I called in sick yesterday. I had a stomach thing.
I didn't write about it because, really? Live-blogging in those circumstances? And do we have to talk about poo every day?
Apparently we do. And it's not limited to social situations.
So I had a meeting with my boss this afternoon (I'm certain you're already like, oh, Lis, I can already tell this isn't going to go anywhere good...) and he asked if I was feeling better, and I said yes, totally fine. Yesterday no, and today, great.
He said, "Just one of those 24-hour things."
And I nodded and knocked on his desk and said, "And so far, my kid is fine."
Which then of course reminded me of the jean diapers. Because look, a squirrel!
So I said, "Have you seen the commercials for the jean diapers?"
His kids are teenagers. He's far out of the diaper loop. He shook his head.
"I bought some last night."
And then I suddenly had this stabbing fear that maybe he didn't realize I meant BABY diapers!
Maybe he thought I was sitting in his chair all, "So, yeah, boss. I got these really cool jeans. Except they're also diapers! And I could be pooing right now. In MY jean diapers. My secret jean diapers that I'm wearing under my professional black pants. That I'm mentioning to you very unprofessionally."
AGH!
I laughed shrilly."Hahahaha!" Twitch twitch. "I mean, the BABY kind! For Jordan! Not...hahahaha!"
He held up his hand. "Yes, of course! Of course!"
AWK. WARD.
Thats the last time your boss is going to call you into his office to ask if you are ok. Clearly , obviously, in his mind now....you are not!
ReplyDeleteMaking the boss awkward is fun. Best way to get a day off work without any follow up conversation is to ring your male boss up and tell him you have a really heavy period or something else really personal....guanranteed he wont want a follow up conversation when you come back to work lol.
Hahahaha!
ReplyDeleteI've seen the ad for the jeans diapers. I can't decide if I should react with horror or bemused detachment. Maybe both. How do they look on Big J's tush?
Stop pretending like he was surprised. I'm sure this isn't the first time you accidentally joked about sharting yourself at work.
ReplyDelete:-)
I just choked on a square of chocolate laughing at this. It is sooo the sort of situation I would end up in myself. Without the baby excuse to fall back on, obviously...
ReplyDeletesee this is why you're great - I would probably not have the guts to clarify that they were baby diapers, I would probably just curl up and die of shame.
ReplyDeleteHilarious! It's great how you laughed during the clarification. I would have just turned red with embarrasement. And Lisa, you rock the poo talk.
ReplyDeletethat is fun.ny. :)
ReplyDeleteKiran
Lisaaaaaaa
ReplyDeleteYou know, all this poo talk is killing my sexual urges, just killing me here.
Then I walk away from your blog and Im good to go in about 3 minutes, hehe
I dont watch diaper commercials, sorry.
Sweet Christ, I love you.
ReplyDeleteGo-Betty - Yikes! I really really couldn't do that. I could be candid with a female boss, but I couldn't say that to a male boss (on purpose, anyway).
ReplyDeleteWendy - Alas, I have not used them yet! I bought them Tuesday night and was out last night so didn't see him before bed. Friday! Friday we will rock the jean diapers. By we I mean J. Of course.
LiLu - You caught me. However, I started working for this particular man not long before I went on maternity leave. We're still getting to know each other, really.
P - While I don't recommend having one just for the excuse, they do provide HUGE excuse opportunities! :)
Hillary - The thing is, it would've been fine without clarification. He knew what I meant. Curling up and dying of shame would be subtle and probably go unnoticed and then there wouldn't be awkwardness on both parts.
HKW - I'm sure I blushed. I stammered a lot. And that's a huge compliment from you, a non-poo talker!
Masala Chica - Thank you, lovely!
GW Mush - Settle down. This is a family blog, despite the bad language.
freckledk - And I you. :)
HOLY CRAP! That was awesome! Funny, though, that they don't make adult jean diapers...
ReplyDelete