Friday, October 16, 2009

I know who I was when I got up this morning, but I think I must have changed several times since then.

I have a lot of Alice moments.

Nick and I went out to check on his boat last weekend to make sure it was still afloat. And it was. With the new engine and whatever else, it doesn't take on water like it used to.

While we were there, he looked around, and said that he'd bought it almost exactly two years ago. Scant weeks before we met. Two years ago he was single, buying a boat prior to turning 40, and contemplating eternal bachelorhood.

And now there he was sitting on his boat with his wife and son.

So I was thinking about where I was two years ago in contrast to now. And now is worlds better. And so vastly different.

Then yesterday I realized that Monday was the three-year anniversary of Lemon Gloria. Three solid years!

And I forgot! Sorry, LG.

I started the blog heartbroken, as so many people do. I wrote and I cried daily. And of course, threw myself into dating. Because that's the best thing to do when you're heartbroken and not ready.

I began to chronicle my dating frustrations. And I wrote about my family ups and downs, and ultimately the death of my father. And I wrote about Nick. His proposal. Our wedding. My pregnancy. Our Jordan.

It's been a varied ride.

But currently I feel like I've taken on this new identity - one in relation to Jordan, and to Nick - and in the process, lost some (much?) of myself.

I mean, I think it's necessary when you have a new baby to be all about the baby. His needs are so great, and so immediate. And you can meet them. And honestly, when he looks at you and smiles, it just squeezes your heart so tenderly and so hard at the same time.

I've never felt anything like it.

But at some point Refugee (who, I should add, is a friend of mine, and included this in a compliment to me) referred to me as a mommy blogger - albeit an interesting one - and this caught me up short. Because since the arrival of the kid, that's pretty much all I talk about. And think about. And subsequently write about.

I'm a mommy blogger.

And I've started to wonder who I am anymore. My life has become so narrow. I love this window to the outside. But does the world really need another mommy blog?

And am I am boring the tar out of you all?

I'm still on maternity leave. I spend the bulk of my time with Jordan. I don't have random encounters on the street. In fact, I often don't leave the house. I don't even change my clothes daily.

Mostly, I write about one topic: my baby.

Which, now that I think about it, is probably preferable to writing about my vagina. I'm not sure.

40 comments:

  1. Yes, you're a "mommy blogger" but you were also a "single woman" blogger, a "girlfriend" blogger, a "bride-to-be" blogger, and a "wife" blogger. And we've all gotten to read about every role you've played!

    I love your blog and you always make me laugh. I'm not bored with your mommy posts -- after all, I read blogs written by men, by 20-somethings, etc. why would yours bore us when the reason we're reading is because we want to hear about your LIFE? :)

    Don't stop letting us peek at your world!

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  2. The above comment really says it all. I, for one, really enjoy your blog, and have for about 18 months or so now (maybe just before you met Nick, I think?) But that may be because I'm running just a few months shy of you in these life occasions (married last Nov., expecting baby (a boy!) in January).

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  3. I have heard more bloggers lately -- bloggers that I admire and love -- worry about being "mommy bloggers." It makes me hate those people that whine about how their favorite blog is all about baby now, the ones that make bloggers paranoid that their readers are sitting at home going "ugh, about the kid again?" I love to hear what is going on in your life, whether it's about babies or not. So please, keep writing about whatever is going on with you. Even if it's about your vagina, everyone appreciates a good vagina post.

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  4. You have yet to bore me and you could write about watching paint dry and you would still entertain me.

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  5. Please don't change a thing. :)

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  6. MyTruth0812 - Thank you so much for saying all those very kind things. I really appreciate hearing them.

    Anonymous - Thank you. And congratulations. I think my baby boy is the best thing on the planet. I really, really do.

    Lisa - It did make me paranoid, for sure - maybe mostly because I was never all that interested in kids before. Refugee is a friend of mine, and he was giving me a compliment. But he was the first person to refer to me that way, and I was all, holy crap! I'm a mommy blogger! What does this mean for me???

    And I'm glad everyone appreciates a good vagina post.:)

    JoLee - Ah, thank you. Big hugs to you.

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  7. Mommy or no, you are still the most witty and interesting person I've ever read on the internets. I am personally far from having a child but you writing about it does not scare me away at all. I think any straggling readers who were just here for the heartbroken dating stories might be left behind, but I suspect that the rest of us find too much substance and enjoyment in your writing to let some mommytalk chase us off. Still reading~

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  8. I have said it to you before and I will say it again: you give me hope that if I get married and have a baby I can still be an awesome, interesting person, who yeah, might be a mommy, but also has really great things to say. You are fall in to no catagory. Being a mommy does not define who you are.

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  9. I think that you are a gifted writer with a fantastic sense of humor and a great perspective. And even though our lives are not particularly similar right now, I find myself drawn in - as soon as I see your blog pop up in my reader, it's the first one I head to.

    I think you'll find that you have a very loyal audience, one that's here because you can make people be interested in things they didn't know they were.

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  10. I second what Dagny said, word for word. You are the first blog I click to in my reader!

    I still LOVE your blog, even if I'm far from having a baby of my own.

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  11. honey, it doesn't matter what you're writing about. it's your voice, your personality, the way you articulate your point of view -- that's why i read your blog. you could be writing exclusively about cashews and i'd still read. and even if your day-to-day isn't wildly exciting, all the experiences you've had make you who you are and infiltrate anything you write about. labels are awfully scary things. screw that whole "mommy blog" thing. you're just lemon gloria.

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  12. I find your writing very interesting. I have no idea if the world needs another mommy blogger, but if you are enjoying writing, and we are enjoying reading I wouldn't suggest that you change a thing!

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  13. Lisa don't you dare think of quitting. Seriously you might talk about the little one a lot, but I think that why so many of us fell in love with Lemon Gloria is that you are who you are. You don't pretend to be something you're not. You're hilarious. You are the really funny friend who's always got a story to tell and who can always make us laugh. Jordan doesn't change any of that. Seriously...how many mommy bloggers talk about wiping poop flecks of their baby's balls? Seriously...you might be a mommy blogger, but you really are so much more than the average mommy blogger. Please don't leave us.

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  14. LG is so unique. It's not a Mommy blog or a Single Lady blog - it's a whole category to itself. And as many people mentioned, it's so funny!

    LG is a story and you're an amazing storyteller. I admire your writing a great deal.

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  15. I don't read blogs because of who the writer is (singletons, married peeps, dads, mommas, etc.) I read blogs because of the writers' voice. You are fucking hilarious, whether you are writing about dating shenanigans or lullabies with explicit lyrics. I don't care what you write about as long as you continue to write in your hilariously witty or painfully honest voice. Your blog is meant to be about your life. People can take it or leave it but I, for one, am choosing to take it.

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  16. I hate mommy blogs, and I think you're far from it. You're witty, charming, and it's impossible not to want to be your best friend from the way you write. Your honesty is refreshing (although admittedly I'm never, ever having a child now, but I felt that way before I read your story).

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  17. You aren't boring us. Far from it. I have been reading for about two years, I think. By now, I'm no longer sure how I ended up on your blog in the first place, but I definitely stayed. It isn't about the subject matter so much as it is a sort of kinship that develops (albeit a digital one). I think your posts are like the conversations I have with coworkers on break. Those relationships evolve over time also, and I would never abandon a friend that is now married/pregnant/mommy, just because we no longer discuss the same topics as when we first met. I suspect we've all come to care about how your life is progressing, laughed with you at times, cried during others, and rejoiced when things went well.

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  18. LG is a life blog. It's a blog about what's going on in our life. Babies included.

    I love your blog and am not bored at all.

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  19. No way, you're not a mommy blogger at all. You are a blogger who happens to be a mother. Huge difference. You're still entertaining and I love hearing about your life!

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  20. Like having Jordan, it's a beautiful transition, and I think we are all enjoying being part of your world...whether that means blogging only about him or your vagina. ;-) xo

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  21. I have a four week old baby girl and just wanted to let you know how much I enjoy your "mommy blog." Honestly, knowing that someone else is going through similar things gets me through some days. I also feel like I've lost a bit of myself and haven't been leaving the house much. Being home and not going to work everyday has been pretty isolating. It helps to read blogs like your's and know that someone else can relate. Anyway, just wanted to let you know how very much I appreciate your sharing your thoughts and feelings as you too go through mommyhood :)

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  22. As a woman in her late 20s who has been reading your blog since almost the beginning, who was recovering from heartache, who is single and worried she will never find the right one, who wants to have a family and then the next day doesn't, who doesn't know what she wants out of life, you show me that I can find a path that will make me unbelievably happy, without having to compromise on who I am. Keep celebrating where you are and don't let anyone take that away from you.

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  23. Anonymous in her late 20s took the words right out of my mouth, only I'm in my late 30s (eeks!). I enjoy hearing about your journey into motherhood. Thanks for being hilarious and honest in sharing your world with us.

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  24. Life is all about change, going through different phases, experiencing different things. Yes you are a mom now, but you've been so much before and will experience so much more in the future.

    You are a great writer and even though I've been reading you only for a short while, it would be sad to not read your words anymore.

    Mommy, wife, or just you, just love reading your blog and whatever you have to say!

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  25. mommy blogs to me discuss the relative merits of a million different kids of cloth diapers/baby food/etc and make it look like parenting is easy squeesy. you happen to be a mom but you also are real, you give me hope that even though it looks like i'll be single forever you never know when your soul mate will come around and you'll get to be a mom!

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  26. I was a bit taken aback when one of my brothers described my blog as a "mommy blog" to one of his friends. But it is what it is. You write what you know and what you feel, and if it's all about baby for awhile, then so be it.

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  27. Please don't think that you're JUST a mommy blogger! You've been so many things and you will continue to be so many. When Jordan is a bit older, your world will get a bit wider. I know it's tough to see in the midst of newborness, but it will! Please don't close down this particular "window", those of us who are faithful readers get as much (probably more)than you get from us. I look forward to hearing about you, in all your facets. (Even the vagina, if you must. . . )

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  28. You blog about life. That's why I love you. And I have read you for almost the whole 3 years! Wow! Never forget, the first time I read you was from a link on Wonkette about Foot Prostitution. You are still that blogger, too, your role has expanded, that's all!

    P.S. Met an acquaintance of your's this week. Maria Ceballos. Small world!

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  29. Lisa - you're a writer, first and foremost. My favorite blogs (of which yours is one of a very small handful) draw me in because of the writing and the individual behind them. It's fun to read about things my life hasn't yet led me to (like having kids, or marriage for that matter!). I can't remember which writer said, "write what you know," but it's good advice! First and foremost this blog is about and for you - we all enjoy your take on things - whatever they are!

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  30. You all are wonderful, you really are. I have to comment on these in pieces so I don't lose any.

    amanda is - Thanks so much. That's a tremendous compliment.

    Lemmonex - Thank you so much, my friend. You will always be extremely cool and very interesting, no matter what stage of life.

    Dagny - As always, I love you I love you.

    Beach Bum - Thank you so much!

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  31. You're a mom. You blog. You're fantastic. The end.

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  32. I'm a mommy blogger too, but when I write I sometimes forget I have kids. This is a new development.

    It's always changing, this life.

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  33. this "mommy blogger" thing is one of many identity whammies i'm sure you are going to get hit with - but sometimes mamas actually come out of this confusion with a bunch of lightbulbs going off about who you are.

    in fact, a lot of folks think that motherhood is one of the last areas of cultural/patriarchal stranglehold on women, when you think about it. because they care so much about taking care of your kid, it's easy for women to get caught up in living a stereotype out of a desire to not fuck up their kids. it makes sense because we don't have a lot of role models of freaky funky creative brilliant AND healthy nuturing moms raising amazing kids. and becuae moms are freaking exhausted so they default to the stereotype with so little brain energy to devote to thinking about who they are. as a mom you are *supposed* to play it safe, submerge in the mommy role and follow the herd like a mama lemming in an effort to be *safe*.

    but kind of like the way high school narrowness people are coralled into often makes them go 'wait a fucking minute, i'm so not a cheerleader, in fact come to think of it i'm actually a goth' or punk or new wave or i'm just something else entirely - similarly a lot of mamas go 'wait a fucking minute, i'm not one of those mommy bloggers.'

    i think there is almost like an urgency to define who you are when you become a mom because you're not just defining yourself for you, but also as the version of you that you want to have in your kid's life - who you are to them.

    and then when you also realize that your inner mom-magic has emerged and you look at yourself and see that you have such amazing super-hero like ability to take care of this helpless baby, that it makes you realize you can do anything - so why not start a business, or take up new art or make a band called placenta ;).

    salon used to have a forum called mothers who think, not sure if that is still there. then there's the hipmama blog community if that is still around. but in any case, i know there are cool mamas out there who are not simply filling their lives with gymboree meet-ups and becoming stepford moms or boring tales of snot and baby food, but instead just own the motherhood part of themselves just like every other part of them as awesome women in all aspects of their lives including their motherhood.

    your writing about the parts of your life that are mama-related are just as cool as everything else you write about because you are just a fucking kick ass writer who lives out loud. so i agree with everyone else who says you should just keep on rocking and live out loud as a writer about things motherhood related too. don't stop for nobody.

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  34. carly - I really appreciate your words. And now I want to write exclusively about cashews for a while, to see how it goes. :)

    Jaclyn - Thank you! I do enjoy it, and I'm glad you enjoy reading!

    Megan - I love that you think that I'm the funny friend with the story to tell! That's amazingly gratifying to hear.

    HKW - You are so kind. Thanks for that, and hugs to you.

    Tia - Those are spectacular compliments. Thank you so much!

    Susan H - Thank you for caring so much, and thank you for sticking with me through the ups and downs. I feel so lucky for this amazing support.

    Ryane - Thank you! And I like having you as part of my world.:)

    Jersey Girl in DC - I am so glad. It's always nice to know you're not alone in an experience. It's one of the things I appreciate so much about blogs.

    Anonymous - Thank you for continuing along with me. You can definitely find a path that makes you incredibly happy BECAUSE of who you are, not in spite of it. That took me so long to learn.

    Amy - Late 30s are great! And so far, 40 is good too! :) Sharing is my pleasure, really.

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  35. i guess it depends on your interpretation of the term "mommy blogger"
    i wouldn't put your blog into that category for me though. for me mommy bloggers are all "click here for a great product for your baby that i just found" "i think xxx stroller is far superior to the xx stroller we used to have" etc, etc.
    your blog is still about you and what you're experiencing... which is the same as it was when i started reading (a year and a half ago). i love it just as much now as i did then and i still look forward to your posts!

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  36. Keep it coming! I love the humor your find in the everyday and because your everyday now includes the little one, so will your posts! It's fascinating get insight into pregnacy and mommy-hood. I'm a few years off from either, but the more information I have to prepare, the better, in my opinion!

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  37. You are NOT a "mommy blogger" in my opinion. I see you more of a blogger who happens to have just had a kid and is now a new mommy and is writing about what is going on in her life. Much different than an actual mommy blogger. Mommy bloggers start their blogs because of their babies. You didn't and I guarantee that as Jordan gets bigger and things start evening out for you with him and PPD and all that stuff, you will write about other things in your life again. Because, you're not a mommy blogger...see?

    Does that make you feel better? I hope so. I know that when someone called me a mommy blogger, I about shit myself. Because that was the last thing on earth I ever, EVER wanted to be and I definitely do not think of myself as that.

    So, yeah. There it is and how I feel.

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