Friday, January 03, 2014

And now I can't stop thinking about dinosaur porn

You know how you will get something stuck in your head and it will not leave? Sometimes it's a song - try getting "Mr. Sandman, bring me a dream..." out, for example.

Sometimes it's a new word you just learned, and you start listening for it. And sometimes it's something like DINOSAUR PORN, which will not enrich your life in any way and yet, there you are, stuck with it.

Yesterday, my friend Cynthia posted a link to an interview with these two young women who make good money writing dinosaur porn and monster erotica.

It's the kind of thing you see and if you are me you cannot help but click on and then you actually read the article and then you are all, goddammit why did I never think of that? Because I had years of tedious, low-paying jobs.

Why why why? Why didn't monster erotica or dinosaur porn ever occur to me?

When asked how much they're making, one replied, "I make more money than our friend who has been working as an engineer at Boeing for a few years and Christie's friend who is a five-year accountant in Dallas, Texas."

I don't know how much engineers or accountants make, but definitely more than I made annually in non-profit gigs.

So I thought, hell, I could totally write dinosaur porn or monster erotica. Couldn't I? I was totally Team Jake, and he was a werewolf.

I could write about women with heaving breasts and dinosaurs with quivering, scaly loins - a young maiden sunbathing on a rock, being eyed lustily by a...tyrannosaurus.

I mean, I don't quite understand how it would work, because really they're giant lizards. I know dinosaurs laid eggs, but the boy ones would still have penises. But probably forked penises, like snakes, which...I just...

And then there's the fact that when given an opportunity to come up with a porn name for myself, I chose Dolly Farton, which as Nick said, would never get me hired in normal porn circles. So maybe I wouldn't actually be good at the dinoporn. Maybe scat dinoporn?

You see?

The fact that I even go down this road when I have so little mental space and could instead be memorizing all of the U.S. Presidents in order or learning some other actual facts that I ought to know is just very indicative of, well, I don't know. Something.

Thank you very much, Cynthia, is what I'm saying.


  1. Yes, Cynthia. Thank you very much.

  2. Oh lord. When I first started reading this, I assumed they wrote about dinos getting it on with each other! This is dinos getting it on with humans? Just. NO.

    1. Yes. One of the titles is "Taken by the T-Rex." And they make money on these!

  3. I would have to erase my search history but I now really want to google dinosaur porn.


Tell me about it.