Wednesday, March 21, 2007

If I didn't have a mouth like a sailor, people could totally pay me to promote their sh*t

Seriously. Because when I like something, I get all "Oh my God! Wow! Yay! This is the best thing ever!" about it.

But sincerely. Because if I don't like something, I won't necessarily denigrate it, but I certainly won't say anything positive. In fact, I won't offer anything at all.

Unless asked. In which case I will say, for example, that I hated the new Fresh mascara that I bought in a moment of "I need long lush lashes for my date tonight!" and I'd have been really bitter about the $25 ($25! for too wet, gloppy mascara!) except that Sephora was so great about letting me exchange it. Love Sephora!

Mostly, I'm kind of a cheerleader. OK, I actually was a cheerleader. But I feel it's mitigated by the fact that it was high school. And it was only for a year and it was India. Don't you think?

Some people still guess, out of the blue. I think because of how ridiculously jump-up-and-down-happy I can be. Plus the short flippy skirts and pom-poms might be a give-away.

Anyway, my point is this. That when I'm excited about something new, I am soo excited. I show everyone, I take pictures, I talk about it, I write about it. Really, it's a good thing I've never had breast implants. Or anything intimate pierced.

New cute shoes? I want to wear them EVERY day! And post them on the Internet! New fabulous lip gloss? Ooh, it's so fun and tingly! I love it SO much! EVERYone should get some! Those Trader Joe's milk chocolate peanuts? They're VERY delicious. Want some? Because I'm delighted to share! Something new and fun? I want to do it ALL the time!

New boyfriends? They tend to be really psyched about this approach to things.

But anyway. So last week I went on a date to that hypnotist at the Improv. And I had the best time. I laughed my ass off. I wrote a post about it. I told everyone I know.

And my lovely friend Laura of the turquoise boots, she said she really wanted to go. With me. Because wants me to get up on stage and see if I can get hypnotized. So tonight I'm going with a group of people who were so delighted hearing how much fun I had that they all wanted to go.

Now, this group includes my parents. And initially I thought, oh, pray God if I get hypnotized I don't say anything really embarrassing. Like about sex or anything. But then I figured that I'm unlikely to horrify them more than I do here.

So I think I'm going to try it! There's a good chance I'm too scared of losing control to get hypnotized. But if I do and it works, you'll hear all about it!


  1. When I snap my fingers, you will cluck like a chicken.

  2. I'd like you to demonstrate this power at your happy hour.

  3. I'm more of an ask nicely than "or else" kind of person. Mostly because nobody is every afraid of me. Even when I wear my tough girl boots.

  4. I'd like you to demonstrate the short flippy skirt and pom-poms at the happy hour.

    I bet I-66 is with me on that one. ;-)

  5. I can't wait!! That will be ONE FUNNY POST!

  6. LMNt - I totally would, of course, but you know I'm kind of shy when I first meet people.

    G&D - I hope so! I'll definitely let you know!

  7. Eh, you already know me. Bad excuse. :-P

  8. Oh, poo. I thought you might let me get away with that one.

  9. This is all being officially documented as Lisa's excuses disappear before our very eyes. LMNt is the magician, and I am the hypnotist.

    I-66 hypnotism efforts come with a 0% guarantee

  10. Haha! That was excellent! Fine - you totally got me. I am lying about turning up at the happy hour with a little flippy skirt and pom-poms. Don't think I'm not calling you Clarendo when I meet you, though.

  11. > I'm more of an ask nicely than "or
    > else" kind of person. Mostly
    > because nobody is every afraid of
    > me. Even when I wear my tough girl
    > boots.

    I sometimes wish nobody was afraid of me... I tend to get the opposite response.

    While its interesting to have strangers apologize to me because I got in their way, it gets old after a while. And it is nice that people don't mess with me, but when I realize that it's because they're afraid of me, it makes the nice guy in me feel strange.

    Oh well... the grass is always greener and all that...

  12. VVK - Why are people afraid of you? Are you really big and intimidating? I think for me, I'm just not big enough. I'm only 5'3" and I look younger than I am. And so not only are people never afraid of me, a lot of time I feel like I have trouble getting strangers to take me seriously. Which is why I wear my glasses out a lot. I think they help.

  13. LMNtal Magic (also known as LMNtal Attraction) comes with a 100% satisfaction guarantee.

  14. Lisa: I'm:

    - 6' 4 or 5" (I honestly don't know)
    - I've got very short hair... I shaved it (yes, with a razor) a little over a week ago. I shave it about once a month.
    - a goatee.
    - closer to 300lbs than my goal of 250lbs
    - brown (Indian-Indian, not Native American)

    So people tell me I look intimidating... I personally think that the big, goofy, grin I've always got on should count for more than all of that, but what do I know.

    Also, glasses are hot. :-)

  15. LMNt - I'm not a numbers person, but you've got a much better guarantee than I-66.

    VVK - I am sure people are totally intimidated! Nobody wants to mess with a big guy. Even if he's smiling!

  16. I saw one of these hypnotist people once, and must say that him making a sorority sister of mine cluck like a chicken (true story!) was well worth the admission.

    Also, share those damn peanuts! There are no Trader Joe's here :(

  17. Oh, Moosie, my ass has doubled in size in the last week due entirely to these chocolate peanuts. Someone needs to bar me from buying any more of them.

    And I'm sooo glad I didn't have to cluck like a chicken!


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