Thursday, October 08, 2009

Fodder for the teen years

I never, ever thought I'd say this, but changing diapers is not really a big deal.

I was absolutely dreading the poo. And then I started changing diapers, and I'll be damned if what every single other parent has said wasn't exactly true.

When it's your own kid, it's fine.

It's a little weird, in that breastfed babies, at least in the beginning, have this yellow poo that looks like Dijon mustard. It even has those little brown grains in it. You could totally picture it on crusty bread with lettuce and ham.

I mean, if it weren't poo, of course.

These little brown grains are remarkably sticky. They get stuck everywhere, and you kind of have to scrape at them, very gently, with baby wipes.

I've realized that this kind of activity could be useful, you know.

Because one day, one day, when Jordan is a belligerent teenager, I am going to be fully prepared with the following.

That I not only wiped poo off his butt and smeared his anus with butt paste. No, not only that. I also scrubbed those little grainy brown mustard poo chunks off his little balls.

Nobody is going to want their prom date to hear about that.

16 comments:

  1. classic! What's even better is by then you'll have a book and all his friend will be able to read about it!

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  2. You are going to have a very well-behaved child.

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  3. That's a short, concise summary and will definitely be nice to have during those moments!

    I think I've really grown in that I can read LG posts like this while eatting lunch at my desk without being grossed out at all.

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  4. hahaha
    i imagine scraping it off of balls is alot easier than out of crevices (for girls, ya know)
    but i guess the trade off is the whole vertical peeing thing

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  5. Not for the faint of heart: http://www.babycenter.com/baby-poop-photos#1254933878970_0

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  6. Rindy - One hopes, one hopes!

    Dagny - I won't threaten him until he's older, though.

    HKW - I just want to hug you for saying that. :)

    notsojenny - There are a lot of crevices to clean, no matter which gender. But yah, with girls you have to be particularly careful, I think.

    Andie - Yikes. Those photos are a bit much, even though I see it multiple times a day.

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  7. Oh ick. As a non-parent, that just sounds horrible. What on earth could those grains be formed of, if you are breastfeeding?

    As for the idea of telling that story to every single date he has before the age of 30: BRILLIANT!

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  8. hahaha! I love it! I'm going to start taking nappy notes for my nephew. That'll totally sort out the serious.

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  9. Nathan is going to be so sorry I read this today. If I get any lip tonight.....

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  10. I laughed so hard I started coughing! But the question is, will I ever be able to eat grainy brown mustard without thinking of poo chunks? Or better yet, allow anyone else to eat it around me without telling your story?

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