A modest proposal

You all know I'm not political but that certain issues - particularly ones pertaining to my body, my uterus and the contents therein, and the rights of women in general - fire me the fuck up.

Background

I should shamefully admit that I was a political science major - something Nick loves to point out, because isn't Chapel Hill supposed to be a really good school? - and yet I know next to nothing about how our government works. I only added it in my senior year because my dad said French wasn't practical enough, that I should double major with something useful, like Poli Sci.

Hilarious, I know. And now I ask Nick or Google everything I'm interested in knowing about governmental processes.

What I'm saying is, I have no idea how this proposal might actually work. Also, I might have details wrong. Nick's been away all week and I haven't had time to watch the Daily Show.

In other words: I'm giving you the general gist of my vitriol. Feel free to correct me on facts.

What's pissing me off:

But here's what I've been stewing about. 1. The abortion ultrasound bills; and 2. the Affordable Care Act in the hands of right-wing justices on the Supreme Court.

Naturally, the whole idea of forcing women seeking abortion to undergo ultrasounds - vaginal or not - enrages me. So now in Virginia they can't force a vaginal one on you...but they can make you get an ultrasound.

And all these wretched political elites criticizing other politicians for being elitist - want to keep health care in the hands of those who can afford it. Rather than extending it to those who can't.

It's so fucking galling.

A modest proposal:

Basically, I'd like to propose some kind of asshole scan for politicians and justices who take women's rights lightly.

You want to take the right to choice - reproductive choice as well as the choice to carry a child to term or not - away from women?

You're an asshole. I say this without hesitation.

You want to make sure that universal health care is not an option? And yet you want to force women - women who potentially can barely afford to pay for an abortion - to also pay for an ultrasound?

I'm going to confidently say you're an asshole.

But really, there must be some objective way of measuring assholiness. And my guess is that the rectum would be the best source of the information. And you'd need some sort of medical device that measures, I don't know, something.

So I'd propose the use of an ultrasound wand in the ass to confirm it.

Not being a medical professional, I don't know what you'd be measuring. Level of bile? Level of contempt for women? For humanity? Maybe you could get this with a large swab rather than needing an ultrasound.

But who fucking cares? Let's mandate an ultrasound as well.

It costs more - more for insurance companies to pocket. So they're more likely to lobby for it, no? Which would make politicians more likely to vote for it. There must be other special interest groups I could get on board, don't you think?

Of course I'd leave the details on the testing to the doctors. I mean, they're the professionals. Oh, wait, the OB-GYN's opinions don't actually matter in terms of pregnancy and ultrasound.

So I suppose the best thing to do would be to find a politician to write a bill and then, uh, try to ram it through?

Like I said, my understanding of political processes is kind of sketch.