And then I'm going to go to the bakery and get me some fish

We won a weekend at a river house in Jordan's school auction, so we went out to Front Royal, VA, for Father's Day.

I have to say, the people of Front Royal were super friendly. Also, they make really good ice cream.

And hey! Now we know who won the tiny-drawer dresser!

Nick had meetings till late evening Friday, and we stopped for dinner on the way (at Wegmans, which really is a magical place). Jordan was bound and determined to ride in the shopping cart, comfort be damned.

So it was late and pitch dark by the time we were turning down the increasingly small, unlit roads to get to the house. Dark and winding tree-lined roads of my slumber party stories, where a couple goes out for a drive and they learn there's an escaped convict in the woods but the car runs out of gas...and ultimately the boyfriend winds up dead and hanging from a tree above the car, scritch scritch scritching on the roof.

The woods are lovely, dark, and deep. And filled with murdery types.

Nick had to walk around back to get the key, and when he left the car he jokingly said, "Lock the doors!"

And then fell on the ground laughing when my eyes bugged out and I shrieked, "Really?!"

It took him a while to come through the front door and by that time I was ready to dial 911 but hadn't quite decided if it would be better to: 1. lock the car doors and stay to wait for the police; 2. sneak out of the car and find a large stick while my mom stay locked in with kids; or 3. drive down the road and wait for police, possibly leaving Nick for dead but definitely saving the children.

Fortunately, none of the above needed to happen.

When the sun came up through the giant and abundant windows, you could see the river across the lawn. It was really a gorgeous place. So lovely in the daylight.

As it turned out, our main nemesis was not escaped convicts but sulfur water.

They'd mentioned this and that there was a filtration system, and the water was potable. But we couldn't drink it. I couldn't rinse off in it either. I mean, yes, in the yard where it was freezing and open-air, but not in the shower.

Because I don't know if you've ever showered in sulfur water, but basically it is like standing in a box of super moist farts.

I tried for one hot second, and then decided I was likely to throw up, and it would all just be the worst combination.

What I'm saying is, I came home from the weekend unbathed. I was washed in river water.

Anyway, they had bottled water in the fridge and then the next day Nick dropped me at the grocery while the rest of them went to get gas. I got a bunch of gallons of water.  I wanted to get the huge plastic water jug things with a tap that you set on the counter, but there'd been a recall.

I asked if they knew why, but they didn't.

We'd been drinking from those big jug things out of the fridge, so I was really hoping it wasn't recalled because it was fracking water or something. Hopefully the taps were just a choking hazard or some such.

Anyway.

The woman at the checkout rang up all the gallons, and then said one of them rang up as $3.00 more than it should've been, and she was going to get customer service.

I'd already swiped my card, and there was nobody else in line, so I said, "OK, then, I'm going to run  get some wine!"

And I did run. One guy said, "Emergency?" And then saw the wine and gave me a thumbs-up.

When I got back to the register, bottle in hand, there were a couple people in line.

The woman at the front pointed to the cashier and said, "She says you're exchanging your water for wine!"

"I'm, uh? Yes!"