and silently intone SERENITY NOW MOTHERFUCKING SERENITY NOW but...I'm not great at it.

Because apparently, I'm not much older than two.

AND: this all coincided with my starting a new medication. Because, while I don't have gestational diabetes (thank you, JesusBuddhaMahavir!), my thyroid turns out to not be working as well as it should. While apparently common in pregnancy, it has implications for the baby - like possible stillbirth, lower cognitive function, and such.

In other words, as soon as they called in the prescription on Friday I sprinted over to CVS.

My midwife said I should expect to feel kind of weird in the beginning. "Weird how?"

Because I know full well from experience that there are more than 735 official kinds of weird. And I was just wanting to be a little prepared for which kind of weird I might need to embrace.

"Just...different. It's a foreign substance your body has to get used to!"

So I took it as directed on an empty stomach Saturday morning and waited for the weird.

Mostly, it makes...very agitatey. I was extra-crabby and tired all weekend. Which initially I attributed to the kid being particularly needy and trying and also sort of sucking the life out of me.

But at today's midwife visit, when I told her I was all agitated and exhausted she said, "Yes, probably."

Which is an annoying kind of weird, but I guess better than, I don't know, a toe growing out of your neck or something.

15 comments:

  1. I totally fantasize about having a weekend completely to myself. I figure it will happen eventually. Like, when I'm dead. :) Hang in there!!

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    1. YES! I'm going away for work tomorrow...but what I want is for everyone ELSE to go away so I can just sit on our couch and do nothing!!

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  2. Please look up the "Man Cold" sketch on YouTube by Man Stroke Woman - it's always good for a laugh when dealing with sick men (and by analogy, sick boys).

    Hope all starts feeling better soon!

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    1. Andie, Man Cold is one of my favorite things on the internet. Spectacular. Although men never seem to find it funny...:)

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  3. As you know, I have a great deal of sympathy and empathy for the weird, and I hope you get used to it soon. And, you know, I get the impression that most parents feel that way at times.

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    1. I think her telling me that my weird was normal and would subside went a long way yesterday. I know you know about the "hey, wonder how today will feel?" ride.

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  4. Jordan and Josie must be going through the same phase. Though she is more of a whiny asshole than a belligerent asshole. But also very bossy and clingy. I will be chanting SERENITY NOW MOTHERFUCKING SERENITY NOW...

    Hugs to you.

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    1. Oh, yes! The BOSSY! Holy crap, the bossy. Hugs back to you.

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    2. The good thing is, it passes. Zeke is going through a positively delightful phase. Which is good, because if I had two assholes on my hands, somebody's safety would be in jeopardy (and it wouldn't be mine).

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  5. Thyroid medication is natural, something the body produces and you can be low in it, or have too much, and it just needs to be in a normal range. It is not a foreign substance.

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    1. Well, yes and no. Thyroid hormone is something the body produces, but levothyroxine is synthetic thyroid hormone, and I need it because my body isn't producing enough naturally. So currently, it's something my body needs to get used to.

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  6. Oh yes. You are so right about the first pregnancy / second pregnancy difference. During the second one, that first one totally seems decadent. All the quiet! All the laying down! I remember spending a lot of time on the couch, watching Star Trek and crocheting. I haven't picked up a crochet hook since before #1 came out.

    The only difference for me was that during #1 I did have the god damned gestational diabetes, and during #2, somehow, miraculously, I did not. So #2 had some decadent features that #1 did not. And those features would be carbs. Oh how I love them. So glad for you that you are not having to deal with that!

    And I will say again, I do love your version of Serenity Now.

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    1. All that TIME! I took for granted all the free time! Just like my abs, I didn't know I was kissing me time goodbye forever and ever.

      My midwives are pretty militant about the diet, in the interest of health and keeping baby size down (I told them they haven't met my husband yet) and so I'm on a no-sugar, no white flour, no refined anything regime. Because I love the sweets, I do I do.

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  7. Lisa - since I finally have a friggin' internet connection I'll jump on here to send big hugs and say that I've been reading along (even if I've been quiet). Even though I can't pretend to know to how you're feeling right now, the way you write it out makes me feel for you. I hope you and Jordan both feel better soon.

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    1. I'm so glad your life in the UK is getting more settled! So exciting! Hugs to you, and I appreciate it. It's not terrible, just exhausting and frustrating. And I have no patience.

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