Monday, December 17, 2007

Violet Beauregarde in a green M&M sort of way

OK, this has nothing to do with any of the rest of it except that I have been eating a lot of M&Ms. Like, a lot lot.

And sometimes you get a deformed one. And when it's in a Christmas M&M package, odds are two in three that it will be a green one. And if it's an oblong green one, odds are three in three that I will feel compelled to stick it in my nostril so that it looks like a big, green booger sticking out.

Yes, even in the office. Because I am grown up like that.

But truthfully? I have never seen Tej laugh so hard.

I really wanted to walk down the hall like nothing was awry. Because you can just imagine people weighing whether they should tell you to wipe the enormous, shocking green booger off your face or not. And I'd just chat with them like everything was normal.

But then I pictured running into our president, and then I'd have to snarf it up my nose really quickly and it would probably shoot straight to my brain. And who wants to die of deformed M&M to the brain?

But anyway, the real point is as follows. When I'm stressed I eat. And eat. And I have been stressed.

And I have been eating alarming quantities of M&Ms. The plain ones. Because if they were peanut I'd eat more of them. The salt-sweet thing, you know.

So I had this vision of being something like Violet Beauregard - the one in the chocolate factory who snatches the experimental three-course dinner piece of gum and turns into a big blueberry balloon.

I envision myself rolling down the hall, an enormous green, candy coated ball, with a large M on my chest.

And does this stop the hand-to-mouth M&M action? No, my friends, it does not.

35 comments:

  1. And who wants to die of deformed M&M to the brain?

    Loved that line. I hope the m&m's help ameliorate the stress. That line made me laugh hard enough to help cut through some of mine. Thanks

    ReplyDelete
  2. I do. I want to die of deformed M&M to the brain.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Errata:

    I want to die of deformed M&M to the brain when I'm 97.

    ReplyDelete
  4. The imagery!

    Thanks for the laugh because I'm out of M&Ms and Hershey's kisses, though fine, just do not possess the same healing qualities that M&Ms have.

    I'm out of M&Ms because The Spawn have discovered all my hiding places and I've been too lazy and depressed to devise new ones.

    Such a vicious cycle.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Hope your stress lessens soon. But, if it doesn't, I think you should abandon the plain M&M's and switch to the male ones. The only ones worth eating, in my opinion.

    ReplyDelete

Tell me about it.