Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Your traffic will be just fine.

I Talk Like a Mom Volume Two:

"Please take Brown Doggie out of the toilet. Nobody swims in the toilet."

"Yes, you have to wash your hands. Look how filthy your nails are. What? That's not chocolate. It's dirt." (And anyway!)

"Nobody broke your traffic. We'll put the cars back on the table. Your traffic will be just fine."

"It's OK, honey. Just poke your penis down with your finger. That way the pee pee goes in the toilet."

"Please don't put your yogurt in your pocket."

"You're right. Daddy is as tall as the Dumpster!"

"It is not yucky. It is not spicy. It's not yucky or spicy. It's scrambled eggs."

"Please stop drinking your bathtub water. Why? Because it has, uh, it has feet and butt germs."


  1. What a great list and insight into your day-to-day interaction with Jordan :)

    Moms are always right, I mean seriously, nobody swims in the toilet.

    1. Thanks, Heather! And yes, moms are always right. ALWAYS.

  2. It's the "please" that kills me. Like putting yogurt in one's pocket is a valid choice, you'd just rather that he didn't do it right this second.

    1. Ha, I like your take on it!

      The please is sometimes said through clenched teeth. Or repeated. As in PLEASE. PLEASE. (Please, dear Lord, before my head explodes.)

  3. Me: You cannot pee on a Mommy, that is gross.
    3 year old boy: OK. (pause) But next time you really should move out of the way when I want to pee on the floor.

    1. That has me laughing out loud. I mean, the logic!

  4. I love these!

    I have a 4 year old boy and we too have to tell him not to drink his tub water due to the "butt germs".

    My most recent favorite:
    Husband: "Zane, take your socks out of the toaster oven!".
    Zane: "Why?! It's not on. I'm just PRETENDING to cook them!"

    1. I LOVE that! It's so not a big deal to have socks in the toaster if you're only pretending. Duh!

  5. My daughter is 7 and this still happens on occasion. Here's a few recent ones.

    (To her and her friends, while on a playdate at my house) Ladies, playing dress up does not mean running around my house like a bunch of naked monkeys.

    Your Build-A-Bear does not need undies. (Yes, they sell underwear for a stuffed animal. To go under the clothes, of course. They are $3.00 a pair)

    Please don't make potions with all the bottles of stuff in the bathroom.

    (After she does it anyway) No, mommy does not want to wear your potion as perfume.


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