Why do I have to wait until I'm way down in it? Every time?
I mean, for Pete's sake, I wrote a post last week about how I'm doing so much better at the even-keeling! I haven't sunk since way back in the dark ages of my pregnantness! I am good! I am doing the breaststroke, head out of water! I am fine!
I even linked to this post to contrast it with my now. Because now is not like then! Right?
Yeah. So why do I feel so not fine?
Today I decided to make a list:
List of Things That Are Currently Wrong With Me (Not Comprehensive)
- I'm struggling to concentrate.
- I have no desire to write - one of the things I enjoy most.
- This might be because I feel kind of...blank. What do I have to say that's interesting?
- Also, writing means concentrating. Oh, look! A squirrel!
- I don't want to exercise at all. Exercise means getting up.
- Boy, am I irritable. Why does everyone suck?
- My fuse is terribly short - shorter than my attention span.
- So shut up.
- No, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it. Man. Why do I suck?
- Yah, so generally, I suck.
- Mostly what I'd like to do is just sit around and drink wine.
- Oh, and also shove cookies into my face hole.
- And then go to sleep.
- It would be even nicer if I didn't have to get up and take care of children and you know, do stuff.
So. Once I laid them out, I was all, oh, look! Here we are, underwater!
The bad/good thing is, I've been here before. So maybe I don't actually suck or hate everyone, starting with myself. Also, importantly, I'm not all curled up in a hole, uninterested in getting dressed or breathing or whatever. I'm just, you know, not so much on top of the VOD.
But I am wearing clothes! And
I used to cry and cry. I would start crying and not stop for days. I don't want the crying back, but it certainly is obvious.