Tuesday, August 07, 2012

I got 99 problems but a boob ain't one

When I say we've tried approximately 537 types of bottles what I really mean is we are getting down to the fucking wire here, and if little miss sugarpoops would just oblige and drink from a goddamn bottle, it would make me feel a hell of a lot better.

I might even cut down on the motherfucking profanity.

Jordan didn't care where his food came from. Boob? Sure. Bottle? Why not? We used Dr. Browns for the most part, but genuinely, he did not care.

This kid, after taking a bottle about every other week starting just after three weeks, which is when the pediatrician told us to start, one day just said fuck it. No. More. Bottles!

She said it LOUDLY. For hours.

Then I read something about excess lipase in one's frozen breast milk, making it taste sour or soapy. So I tasted a sip of my frozen milk. It tasted sour.

However. I'm also highly suggestible. If I read a description of wine that talks about undercurrents of cigar box and magnolia shrubs, I can always taste them. I wasn't the best candidate for hypnosis, but I'm clearly susceptible.

We tried with freshly-squozen breast milk.

Nope. No way.

So then we decided to just try formula in the bottle. Whole nother experience!

Nothing doing.

Besides Dr. Browns we have Medela, and Avent, and Adiri. We've tried a sippy cup. At the suggestion of Miss Dallas, I ordered this fancy boob-shaped bottle. Naturally, I had to immediately pull it out of the box, place it to the side of my boob and ask Nick what he thought about my profile.

Nick was amused, but then asked sceptically, "Do you really think you're going to trick her with that?"

I can't remember what I said in return, but I'm pretty sure it had the asshole word in it.

Which matters not one bit because India was all, "I spit on your fake boob! Fuck you! Give me the real thing NOW RIGHT NOW I MEAN RIGHT RIGHT NOW OR I WILL SCREAM MY TOOTHLESS HAIRLESS LITTLE HEAD OFF!"

I discussed this with our daycare director, whom I adore. She said their hardest case refused a bottle for three weeks. She sees that as worst-case scenario. She assured me this will not happen.

However, she added, if India goes for four weeks, they will not be able to keep her.

This is fair. Just, you know, frightening.

So far, cajoling hasn't worked. A stranger giving her the bottle hasn't worked. Threats muttered under my breath have gotten me nowhere. Same with pleading and bribery.

She comes by her stubbornness honestly. But still.

18 comments:

  1. We went through something similar with my son. Things you've probably tried but I am suggesting are: no holding during bottle feeding. I put him in his vibrating chair and pretty much tried to hide from him. He also like the milk only really warm. Also, I ended up using dr brown bottles with the nipples with holes large enough that the milk pretty much poured into his mouth without any work. Eventually we got him to take the bottle at daycare and home, but then he quit as soon as he started solids.

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    1. Thank you for sharing this - we haven't tried these things. I think the vibrating chair is a good idea - someone was always holding her during attempted feedings. We also haven't made the milk really warm. Jordan would drink it straight out of the fridge, so this is a very different experience.

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  2. Shit. I don't miss those days. Not that we had that problem, but we had our share.Fucking Frustrating!I'll cuss some for you and drink a bit more too for your sake. Hopefully it will help some. And maybe someone can come up with an idea SOON!

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    1. Oh, Lynn! Thank you for the sympathy and the profanity! Hugs to you!

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  3. Have you tried the medela calma nipples? I've read that they're perfect for "recreating" breastfeeding in terms of how much the baby has to work for their food.

    My daughter was like Jordan, could have cared less from where it came. My son on the other hand has the opposite problem of India--He grew so accustomed to bottles during a long car trip that he now refuses to nurse during the day (though somehow manages to find the will to do so at night?) So i can only slightly imagine your level of frustration. Hopefully someone has a suggestion that will work!

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    1. And a second thought, what about starting with a nipple shield? Then she gets used to the feeling of plastic/silicone in her mouth, but is still getting it straight from the boob. Then once she gets used to that then try a bottle again?

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    2. I don't know what our Medela nipples are, but I don't think anything special. Will investigate calma.

      That's really interesting. It's like when he's awake and thinking about it, he's making his choice, and when he's tired, instinct takes over.

      Also, I hadn't thought about a nipple shield. That's a good thought!

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  4. We have sooo been there. We tried everything and the only success we had was finding a brand that made a soother and bottle nipple that matched. We got B1 to take the soother (that wasn't easy) and then once she was used to the soother tried the matching bottle nipple and she drank... It wasn't perfect but the most success we'd had. I think it was Nubby brand. Good luck!
    Ps love your blog - it got me through all the late night feeds with B2 - this is my first time commenting

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    1. Thank you for the kind words and for your input! She hasn't been the least bit interested in pacifiers, so that would be a whole nother level of challenge. Argh!

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  5. Oy. I didn't breastfeed, so I can't really relate, but it sounds brutal. India, give your mama a break!!

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    1. It's inconvenient now, but the big stress is that I'll be back at work soon and I'm so worried about how she's going to be at daycare. Ugh!

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  6. Hi Lisa! This is Kellee from Trim. I feel your pain with the bottles. We went through the same shit. We have every fucking bottle and nipple out there. What finally worked for us is the playtex bottles with the plastic lining. One day Selby just took the bottle. She would much rather have my tit but that is the only bottle she will take. Hope you are doing well! I love reading your updates!!

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    1. Kellee! I'm so happy to hear from you! I've been wondering about you. Sarah said you'd had your baby and everything went fine, and I was glad to hear it. Selby is a lovely name! We haven't tried Playtex yet...

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  7. You've probably already tried this, but if not, definitely give higer- or lower-flow nipples a try. It worked for a friend of mine in a simialar situation. Turned out, her daughter wasn't getting as much milk from the bottle as she was from the boob, which she was NOT HAPPY about. A higher-flow nipple fixed her right up. And if you have already tried that, then I've got nuthin....either way, you have my extreme sympathies!

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    1. No, we haven't tweaked the size of the flow - thanks for the suggestion! Reading this I'm realizing there are so many variables: nipple shape, flow, milk temperature, where baby is...We just have to tackle these one by one I guess.

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  8. I am so sorry the boobie bottle didn't work! :( That was our last-ditch and it totally worked for us, and we eventually went to using the Tommee Tippee Closer to Nature bottles. I really hope you guys find a solution that works for you and India.

    On the bright side, yay for a boobie baby! So glad nursing is going well for you two! She looks positively scrumptious!

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  9. My 7 mo old daughter went through a bottle strike during months 4 & 5. It was bittersweet because it was the first point in her life that I wasn't supplementing. I'm a SAHM but it was still awful - homegirl was nursing every 1.5 hrs and I needed a break to go to freakin Target. Anyway, what finally worked was a combo of the new Similac bottles (sounds crazy, but they're boob-shaped) and my husband giving her a bottle first thing in the AM when she was hungriest (meanwhile, I pumped). Now she's fine with bottles - we use BornFree and Similac with no issues, but I know every baby is different and it's a giant crapshoot.

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  10. Our sitter swears by the Playtex Nurser bottles for her worst cases. Our daughter also refused several bottles. It has also helped feeding her away from the person's chest - for example, letting her rest in her bouncy or against propped knees and cupping your hand around the bottom of the bottle so that your hand fits around her chin and cheeks like the boob would. Good luck to you - I went back to work a month ago and was so stressed about the feeding situation! Thankfully, everything has worked out!

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