Performing one's ablutions

I took a long, hot bath at my parents' house yesterday afternoon. I had sore muscles from working out, so I dumped in some Epsom salts and set myself up with a book I got for Christmas - The Late Bloomer's Revolution - an easy and delightful read.

I tend to think that you can divide people into two broad categories - bath people and shower people. I mean, the people in the world who have access to both baths and showers and have the choice.

I would characterize myself as a shower person. I rarely have the patience for baths. I am never one to be all, I'm going to light a candle and lounge in hot water till my fingers and toes prune up and fall off. Generally speaking, I move fast, and am rarely in the mood to just sit.

Plus I detest breathing all that warm, moist air.

There's something about the really hot, humid air that throws me into a panic. I realized yesterday that it's not just the sitting still that I generally dislike about baths. It's also the steamy air. It's all fine fine fine, and then all of a sudden I just can't take it anymore.

It's like, you know when you're kissing someone, or maybe even just lying face to face with them? And you are breathing their breath? For an extended period of time?

Some people have a very high tolerance for the breathing of someone else's warm breath. Me, I hate it. I can do it for a bit, but when I stop being able to take it, that's that.

I'll be fine and all happy and kissy, and then suddenly will be all too close! too close! too warm! holy crap! can't breathe! And if I have to take one more warm, moist breath I am going to Lose! My! Shit!

At which point I have a visceral reaction, and physically push back. So as not to look like a complete freak, I tend to leap up and say I'm getting some water or I have to pee or something. Much better to let the person think that you have sudden thirst or a nascent urinary tract issue than that the sharing of warm breath makes you twitch violently.

There is something about the thickness of the air, the heat, the moisture that just stresses me out. Yesterday I was soaking in the tub, feeling my muscles relax with the Epsom salts, giggling at moments with the book.

And then suddenly, without provocation, the air was overwhelming. I went from la la la warm soak in a relaxing tub to naked whirling dervish woman, flinging the book, splashing water about the room, lunging to throw the window wide open.

It's not a big bathroom, so it's not like I had to go very far. But I yanked at the window and felt the rush of cold air swirl in, and panted against the screen. I felt very thankful to have gotten there in the nick of time.

WTF? I don't know.

All this to say, I really am more of a shower person.