Friday, January 31, 2014

Emily, look at that star. I forget its name.

What do you think happens to you after you die?

Do you believe in heaven and hell? Do you believe in reincarnation? Or is there just nothingness? Or something else?

I've been wondering that of late. Maude and I talked about it in the wee hours of Sunday night.

I used to think there was just nothing. You died, and that was it. You ceased to exist, except in the memories and hearts of the living.

But not long after my dad died, and I awoke that night smelling his cologne, and my mom and Pat did as well, I decided there was something. I wish I'd awakened Nick, who believes I believe I smelled it, but...

I'm telling you: he was there.

Nick's mother lives alone, as his father passed away last year. She does not ingest hallucinogens, and one wouldn't call her imaginative or whimsical.  And yet, she awoke one morning a month or so ago to find the key to their silver chest - the key they'd lost 15 years prior - in the lock of the chest.

She believes it was her husband, letting her know he was OK.

Who else could it be?

Even Nick agrees that this is, undeniably, an interesting situation.

Last night Betty said that sometimes at night she can feel the weight of someone sitting down on the side of the bed. You know how you feel a shift? And she knows it's my dad.

My grandmother used to say that her daughter tapped on her bedside table sometimes at night. 

I believe this, all of this.

So I think there must be something. Life energy doesn't just evaporate like perfume, I don't think. And Maude pointed out that some people's sparks are so strong, so strong.

I know it seems weird to think that my dad would have a grip on life in this world, when he worked so hard to leave it. But I think he just wanted to leave the pain, not this earth.

And let me say that it's not that I need the dead here, wandering among the living all Les Jeux Song Faits.

I love the idea that my dad is somewhere, hanging out with old friends. I can picture him with Meg's mom, and with our dear friend Michael, whose pottery we now use every day, and with his sister the painter, and with his parents, if that wouldn't take too much of a toll.

If there is a somewhere, then one of these days Lou will be in that where as well, and she will have good company.

16 comments:

  1. Oh my dear, I hope and believe you are right : )

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  2. We are stardust we are golden and we've got to get ourselves back to the garden. I like to believe something is still beyond, because I have had SO MANY "interesting situations" happen to me. The only time I don't want to believe it is when I am naked :) Love Ya Lady!

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    1. I hadn't thought about the naked part, so thanks for that little piece of unhelpfulness, Lynn! :) Big hugs to you!

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  3. I hope and believe you are right, too. I don't have specific examples, I could think of them if I paused long enough....but I've experienced moments where I've seen, heard or felt something that was deliberately placed in my path by a loved one who lives in my memory. I

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    1. I definitely think that happens, and I cannot bring instances to mind either, but I know there have been plenty of occasions. Big hugs, Heather!

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  4. I believe there is more. I hope we are reunited with those we loved.

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    1. That idea makes me really happy.

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  5. Chills over that silver chest key situation. CHILLS.

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    1. Bizarre, right? I think her husband is the only explanation.

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    2. The key to the silver chest was lost 50, not 15, years ago. Since then there were two house moves...

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    3. FIFTY! Like, from when they were first married? That's even more dramatic. Wow.

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    4. Like from when they were first married, before the children were born, when they were living in their first apartment in NY when JFK was president. And it is actually three house moves now that I think about it.

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  6. I agree with you. Something MUST happen after you die.
    The life you've lived, everything you've done, everything you've seen, and everything you've said can't just disintegrate into thin air...!
    Or can it?

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    1. Well, there you have it, Carm. Can it?

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