Tuesday, August 13, 2013
Today I am 44
I am older than many of our parents were when we were in high school. And they were old! So impossibly grown up!
My husband is that grown up. I will never be that grown up
I am OK with this. (Pretty sure he is, too.)
I like myself so much better than I ever have in my life. I have more wrinkles, more brown spots, and now my hair is blonde thanks to the good grace of chemicals, modern foil techniques, and a lovely woman named Sarah.
And yet, I also have so much more confidence. It makes the other things matter significantly less.
Which is not to say I haven't thought about Botox.
I have no ability to discern good music from bad. I embrace all things 80s, and 80s dance songs from 1983-1987 seem to be the only ones with lyrics I actually know.
I never know anything musically cool or new. Copacabana remains one of my favorite songs.
Happily, I no longer feel like I need to hide these facts.
Blogging changed my life. It made me realize that other people thought many of the same bizarro things that I do, and feel the same intense feelings.
And the people who were going to judge me for thinking and feeling these things out loud were not people I needed in my life.
It was incredibly liberating.
Right now I weigh about 10 pounds more than I did in high school Actually, 10-20, depending on the year. But I think I look better than I did back then. I'm stronger and healthier. So much healthier.
Well, not everything looks better. I had significantly nicer abs before babies. Same goes for my boobs.
I do miss my happy little cupcakes.
My kids are the best thing I have ever done, the best gift I have ever been given. I had no idea how much richer my life would be.
I also had no idea how much sleep I actually need. It is approximately 1-4 hours more than I get on a given night.
This is going to be the year I write my book. It is.
Saying that out loud terrifies me and pulls out all my insecurities.
And I still feel like an imposter when I put on lipstick. I don't know why.
The only thing that really matters to me is the people I love. That's all life comes down to. I love our house, and I do, of course, have some fantastic boots, but let's be honest: people are what matter.
And I have excellent taste in people. I do. This struck me the other day, and I know it for an absolute fact.