Tuesday, August 13, 2013

Today I am 44

This much I know right now (not comprehensive, and in stream of consciousness kind of order):

I am older than many of our parents were when we were in high school. And they were old! So impossibly grown up!

My husband is that grown up. I will never be that grown up

I am OK with this. (Pretty sure he is, too.)
 
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I like myself so much better than I ever have in my life. I have more wrinkles, more brown spots, and now my hair is blonde thanks to the good grace of chemicals, modern foil techniques, and a lovely woman named Sarah.

And yet, I also have so much more confidence. It makes the other things matter significantly less.

Which is not to say I haven't thought about Botox.

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I have no ability to discern good music from bad. I embrace all things 80s, and 80s dance songs from 1983-1987 seem to be the only ones with lyrics I actually know.

I never know anything musically cool or new. Copacabana remains one of my favorite songs.

Happily, I no longer feel like I need to hide these facts.

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Blogging changed my life. It made me realize that other people thought many of the same bizarro things that I do, and feel the same intense feelings.

And the people who were going to judge me for thinking and feeling these things out loud were not people I needed in my life.

It was incredibly liberating.

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Right now I weigh about 10 pounds more than I did in high school Actually, 10-20, depending on the year. But I think I look better than I did back then. I'm stronger and healthier. So much healthier.

Well, not everything looks better. I had significantly nicer abs before babies. Same goes for my boobs.

I do miss my happy little cupcakes.

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My kids are the best thing I have ever done, the best gift I have ever been given. I had no idea how much richer my life would be.

I also had no idea how much sleep I actually need. It is approximately 1-4 hours more than I get on a given night.

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This is going to be the year I write my book. It is.

Saying that out loud terrifies me and pulls out all my insecurities.

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And I still feel like an imposter when I put on lipstick. I don't know why.

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The only thing that really matters to me is the people I love. That's all life comes down to. I love our house, and I do, of course, have some fantastic boots, but let's be honest: people are what matter.

And I have excellent taste in people. I do. This struck me the other day, and I know it for an absolute fact.

38 comments:

  1. Happiest of happy days! I'm so glad I know you and get to celebrate you. You're mahvelous!

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    1. Thank you lovey lovey love! You are one of my favorite humans! Hugs to you!

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  2. I for one am happy to know you which means that I have good taste in people as well...Miss you LJ!!

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    1. Miss you, too, Delo. We do need to find a time to get together. Hugs to you!

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  3. Happy Birthday!
    "Blogging changed my life. It made me realize that other people thought many of the same bizarro things that I do, and feel the same intense feelings." --> I feel this way about reading other peoples' blogs...i.e. yours!

    And also, I think I have that same eagle mirror behind you, from my grandparents' house! I spray painted mine white and it's over my mantle!
    -Rachel in Chicago

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    1. Thank you! I'm so glad you still read!

      Nick got that mirror from his grandmother, so likely the same era! I really like it!

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  4. Happy Birthday Lisa! Hope you have a wonderful day with your family :) Even though I'm no longer blogging, I continue to read and enjoy your posts...thank you for always making me smile.

    (Melissa - formerly Browneyegirlie)

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    1. Oh, thank you Mrs. K! I am so glad you are still reading! Wow! I hope you are happy and well!

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  5. Happy birthday!! Isn't it nice to like yourself more than you ever did before?

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    1. Thank you! Yes, oh my goodness yes. I wish it had happened long, long ago!

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  6. Happy birthday! Your blog is unequivocally one of my favourites to read ever and it makes me happy to see you happy like this :)

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    1. Thank you thank you for the kind words!!!

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  7. You make a fabulous looking imposter in lipstick, and I for one cannot wait to read the book. :) Felicidades.

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    1. Such hugs to you, Jeanne! Huge compliments!

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  8. Happy happy birthday lovely Lisa! I hope on your birthday someone makes you laugh as hard as you always make me laugh :)

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    1. Aww, Tia, that makes me so happy! Thank you!

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  9. A very happy birthday to you Lisa! Its funny how I thought "this girl looks uncomfortable with lipstick" when i first saw the pic here. And you said it out loud in the end. I wish that you continue believing in your blessings.

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    1. Thank you so much! (And I don't know if it's as much about the lipstick as the self-photo, but ugh! You can tell I'm uncomfortable?)

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  10. Lisa, you have absolutely no need for Botox!

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    1. Hugs to you, David! I just want it in the creases between my brows. I furrow them too much!

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  11. Happy Birthday!! Hope it was as wonderful as you are!!

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  12. Lovely post by my favorite author! You and Joan Didion, Margaret Mitchell and Harper Lee. Lovely photo of you, too, beautiful soul and smile.

    Happy happy birthday :)

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    1. Oh, Heather, I love you love you love you!

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  13. I am going to read the fuck out of your book, hunny bunny.

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    1. That is one of the best expressions I have ever heard! Love you!

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  14. Love this. Happy birthday!

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  15. A belated Happy Birthday! I would definitely read any book that you write.

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  16. Happy belated birthday you gorgeous woman!!! :D Shall we make a pact? Publish Or Perish in 2014?!

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    1. Thank you so much! Yikes, a pact! How about a tentative one? :)

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  17. Happy Belated Birthday my friend! Thank you for sharing your thoughtful and comical musings - dare I say wisdom? - with the internets :) I look forward to hanging with you guys one of these days. Enjoy the week; talk soon!
    PS - no botox! And yes lipstick! (and yes botox if it makes you happy i suppose.)

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    1. Lauren! I hope so! Such big hugs to you! Huge hugs! I miss you!

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  18. Happy Belated Birthday! Write that book.

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  19. Happy Belated Birthday! Write that book.

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