Oh, people. I am in one of those what am I doing with the blogging places.
You know how dogs will turn around and turn around, and then almost lie down, and then something isn't quite perfect and so they will seemingly turn in the same circle 37 billion times and then finally, finally curl up in what looks like the exact same place?
That's how I feel. I'm circling.
Like, should I pretty up my blog? Move to Wordpress and have many clean and lovely templates to choose from? Or shell out the cash to have someone else design a space just for me? Which is kind of a spendy proposition.
And I think design, good design, is totally worth money. It's not that I'm opposed to supporting designers; quite the contrary.
It's more that that's money that could be put towards light fixtures or the new door, or 74 gajillion other house things. Or baby clothes and toys. My new favorite way to spend.
Because for 30 seconds I kidded myself into thinking I'll learn CSS and figure out how to make my own and then I was all, really, in what kind of free time that you wouldn't rather be spending with Big J?
And is the pretty really what this is about? Because what do I want?
Is it in the hopes of attracting more readers? Or is it like buying yourself a new pair of shoes, which temporarily change and improve your life, or at least you feel like they do?
Is that what this is about?
And then I circle back to the what am I doing here anyway?
Maybe I should be using this time to write the book I keep saying I'm going to write, but don't because it is too big and daunting and I get all scaredy-scared. And also, the tired keeps me from embarking on such a big project. Because I never seem to get past the tired. And maybe that's just a big excuse.
Then I think, but I'm happy. I like who I know here and I like what I have. Why mess with it?
Almost settle back down. But not quite.
I think it's part of a bigger what am I doing? kind of thing. And I dunno.
But I just feel like I need...something.